Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia - Marilyn Duker, Roger Slade

I cannot remember a time when I wasn't conscious of what I looked like. Even when I was as young as six years old I would compare myself to my cousin, thinking 'Am I fatter or thinner than her?' I didn't want to be the fattest child but somehow I always felt that I was.

It was at secondary school when the real problems began. One day I just decided to simply stop eating. Even now I don't know exactly why I did this, after all I had ...
...really well with.

I believe that the fashion magazines were a big influence on me. Even at 13 and 14 I was reading Elle and Vogue and cutting out pictures of the skinny models such as Jodie Kidd and Trish Goff, longing to look like them.

I also felt that I didn't really fit in with the other girls. I hung out with the cool group (there's one in every school) but never felt that I belonged there. The other girls were ... more

I cannot remember a time when I wasn't conscious of what I looked like. Even when I was as young as six years old I would compare myself to my cousin, thinking 'Am I fatter or thinner than her?' I didn't want to be the fattest child but somehow I always felt that I was.

It was at secondary school when the real problems began. One day I just decided to simply stop eating. Even now I don't know exactly why I did this, after all I had loving parents and a twin brother who I got on really well with.

I believe that the fashion magazines were a big influence on me. Even at 13 and 14 I was reading Elle and Vogue and cutting out pictures of the skinny models such as Jodie Kidd and Trish Goff, longing to look like them.

I also felt that I didn't really fit in with the other girls. I hung out with the cool group (there's one in every school) but never felt that I belonged there. The other girls were all so slim and pretty and I felt fat and ugly and inferior to them.

My typical days food would be for breakfast just enough low fat cereal to cover the bottom of the bowl, dry or with a sprinkling of water (milk was too fattening) I couldn't avoid breakfast completely as I ate with my parents. Then they would give me a packed lunch, which I would always throw away at the beginning of the day, and I would not eat anything then until dinner at about six o'clock. I would eat as little as I could get away with and then say I was full up. I was probably surviving on about 500 calories a day.

When people began to notice that I was losing a lot of weight it was hard to keep up the pretence of 'oh I ate a huge breakfast' and ' I always eat a lot when I get in'.

At my lightest I weighed five stone (I am 5' 3”) Teachers talked to me about what I was doing to myself but there was little they could do so they called my parents up to the school to discuss the situation with them. They even said that I was so convincing about what I said I was eating they would have believed me if it wasn't for what I looked like. After all I had convinced myself.

I feel bad now for what I put my parents through (teachers even asked if I was being abused) It must have been hell for them.

My Mum took me to the doctors soon after that and I even contemplated putting weights in my knickers to try and make myself appear heavier. There are no limits to how far an anorexic will go to try and conceal that they have a problem.

Surprisingly even with all this going on I was still a bright, grade 'a' student. After the doctors visit I realised that I couldn't carry on doing what I was doing and began eating a small lunch as well.

It was really hard as food seemed so scary, you literally have to re-educate yourself to eat again. It took quite a while to get up to a healthy weight and there were times when I wanted to relapse and stop eating again. Luckily I had a strong family to support me and a few close friends who sat with me and made sure I ate at lunchtime (I didn't thank them for it at the time).

The problem never really goes away - even now I am wary of what I eat and are prone to binges and periods of starvation. Food is a pleasure but I am never truly at ease with eating a 'sensible' amount.

One thing that really helped me was joining a gym. You have to eat a balanced diet to have the energy to exercise. I am now a healthy size 8 and am even looking to qualify as a personal trainer - so in a way I have turned my life around and I feel a lot better now my body is more toned. I still go through days where I hate my stomach (no matter how many crunches I do it will never be completely flat) but every woman goes through the same feelings (even the ones with seemingly perfect bodies I can assure you).

Warning signs to look out for if you feel a friend or family member may be anorexic are:

· Avoiding eating with other people and at mealtimes

· Consistent lack of appetite

· Lack of energy

· Feeling cold all the time.

· Lank dull looking hair, weak nails and lacklustre skin.

Although by no means comprehensive these should give some indication.

It is very hard to know how to approach dealing with the issue as anorexics genuinely feel that there is not a problem.
Even when I was shopping for jeans and a size 8 was really baggy I thought they were making the jeans a weird shape!

My advice is just continue to love and nurture them. Get them interested in dance or swimming of exercise because sometimes knowing what your body is capable of is enough to make you proud of it and start respecting it.

It is a long process but it is possible to overcome. This was extremely hard to write but if it helps just one person on the road to recovery then it was worth it.

Good luck if you are reading this - if you have any comments or questions please leave them and I will try to answer as honestly as possible.
 

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