10 Most Annoying Sayings > Reviews (85)

As i get increasingly closer to old age ( I'm 26 ) I am finding more things to gripe about. ( someone tell me wat a gripe is, is it a ripe grape? ) This worries me somewhat because i fear that i will be a very grumpy old man ( albiet a very handsome one ), chasing kids with hoverboards away from my front garden with a stick. Anyway after much debate with myself i have picked ten. Here goes..................

1) ''I'll will wipe that smile of your face''!!

Right now the women might be able to answer this one for me. I know that cleaning materials have improved over the years and that even sponges and cloths have special names and powers but is there one that can actually wipe a smile of a persons face? Is it invisible? Because when people say this they dont seem to have any cloths or cleanning materials in their presence. Once a guy told me he was going to do this when i was round at his house ( the house was a tip, so suggested he wipe down his kitchen instead ) then he hit me.

2) ''Does my bum look big in this''?

Come on now girls why do you ask this? Is it a trick question? Should we be honest or lie? '' No love your bum looks big with or without that on'' or ''Dont blame the dress/ skirt/ trousers, if anything they squeeze it in a bit to make it look smaller'' or ''No love it doesnt look big just warn me when you are going to fart''. Are these acceptable answers when the truth is required? When we are nice or complimentary you think we are taking the piss and when we critical you huff for weeks so please dont ask. You know yourself when your ass is big.

3)''Take it from me''!

Is this just not stealing but with someones consent ? What kind of world are we living in when we are encouraging people to take things from us? We should maybe hire it out to them make them appreciate it a bit more or maybe give them a loan of it. My mate went round to this mans door who along with other sentences invited my mate to ''take it from me'', later in the week when the man and his family were out my mate took him up on his offer and took all the stuff in his house. He is now in jail for 6 years. Disgusting

4) ''Its better late than never''

Try telling this to the missus on her birthday or at christmas or anniversery or valentines day ( boy that is a lot of occasions to buy for ). '' Do you know what day it is Stephen''? '' Yes, its Monday'' '' No it's our anniversery you W........... ( put your own word here )'' '' Oh sorry but it is Monday too so i was also right '' '"You forgot did'nt you Stephen'' " Yes honey i did but i will get you something tomorrow or we will go away at the end of the month, I mean it's better late than never eh? WRONG its not, it's never better, not in a womans world. It's not worth it. Though when out shopping with the missus and you want to get home for the match and she is going into every single shop in town and you miss the first half then, in her eyes its better late than never,. So remember.

5) ''I can see were your coming from''

''You can see were i'm coming from''?

''Well you got a better view than me'' This is so rude especially on such a personal subject! ''Have you got x-ray vision as I dont think my flies are undone?'' What kind of brazen person would say this to some-one anyway? It is their personal business leave them to it. I hope you can all see were i am coming from with this.

6) ''At the end of the day''

It gets dark? Well thats what i thought but apparently this is not the case.

'' At the end of the day mate it's your life'' Well whose life was it at the beginning of the day?

''Well at the end of the day it's yours if you want it.'' Why, cant i take it now, now at the beginning of the the day, while it's light? How about in the afternoon or maybe early evening as i have to be up early in the morning for work and suchlike?'' ''No i have to wait until the end of the day? Ok I will be round at 2359 hours, no later though as it will be beginning of the next day and i dont really want to have to wait until the end of tomorrow night to get this thing even though i dont know what it is''

I tend to viciously slap people who say this to me unless they are bigger than me or male to which i just look at them and smile.

7) "Is that the time?"

"Is that the time?" I hate this so so much. " No it is not the time, i have went and changed every clock/watch that you can see". "Why have you done that?" Because I know what time you have to go home at and i dont really like you that much so leave and dont bloody slam the door on your way out" Why would somebody not belive what the time is? Other time related things that I hate is when someone approaches you and asks you "Excuse me love do you know the time?" " Yes of course i know what the time is i am afterall wearing a watch!" Then they stand there looking at you. " Oh sorry are you looking me to tell you what time it is? Then you should have asked me what time is it!" One more time thing too. When the clocks go forward or back and hour someone will say to you "It's really Six o'clock not seven'' "NO IT REALLY IS SEVEN NOT SIX, GET OVER IT!!!

8) "It's your funeral"

"Oh God i am dead, how did it happen"? "Did it hurt"? "Was it quick"? "Wait how come you can see me, are you Hayley Joel Osmand"? " Why is my funeral here in my house with all my friends here"? "Weres my coffin"? "Shit am I going to hell"? "I am sorry for everything for drinking, cursing and slagging off the fairer sex". " Give me one more chance, never again will i be so rude, please i can change"
" Steve your not dead"
" I'm not"? "Really?" " Right bitch go in there and gets us some f@#*ing beers!"

9) ''He/She has his/her dads eyes''

Women say this to other women who are sporting babies in prams! ''Oh my God your baby has no eyes!!!!'' '' She does but she has to share them with her dad and he's on earlies this week'' Why do women insist on such small talk all the time? Like when they see a baby they always say that it is beautiful even when it clearly isnt! Or ''Did you get your hair done?'' '' No i just washed it'' or ''Have you lost weight?'' ''No i have put on 8 stone but thanks for humouring me''

10) He/She's in a better place now!''

Confused? Welcome to my head!
This is said at peoples funerals as way of making the bereaved feel better! " He's in a better place now" " He's in a wooden box, in a hole 6 foot deep, covered in soil in the freezing cold, hows he in a better place?" " I mean at least he's out of Liverpool eh?'' " oh i never thought of that, good point "

I dont hate women or Liverpool!!!!!!!!!!!!!