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This is truly about me so if you have heard enough of sad storys of people talking about themselfs. Well then I would click off right now because am feed up with people thinking that am so normal were am from I was born in 1972 here in Portsmouth by my wonderful mother (there's no love loss here) I was dragged up with my oldier bother and a youngier brother.(I later found out that I another oldier brother that stays some where in the south that my mother gave up to her boyfriend as she didn't want him. Then when I was about 5 she gave up my youngier brother to his dad also as she was finding it hard.(sad old mum) When we were with her being brought up, I would say we were more dragged up than brought up. we had meals made with the cheapiest of things, cloths that were to small for us. but dont get me wrong we weren't poor people my step father worked on contract in the Falklands at six months at a time and only came home a few weeks a year.My mum just loved money so much she only liked to spend it on her home or her dogs. My brother and I were brought up to be able to run a home at a very early age from cleaning,Toilets,Mirrors ,Hooving,To dusting, you name it at the age of thirteen I was cooking the family meals keeping house tidy .There was no room for going out with friends that I had made at school.My mum was now into the drug seen, and bring these friends home I remember days of coming back from high school and she would be out her face on magic mushrooms.At 14 I could easily skin up a joint. And if the house wasn't kept up being tidy or she was un able to get her drugs she would go mad and hit us with the dog leads that would only leave a bump on the skin.( like when you scratch yourself) It would be gone by the next day.No marks then no questions.
I got married very young to get away from her but that wasn't to change she had a strong hold over me that would take alot for her to let go. Dont get me wrong I love her dearly as she is my mum but wouldn't wish her on anyone.My ex-husband couldn't handle my mum and banned her from the house by this time her marrage was falling through she didn't care she had slept with a few men.Got a face lift not that you could see any difference, and was feeling like a yougier woman we were even banned from calling her mum. you know the thing she didn't like the idea of growing old.
My marrage was feeling the strain and we split up.After trying to take my own life I smashed up my house when our son was with his dad's who was now living with his mum. My over dose falled as a friend found me and was taken into hospital. When I was released from hospital I had to stay with my mother to recover. She wasn't the careing kind she just told me to pull myself together and get on with it.All I wanted was a cuddle but had to get out of her house and climbed through the window and took a long walk home. Am not proud of myself for doing what I did, but I can't blame anyone for my man having an affair and leaving that was done to me I had become my mother I looked hard at myself walking home and hated who I'd become. I was then told by my brother that his dad was not my Dad and our mother had an affair and I was the outcome and my real father didn't want to know about me. I felt my whole world come tumbling down I ran out of his house crying and went straight to my mum's who was once again out of her face I was so shocked and angrey I asked her if what I had been told was true. She began to laugh and said yes it was true and she had wished that she would have got shoot of me. I truley saw red and flew at her pinning her down to the ground I looked down at her and she looked like a sad old lady I climed of her and started walking home. Trying to put todays advents into the right order my head really felt it was going to burst. I soon got on the wrong road again started going to weekend raves everytime my son was at his father's I followed the path that went with this kind of living I was taking uppers to get high. Downers to help me come down this went on for months intill I soon relised that I was than my mum I was living for my weekends working for my drugs.
So one night I packed a few suit cases and got on a coach and left for Great Yarnmouth. without telling friends or family my son was aged 5 years old and I told him we needed a hoiliday. We booked into a B&B were I made friends with the owners, but one night after I had put my son to bed I was sitting in there kitchen just talking I burst into tears, I soon was talking to them about everything that had happened they took me under there wing and said that I could stay for as long as I wanted I got myself a part time job where I could save the money I worked at the B&B for my digs and within the year I had a nice house and great set of new friends that mean everything to me. I later meet Kev my husband and he took me on with all my scares and baggage am not easy to live with due to not being able to trust and other things that I haven't gone into due to it being to private.
I now have a wonderful life where my kids are truly loved and kissed and cuddled. We have as many family days out as possible and we all play at being kids and having fun. I hope that this will let you understand me of who I am and am not just a name. No matter what life has dealt you in the passed I am living proof that you dont have to stand back and take what life has to deal. I really have had to deal with alot and its not been easy at all I have been on anti-deppression tablets for years and am still scared with some of the things that happened to me and find that not talking about them helps me deal with it or even put it on the back burner intill I feel stronger and I will be able to deal with it when am strong.
I have washed my hands with my mum and brother but keep up with my step-dad and grand parent. So they still know that am fine but dont know where I am. I left a nice home ,a great payed job and truly started with nothing. apart from a few cloths .It wasn't easy but I really have got a better standard of life and a wonderful man that really is my soul mate as it wasn't love at first sight. We talked for hours for months intill I began to let him in. Now he is my rock and I owe him alot as he was the one that helped me get my life back on track............
I do hope that you understand who I am now and if you want please leave a message for me and I'll get back to everyone all the best Kat x