Well hello to everyone, yes I’m back…and I apologise for that!
I thought that I’d start with something from members picks because I hadn’t been on for so long, rather than throw myself aimlessly at a book review.
So 10 things that annoy me it is then – should be pretty straight forward since there are a hell of a lot of things out there that annoy me. Yes I am the female, younger and far better looking (even If I have to say so myself… and to be honest no one else will) version of Victor Meldrew.
So here I go in descending order:
10) Butter in the marmite.
Oh yes! You may laugh at this somewhat trivial affair, but butter should mot be mixed with marmite until after it is put onto cold toast! Marmite has other non-buttery uses, such as in gravy, where I’d rather not have a layer of grease floating because some pillock has dumped half a tub of fat in my marmite.
9) Soap operas
You honestly don’t know how hard it was to keep this off number one. Neighbours! That was the one reason it was only no.9. Neighbours is actually the only watchable soap I have seen and that is purely because of the hilarity of the scripts and dialogue that have my rolling on my laminate.
OMG how much do soaps annoy me! Where can I start? It’s annoying me just having to think about it.
Well the p.poor acting of the cast may be a good start and I know there are people out there who will disagree vehemently with me on this subject but it really isn’t Oscar standard is it. I don’t know, maybe that’s why they’re so popular, because the acting’s meant to be hilariously pap.
The storylines, yes I am aware that they aren’t written to be like real life, the idea being that people can escape from their own mundane trawl and watch someone else’s fictional life and think ‘well mine isn’t all that bad really!’
Alas the sad fact is that the storylines are getting so far fetched, to be honest I’m surprised Albert Square is still inhabited. How many people have been beaten/murdered there? Surely there should be some sort of armed guard patrolling the streets!
Okay I’ll leave my rant at soap operas (especially Eastenders) at just two things; I’ll only put myself in a bad mood raving on about them.
8) The colour green
Okay I’ll admit that this is a little on the sad side, but I really hate green! Well maybe not that much… It’s more to do with people who insist on having their house decorated green, that’s walls, furniture, carpets, crockery the whole kit ‘n’ caboodle in mouldy shades.
The fact that I spent every weekend and spare hour I had in the blasted colour has nothing to do with this.
One of my friends actually has green in virtually every room, luckily it has been toned down with the occasional white stripe, but she says it is better than pink; the original colour that was all over the house.
I had to agree on that one!
I still hate green – I have no reason, it is as irrational as my fear of medium sized spiders!
7) Girly groups
I am in fact talking about the girly pop groups, the manufactured saccharine sweet abominations that they are.
They annoy exactly because of what they are – girly! But completely over the top girly in a horrid scary way.
They are every thing that I am not and no I don’t feel threatened by this, just relieved – although quite insulted by people that think this is how women should be.
The spice girls were not assertive in any way - they were just a bunch of slappers and not very attractive ones at that!
6) Me
Yes! I annoy myself. Not really very hard to believe is it. But the thing is I know I am annoying and on days will go out of my way to be as irritating and obnoxious as possible. The days I’m talking about are those which fall about 5 days before my period and continue into it – yep PMT and I get it during too! I am a mass of seething irritability and will annoy you and get really pissed off if you show it too.
I also apologise far too much, I will say sorry for things that aren’t my fault or more regularly things that I shouldn’t need to apologise for. This is purely because I will think that ‘oh they’re really narked with something – oh it must be something I did/said , I’d better apologise.’
I really ought to get out of the habit because not only do my friends and family find it incredibly irritating, but so do I.
Gosh! This I like a mini therapy session.
Should I now discuss my inferiority complex or my paranoia?
I’d better get back to the subject – only halfway now!
5) MSN and ICQ
Ah those wonderful programs we use to chat to our mates….and complete and utter strangers who I personally will never meet…ever!
The reason for me not being overly fond of these two programs is because for one I tend to get too much male attention (something I find eerily weird) and that male attention usually wants to know what colour knickers I’m wearing.
The other reason is that whenever I actually need to use one of these programs the server decides to quite helpfully pack up and shut me out. Fine if this is ICQ, I never actually need to use that one, but MSN on the other hand… well if I can’t get in on there it usually means I can’t get into my mailbox.
Yahoo on the other hand rarely does this, so I am lucky that the people I want to talk to most are on Yahoo too. There are of course people on MSN I’d like to speak to a little more often (not hinting here honest) but well never mind… Microsoft is naff and probably will always be.
4) Racism
Gosh do I really need to explain this one… I think not!
It just isn’t nice.
3) Homophobia
Read above… I’m not being lazy it’s just rather obvious to me at least!
2) Poor personal hygiene
Well there really is nothing worse than working/living with a sweaty bacterium harvest is there?
Okay maybe living with a psychopath would be worse... but it was rhetorical!
It just makes my stomach turn, the black goo between the unwashed toes, the almost corrosive odour of stale sweat. The tooth cheese that you have to look at whilst talking to them because it would look as if you weren’t listening, but instead become fixated at the creepy patterns it makes across their gingiva.
The other thing that really annoys me is facial hair, which I believe also falls into the poor personal hygiene category because even if you do wash your face every day it still is unclean. Hair traps sweat, grease and dirt! And we women have to kiss you! ick!!!
And last but not least…
Fanfare…
Drum roll…
1) Being ignored
Arrrg! I absolutely abhor being ignored, it grates so much on my nerves.
Starts up that paranoia of whether the person really is ignoring me or are they really busy, but then they aren’t talking so they are probably ignoring me! Which in turn annoys me and I demand to know what they have done and then find out that in fact they were busy and are now very annoyed at me for pestering them. And then I apologise! Yet again and end up annoying them more for doing so.
The thing is I really don’t get this because I personally don’t do it – except when I have PMT, which I think is a darn good reason…well it’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
So there you go!
And off I go for therapy!
I really am very sorry you had to read this…sorry!
turn off the soap opera smelly! 
