Another year, another set of New Year's Resolutions. What will yours be this year?

...evening I was invited to another party this coming weekend and agreed to that too.

I can see that by having these positive experiences and forcing myself to recognise that my life is no longer ruled by anxiety and panic attacks I am improving every single day and the times of illness and misery are moving further and further into the distance. On top of this, my healthy eating and regular exercise from resolution 1 are making a bit ...
...so once I have lost another stone I have decided that I will treat myself with these luxuries now and again and just make sure I do so in moderation! Not having temptation in the way also seems to be helping - if you open my fridge it looks like a jungle with all the green stuff in it! I have nothing in the house that is unhealthy and this stops me absentmindedly eating a big bar of chocolate or drinking a box of wine! In terms of the other two resolutions ... more

I have always liked the idea of New Years resolutions as it provides the opportunity to try something new, give something up or simply to wipe the slate clean! In the past I have made numerous resolutions - lose weight, stop drinking so much, be more patient, be tidier, work harder etc etc. Infact I think that every single one of them has been a failure but it still made me feel good for trying! I think realistically I have never been particularly serious or motivated about any of them in the past and therefore set myself up for failure. However, this year is different for many reasons……

What makes 2009 different?

Whilst I consider myself fortunate in many ways (I have a loving family, supportive friends, a nice home etc) the last few years have been a real challenge for me. In my last year of school I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which has plagued me for the last six years making every little thing difficult to do and meaning that I was always ill. Eventually this led to depression and went hand in hand with an anxiety disorder which meant that I could rarely leave the house and was constantly miserable and unwell. I cut off contact with everyone and ironically my only real contact with people was through Ciao! During this time I was also trying to deal with being abused by my school teacher and on top of that my parents got divorce and turned my world upsidedown! In amounst all of I did manage to drag myself through college and struggle through a couple of years of university. Throughout this time through lack of exercise, being unwell, depression and comfort eating I put on ALOT of weight. In 2008 things seemed to get a little easier with the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome as I had learnt how to cope with it. Medication had eased the anxiety and depression and my decision in early 2008 was to come off all of the medications. This was hard work but after a couple of rebounds I managed to come off all the pills. I was much better and able to begin socialising again. I feel that in 2008 I have managed to really pull my life back together and am incredibly proud of myself for all that I have achieved as two years ago I was convinced that I would never feel any better and never succeed in the things I wanted!

Having made such strides in my health situation as well as getting to my fourth and final year of University I had addressed the major problems in my life and worked hard to rectify them. However I do recognise that I am in many ways only at the start of my recovery. My weigh remains an issue and the amount that I have put on during the last few years is ridiculously unhealthy. I have made a couple of feeble attempts to rectify this but all resulted in failure due to me not being motivated enough. In addition to this I also feel that I need to more actively work on myself to prevent myself getting ill with the anxiety again. To do this I know that I need to stop avoiding social situations that I used to find difficult and recognise that that was the past. I also need to sustain a positive attitude and remind myself of how far I have come.

2009 is an important year for me as it marks the end of illness and misery and the start of being a proper teacher, graduating and being out in the real world as a proper adult! Therefore it seems the ideal time to sort out my final issues by making them my new years resolutions!

How will I do this?

I have a cunning plan! Ok well effectively my cunning plan has already been implemented for almost two weeks now! But that is good because it gives more scope for evaluating it so far! My resolutions, with how I have addressed them and my progress so far is as follows.

Resolution 1 - weight loss

Resolution number one was to sort out my weight issue. It doesn't take a genius to work out that eating better and exercising more is the way to go. In 2008 I didn't eat very well and was always snacking and making unhealthy choices. I rarely excercised and also drank considerable amounts of wine. This clearly was the cause of my weight gain and also made me lethargic and unhealthy. So my method for eating healthy this year was to work out something that was sustainable but effective. My favourite meal of the week is the Sunday roast dinner. I love fresh vegetables with a bit of gravy and realised that if I use vegetables to replace the fatty and high carb foods that I used to eat then it would fill me up and do me the world of good. So for my main meal of the day I have been eating two VERY low fat sausages with four or five different fresh cooked vegetables such as carrots, parsnips, sprouts, greens, peas, cabbage etc. I then have some low fat gravy and it is delicious and very filling!! During the day I eat bran flakes for breakfast or a rice cake and then have a healthy sandwich for lunch with low fat crisps and an apple. If I am hungry in the evening then I snack on grapes or salad leaves! Essentially this means that on some days I am having up to 8 portions of fruit and veg a day! By significantly cutting down my calorie intake and eating foods high in fibre, vitamins and minerals I feel so energetic, healthy and surprisingly cheerful. I am also making an effort to exercise more, either by walking the dog or going on my Wii Fit.

In order to monitor my progress I realised that I need to weigh myself more than once a week. In previous diets weekly weigh ins does not work for me as early on in the week I will eat naughty things on the assumption that I will make up for it later on! So to keep myself motivated I have been using the Wii fit to weigh myself each day. I try to weigh myself at the same time of day and being able to see my weight decreasing on a graph is really boosting my self esteem. So far I have lost 7lbs a week meaning that in total I have now lost a stone so my method is clearly successful. Not only do I feel healthier and lighter but I actually don't feel hungry and enjoy eating the foods so don't feel too deprived. I understand that my rate of weight loss will slow down but at the moment my weight is so high that seeing the pounds drop off is exactly what I need. I accept that it will take me quite a long time to lose all the weight I have gained but at this rate at least it seems like an achievable goal! After two weeks I feel that my new eating habits are becoming "normal" to me and I feel very good about myself and very motivated to continue with this resolution!

Resolution 2 - Improved health

My second resolution is to improve my health further. I used to find parties of friends or colleagues hard work and as they would often cause high anxiety or panic attacks it is a situation that I have avoided for years. Last week I was invited to the birthday party of a colleague in my placement school and under this particular new years resolution I agreed to go. I was strangely excited about it as I recognised it as something I could now do yet haven't been able to do for years. I used positive thinking to remind myself that the anxiety and the panic attacks at the past. I was surprised to feel very little anxiety and to not need to take ridiculous amounts of tranquilisers was brilliant. As I walked up to the party with a friend from placement I felt a sense of pride in myself as I realised just how well I was doing. It made me smile inside to hear her say that SHE was feeling a little nervous as we walked to the door! The party was brilliant and I felt comfortable and even danced the night away! During the evening I was invited to another party this coming weekend and agreed to that too.

I can see that by having these positive experiences and forcing myself to recognise that my life is no longer ruled by anxiety and panic attacks I am improving every single day and the times of illness and misery are moving further and further into the distance. On top of this, my healthy eating and regular exercise from resolution 1 are making a bit impact on my health. My chronic fatigue syndrome is barely an issue anymore and I feel much happier in myself.

Resolution 3 - Positive Attitude

Hopefully one of the things that has come across from this review is my newfound positive attitude! To ensure that I properly acknowledge the success of the other two resolutions my third resolution is to be a more positive person and to try and look on the brightside. For some reason I have never taken time to appreciate how well I am doing before. Now I wake up smiling because I am actually very proud of myself. Four years ago I was unable to leave the house, suicidal, very ill, lonely, miserable and had decided that I would spend the rest of my life like that. Now I am confident, almost a teacher, doing well in my studies, eating healthily, happy, making new friends, over all my health issues and ready to make the most of my life. I didn't think I would be here right now like this and certainly not writing something as positive as this! So as you can see, this resolution seems to be going well too!

Next Steps

All three resolutions seem sustainable and the more I succeed the more motivated I feel to persist with them. Whilst I have stopped drinking and am not eating anything like chocolate or cake as part of my weight loss, these are things that I do enjoy and so once I have lost another stone I have decided that I will treat myself with these luxuries now and again and just make sure I do so in moderation! Not having temptation in the way also seems to be helping - if you open my fridge it looks like a jungle with all the green stuff in it! I have nothing in the house that is unhealthy and this stops me absentmindedly eating a big bar of chocolate or drinking a box of wine! In terms of the other two resolutions I plan to continue with them much in the same way as I am doing now. Having said this I also realise that putting too much pressure on myself is more likely to make me fail so I am taking it a week at a time!

My Advice

At this time in my life these three resolutions are very important to me. Yes, I could have started them at any time but the start of a new year seemed to act as a good benchmark. There are many resolutions that you can make and most of them probably wont last past January. However if there is something that you really want to do then the advice I would give is as follows.

• Set realistic goals to avoid dissapointment
• Don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't quite go to plan
• Celebrate your successes.
• Take it a step at a time and keep a positive attitude.
• If your strategies aren't working then adapt them - theres no point flogging a dead horse.
• Share your resolutions with those closest to you and ask for their support.
• Avoid temptation - if you have given up smoking don't have a packet of cigarettes in the cupboard!
• Cease the moment - the new year can mark a fresh start and provide a good starting point.
• Monitor your progress and keep a record of it in some way so that you can use it to motivate yourself.

To Conclude

My resolutions are quite personal ones, as are the reasons behind them, however I feel that by sharing them and writing them down like this it is thereuputic and has helped me recognise what is the past and what is the present. Hopefully if there is anyone reading this who might be in the situation I was a few years back then this review might serve as some ray of hope that it is possible to recover and it is possible to move on. Something tells me that 2009 is going to be a good year! Thank you for reading.
Em x 

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