Australia

...In the week in which Australia lost an epic test series 2-1 to India I thought that it would be the right time to write an opinion about Australian cricket.

It has been a few weeks since the great Sir Donald Bradman passed away. He was the greatest batsman of all time. As a child he used to practise by hitting a golf ball with a single stump. His test average of 99.96 will never be surpassed. His feats would have been even more impressive ...
...part of the bowling attack. Australia took part in the first tied test match against the West Indies.

During the 1960s the formidable opening partnership of Bill Lawry and Bobby Simpson was formed. The leading fast bowler was Graham McKenzie. Australia toured England in 1968. A work colleague of mine at Age Concern actually attended the match between the Aussies and Essex. He managed to obtain the autograph of John Inverarity. He also ... more

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN March 2001

In the week in which Australia lost an epic test series 2-1 to India I thought that it would be the right time to write an opinion about Australian cricket.

It has been a few weeks since the great Sir Donald Bradman passed away. He was the greatest batsman of all time. As a child he used to practise by hitting a golf ball with a single stump. His test average of 99.96 will never be surpassed. His feats would have been even more impressive but for the Second World War. After retirement he became chairman of the Australian selectors.

The 1948 touring team to England was known as 'the Invincibles'. The bowling attack was fearsome as it had Ray Lindwall and Keith Miller. I am not sure if Tiger O'Reilly or the late Neil Hawke were part of this team. The main batsmen were Bradman and Stan McCabe. Certain Australian cricket commentators considered this team to be the greatest of all time.

The leg spinner Richie Benaud became captain during the 1950s. The left arm bowler Alan Davidson was part of the bowling attack. Australia took part in the first tied test match against the West Indies.

During the 1960s the formidable opening partnership of Bill Lawry and Bobby Simpson was formed. The leading fast bowler was Graham McKenzie. Australia toured England in 1968. A work colleague of mine at Age Concern actually attended the match between the Aussies and Essex. He managed to obtain the autograph of John Inverarity. He also approached Richie Benaud twice for autographs. But Benaud was not too forthcoming or friendly in this respect.

Australia plays England in regular test series for the right to win 'The Ashes'. The Ashes are actually remnants of a burnt bail, which is kept in the Lords museum.

I followed my first Ashes series in 1970/71 at the age of 8. The England MCC team were touring down under. The English team comprised of players such as Geoff Boycott, John Edrich, Brian Luckhurst, Basil D'Oliveira, Alan Knott, Derek Underwood and John Snow. Ray Illingworth captained it. The Australian team comprised of players such as Keith Stackpole, Doug Walters, Paul Sheahan, Ian and Greg Chappell, Rodney Marsh, Dennis Lillee and Terry Jenner. Bill Lawry captained it.

England regained the Ashes winning the series 2-0 I think. Geoff Boycott and John Snow performed heroics for England. Greg Chappell scored a century in his first test. Rodney Marsh had a nervous start to his test career and was nicknamed 'Iron Gloves'.

I recall that the 3rd test at Melbourne was abandoned without a ball being bowled. Instead a limited overs match was arranged to entertain the crowd. This was the birth of one-day international cricket.

Australia regained the Ashes in 1972 in England. Ian Chappell was now captain. But they performed poorly in the one-day series.

England was hammered in 1974/75 by the pace battery of Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson. The catching of the Aussies was magnificent. Batsmen such as Dennis Amiss had their confidence destroyed. The English team was nicknamed 'Dads Army' due to the number of elderly players in the team.

In 1975 the West Indies beat Australia in the final of the inaugural Cricket World Cup at Lords. The bowler Gary Gilmour took 5 wickets in the semi-final against England and also 5 wickets in the final.

In 1975/76 Australia destroyed the West Indies team captained by Clive Lloyd. The two teams compete for the Frank Worrell Trophy.

In 1977 England under the captaincy of Tony Greig regained the Ashes. But the series was overshadowed by Kerry Packer who wanted his own circus of cricketers.

England hammered a Packer-depleted Australian team 5-1 down under. Mike Brearley was captain of England. Rodney Hogg took over 30 wickets in the series.

The Packer players returned a year later to the team and beat England 3-0.

In 1981 the Ashes series in England was dominated by Ian Botham's heroics. The Aussies twice failed to get low totals in the 4th innings. Captain Kim Hughes' humiliation was complete.

Australia regained the Ashes in the 1982/83 series down under.

In 1985 Australian cricket reached a low ebb. They were beaten 3-1 by England. David Gower starred with the bat. Ian Botham and Richard Ellison starred with the ball. But it was the manner of the defeat, which angered the public.

In 1986 the second tied test match in history took place in India.

England retained the Ashes in 1986/87 down under. Opener Chris Broad made 3 test centuries and was named International Cricketer of the Year. Plenty of one-day matches were played during the tour. England won the World Series Cup under captain Mike Gatting.

A cricket academy was opened where youngsters with potential are groomed. The most famous graduate from this academy has been the leg-spinner Shane Warne.

Alan Border was made captain and things improved. Australia won the 1987 Cricket World Cup in India. Their out-cricket was fantastic during the tournament.

In 1989 Australia destroyed England 4-0 in England. New opener Mark Taylor scored over 800 runs in the test series. Steve Waugh made a couple of centuries as well. Terry Alderman's bowling was decisive. Since then Australia have not relinquished the Ashes.

In 1993 Shane Warne bowled the ball of the century against Mike Gatting with his first ball in England.
But England was awful in all aspects. Chairman of selectors Lord Ted Dexter blamed adverse astrological conditions for the defeat.

Alan Border retired and Mark 'Tubby' Taylor took over with some success. Steve Waugh carried on from where Taylor left off. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy broke the test world record for wicketkeeper dismissals.

Australia won the 1999 Cricket World Cup in England. After a poor defeat against New Zealand, Australia won 8 one-day internationals in a row.

During the 2000/01 season Australia won every test match and one-day international. You cannot improve on perfection.

Australia recently set a test world record of 16 consecutive wins. The batting is awesome with players such as Michael Slater, Matthew Hayden, Justin Langer, the Waugh twins, Ricky Ponting and Adam Gilchrist. The bowling is also awesome with Glen McGrath, Shane Warne, the Lee brothers and Jason Gillespie.

The talent in reserve is fantastic too. The success of the Australian team is assured for years ahead.

UPDATED September 2001

Well Australia have retained the Ashes for the 6th successive time. They trounced England by 4 tests to 1. Even in the test they lost they completely outplayed England.

Normally before a test series I read as little as possible in order not to cloud my mind. But I did read a lot of reading before the one-day series began.

Just by reading the excellent articles in The Times by Shane Warne you got the idea that Australia were on the right track for victory.

Whilst travelling to matches with various county sides the team saw video footage of England's exploits in Pakistan and Sri Lanka.

There were also various team meetings: batsmen, middle-order, and bowlers. Every man knew what his job was within the team. Every scenario was covered.

The captain Steven Waugh had the bright idea of taking the squad to Gallipolli at the start of the tour. Historians will recall that many young Australian soldiers lost their lives at Gallipolli in the First World War. It brought home to the squad how trivial cricket is compared to the rest of life's challenges. The squad grew closer together as a result.

The Australians enjoyed taking in English culture. When they played Sussex the team found time to visit Arundel Castle. This helped take the players' minds off cricket.

Steve Waugh has this rare habit of finding weaknesses in the opposition. He had a weekly column in the Sunday Times last year, which made fascinating reading. Probably with the help of a psychologist Steve managed to dissect the psychological makeup of the opposition. He then geared the team's tactics to exploit weaknesses in this makeup.

Most people would categorize Indians, Pakistanis and Sri Lankans in the same Asian boat. But Steve managed to identify the different characteristics of each nation and play accordingly.

Australia won the one-day series against Pakistan and England by playing attacking cricket. They won all their matches against England. In fact a lot of damage was done psychologically to the England minds.

There was one match when Australia had 6 men around the bat tempting England to make use of the wide-open spaces, which they failed. Australia had gained the psychological upper hand over England.

The first test performance was brilliant. England suffered a batting collapse after Atherton and Trescothick had made an opening century stand. Michael Slater then attacked the bowling of Gough and Caddick from the first ball.

Steve Waugh, Damian Martyn and Adam Gilchrist all made centuries. The runs were made quickly at almost a run a minute. The bowlers did the rest. Glen McGrath was wonderfully accurate. Jason Gillespie tore in fast upsetting the batsmen. Shane Warne was world class. Brett Lee was fast and broke Graham Thorpe's hand in the third test.

One lesson to other teams is that you only need 4 bowlers to bowl out the opposition twice.

In the second test at Lords Mark Waugh made a brilliant century.

After the third test the Ashes had been won in record time.

In the fourth test only a sporting declaration by acting captain Adam Gilchrist gave a win to England.

In the fifth test Justin Langer, Mark Waugh and Steve Waugh made centuries as England were destroyed. Shane Warne took 11 wickets in the match.

Shane Warne wrote that rest is just as important as being fit. Between tests the players saw Shrek at the cinema, saw the British Grand Prix at Silverstone, saw the men's final at Wimbledon, attended a Madonna concert and saw The Lion King in the West End.

I really enjoyed this Ashes series. It was like watching 2 teams from different planets. I hope Australia gets to keep the Ashes urn for good.

UPDATED February 2002

UNEXPECTED SERIES DRAW WITH NEW ZEALAND

After the Aussies emphatic win over England, beating New Zealand at home should not have been too difficult.

But unexpectedly the test series finished 0-0.

Rain really affected the matches with several stoppages. In fact rain stopped New Zealand winning the series.

In one of the test matches Australia had set New Zealand a challenging target in the 4th innings. But as New Zealand neared its target Glen McGrath started bowling outside the leg stump. This prevented runs being scored and in effect is cheating. If Australia wanted a draw then they should have set a more daunting target.

MASSACRE OF SOUTH AFRICA

South Africa must have been quietly confident of its chances when they arrived in Australia.

But Australia regrouped and played some outstanding cricket, winning the series 3-0.

Opener Matthew Hayden scored a century in every test.

Bowlers Glen McGrath and Shane Warne bowled really well.

South Africa could not cope with the pressure exerted on them. Lance Klusener had lost all his confidence.

At the end of the series South African captain Shaun Pollock offered no excuses.

FAILURE TO REACH ONE-DAY FINAL

Australia started off with a few defeats and never recovered. They failed to reach the final.

I think they underestimated New Zealand.

Unfortunately Captain Steve Waugh lost his job as a result. This was sad as less than 3 years ago he led Australia to the Cricket World Cup.

One policy I like about Australia is that they play local players in their side. The team was filled with Queensland players when they played in Queensland. I am sure that the crowds are bigger as a result.

The poor form shown in the one-dayers is only a hiccup. Australia should come back stronger than ever.

Australia will next tour South Africa.

UPDATED April 2002

GREAT TEST SERIES WIN IN SOUTH AFRICA

Australia easily wrapped up a 2-1 test series victory.

Australia won the first test by an innings and 360 runs. This was one of the biggest margins of victory in test history.

South Africa was swept aside in the second test. Australia did not try in the third test, which was a meaningless encounter.

Australia scored their runs at a quick pace leaving them plenty of time to bowl out the opposition. This is the only way to play test cricket.

Adam Gilchrist scored a rapid double century. I really cannot think of any other wicketkeeper in test history to have scored a double ton.

The bowlers Glen McGrath, Jason Gillespie, Shane Warne and Shane Lee bowled brilliantly. I always thought that Shane Lee would get extra bounce from the South African wickets.

South Africa usually is good at performing under pressure. Their batsmen did not hit any form, which put too much pressure on their bowlers. There was the debacle of Darryl Cullinan not turning out in the second test due to a pay dispute.

Now South Africa is calling a conference of players, officials and ex-players to identify what went wrong and how to rectify things. If only England could take a leaf out of South Africa's book.

ANNIHILATED SOUTH AFRICA IN THE ONE DAY SERIES

Australia won the one-day series by an emphatic 5 matches to 1.

Very few teams have triumphed in South Africa in the one-day tournaments. So this series win speaks volumes for Australia's achievements.

Australia was equally devastating at bowling or batting first. They broke the world record for a second innings by hitting 330 odd in one of the later games.

Every batsman seemed to score 30 or 40. At least a couple of players went on to hit big scores.

The bowlers stuck to a winning game plan. The team did not miss Shane Warne who had to miss a few games due to a hamstring injury.

The captaincy of Ricky Ponting carried on the excellent work of former captain Steve Waugh.

I could not believe it when the Waugh twins were axed from the one-day side. The reason given was that they were too old. It was only 3 years ago when Steve Waugh led Australia to the Cricket World Cup.

Perhaps England can learn from this and reduce the average age of their one-day team.

Australia outclassed South Africa in all departments of the game. They were equally effective in test or one-day matches. Australia has gained a huge psychological advantage over the rest of the teams for next year's World Cup.

UPDATED July 2002

HOME ONE-DAY SERIES LOSS TO PAKISTAN

There was a mini one-day series played between Australia and Pakistan. This was played in Australia due to the war in Afghanistan.

As expected Australia crushed Pakistan in the first match.

But amazingly Pakistan fought back to win the final 2 matches.

This loss will do the Australian team more good than harm. A few months earlier they destroyed a good South African side in the one-day series. The defeat will bring the players back down to earth.

Captain Ricky Ponting has experimented a lot. This is always a good idea. Some things will come off and some will not. Basically this gives the captain more ammunition against the opposition.

Australia must be congratulated on maintaining a consistent policy towards selection. They axed the Waugh twins because they were too old. Yet England persists in playing Alec Stewart who is about 5 years older than the Waughs.

The Australians must be laughing themselves silly at the Poms disastrous dad's army policy.

UPDATED January 2003

RECAP

TEST SERIES VICTORY OVER PAKISTAN

Australia easily won the test series in Sharjah. Pakistan were twice bowled out for under 100 in the same test. Pakistan is a very talented team but was ruthlessly destroyed by a rampant Australia.

4-1 TEST SERIES VICTORY OVER ENGLAND

Australia easily retained the Ashes in the record time of 11 days. England, like Pakistan, was annihilated.

Matthew Hayden, Justin Langer and Ricky Ponting always got the innings off to a good start. They scored their runs quickly displaying a fantastic range of attacking strokes.

The middle order of Damien Martyn, Steve Waugh and Adam Gilchrist carried on in the same vein. At least 5 of the batsmen averaged over 50 in this series. Amazing stuff!

The bowling quartet of Glen McGrath, Jason Gillespie, Brett Lee and Shane Warne was too much for England. But the attack looked less potent in the 5th test when McGrath and Warne were injured.

I heard on the radio that Australians in general spend 75% of their time outside the house, whilst the English spend 75% of their time inside.

WINNERS OF THE VB ONE-DAY SERIES OVER SRI LANKA AND ENGLAND

The Australians performed impressively winning most of their matches en route to the final.

They absolutely thrashed England in the first final winning by 10 wickets. The second match was closer and Australia scraped through by just 5 runs in an exciting game.

England played well in patches but Australia won the matches by sheer strength of character.

Michael Bevan is probably the best one-day player in the world.

Australia looks in fine fettle for the World Cup in South Africa next month.

UPDATED May 2003

WORLD CUP WINNERS

Australia retained the World Cup in style. They won every match, played brilliant attacking cricket and deserved to be World Champions.

If they batted first they put up a huge total, which was near impossible for the opposition to come close to. If they bowled first the bowlers bowled accurately and induced mistakes from the batsmen.

The only hiccup in the tournament came against England. England made about 210 in their innings. Australia found themselves about 130 odd for 8. Cometh the hour cometh the men. Michael Bevan and Andy Bichel steered Australia to an amazing victory.

Ricky Ponting led from the front scoring very quick runs. Andrew Symonds made large scores at the right time. Michael Bevan is the best one-day batsman in the world.

Some critics thought that the exclusion of Shane Warne from the squad on doping grounds would have hindered the team. But the bowlers took plenty of wickets. Even Jason Gillespie's injury did not affect the performance of the team.

In the final Australia scored 350 odd runs, which was the highest ever total in a World Cup final. Ricky Ponting blasted a blistering century.

India lost Sachin Tendulkar in the first over. The cup was as good as won.

Captain Ricky Ponting was very modest at the end of the match. This was nice to see, as Test captain Steve Waugh can sometimes be triumphalist in victory.

This Australian team will go down as one of the greatest one-day teams in history.

3-1 TEST SERIES VICTORY IN THE WEST INDIES

This tour came only a few days after the World Cup ended. Most of the players must have been very tired. But they still turned in some great performances.

Australia became the first team to win 3 consecutive Tests in the West Indies. Ricky Ponting scored a century in each of the first 3 Tests before falling ill.

Andy Bichel bowled well. Stuart Macgill took a few wickets. Shane Warne was really not missed at all. But the West Indian batsmen were vulnerable to leg-spin.

Steve Waugh scored a century, which beat the number of Test centuries scored by the great Sir Don Bradman.

But Australia lost the 4th test by 3 wickets. It took a world record 4th innings total by the West Indies to win though.

The only controversy was the verbals given by Glen McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan. When things are not going for the Australians they do not maintain the spirit of the game. Hopefully this will be rectified in the future.

UPDATED June 2003

ONE DAY SERIES WIN OVER THE WEST INDIES

Australia easily won the one-day series in the West Indies. They cruised to a 4-0 lead.

But they lost the last 3 matches due to tiredness and lack of motivation. Australia plays one-day cricket in the right way i.e. exciting batting, metronome-like bowling and aggressive field placings.

One of the reasons for the Australians' success is their psychological approach. They try to beat teams mentally. This means that once Australia have the upper hand the opposition batsmen are more likely to make mistakes and lose their wickets.

Former Australian captain Greg Chappell told the media that Australia's dominance was bad for the game of cricket. That is true but it is up the rest of the countries to bridge the gap. When I saw the great West Indies team of the 1970s I thought that their dominance would last forever.

I remember a one-day series in the early 1970s against England when Australia was outclassed. This was because England had set up its own one-day league in 1968 whilst Australia had nothing. Now Australia has won 3 World Cups whilst England has yet to lift the trophy.

Australia declined to take part in a tournament in Morocco. There is so much cricket being played around the world that it is difficult to keep up with events. One-day cricket is far more exhausting to play than test cricket. The day will come when international players will say enough is enough.

Older players such as Hayden, McGrath, Gillespie etc will need to be replaced in the future. Fortunately the Australian selectors are ruthless enough to axe players who are past their best. The scouting process for finding replacement players is also very good.

Next month Australia will play Bangladesh in a test series and a one-day series. I do not expect any shock results.

UPDATED September 2003

EXPECTED VICTORY OVER BANGLADESH

As predicted by everyone, Australia won every test and one-day international against Bangladesh. Australia won both tests by an innings. Captain Steve Waugh scored centuries in both tests. Stuart Macgill took 5 wickets in each innings of the second test. Shane Warne was not missed.

Steve Waugh and Ricky Ponting said some nice things about the Bangladesh team. Australia showed respect to the opposition by playing their strongest team. Bangladesh do have the talent but lack experience. Former Bangladesh coach Gordon Greenidge said that Bangladesh should have played against 'A' teams rather than 5-day tests first. Their current coach is Dav Whatmore who is one of the best coaches in international cricket.

Shane Warne has got into trouble again with an alleged sex scandal. He just might walk away from cricket altogether now.

UPDATED JULY 2005

BIBLIOGRAPHY
Mel Smith.

Why do Australians drink Castlemaine XXXX?

Because they can't spell beer!

The first Ashes test starts on July 21st. I for one will be glued to Sky Sports' excellent coverage.

The bad news is that Isha Sesay has left Sky Sports News.

The good news is that she can be viewed during the local London news on GMTV on weekday mornings.

Every Little Isha Helps!

FIRST TEST

This was quite an exciting contest. 17 wickets fell on the first day. But the Aussies eventually won by a comfortable 239 runs.

Warne and McGrath took 15 wickets between them. England dropped about 7 or 8 catches which is most unlike them. Catches win matches.

England's top order failed which put more pressure on the middle order. Basically Australia did the basics better than England. I thought Tony Greig's commentary on C4 was great.

I played a game of cricket last week with la Cherie. She won the toss and chose to bat. Only tossers lose the toss. While she was taking guard I offered to bowl my legspin, offspin or even my flipper. She replied 'Paul, I like you a lot but only my husband is allowed to bowl spin at me.' I felt like a silly mid off and a third man in the marriage. Obviously my toasted marshmallows were no match for Tony's goolies. He always takes the new ball to bowl his maiden over.

My favourite Australian bird is the cassowary.

The world would be a better place if more Sheilas looked like Kym Valentine.

The best pub for Australian barmaids is the Tattersall Tavern in Knightsbridge. I just hope that the photo putting my face in Lara's breasts does not get cropped.

UPDATED August 2005

SECOND TEST

England won an epic test by just 2 runs which was the shortest winning margin in Ashes history. Andrew Flintoff was a deserved man-of-the-match with 141 runs and a few wickets.

England scored over 400 runs on the first day. The run rate was over 4 runs per over. This was test cricket at its best. England gained a lead of 99 runs from the first innings. Fortunately I missed the nail-biting final session.

England was lucky that Glen McGrath was out of the test after treading on a cricket ball before the start. But I still feel that Australia has the upper hand in the series. Flintoff's 73 in the second innings was Bothamesque in its execution. He hit a record 9 sixes in the test. This eclipsed Botham's record from the Old Trafford test in 1981.

The cricket was really entertaining. The case must now be made for 4-day test matches. Mathematically it seems right. Four innings in four days.

The women at number 8 look fitter every day.

My mind went back to the 1982-83 series down under. England won a very tense test by 3 runs. Chris Tavare took a slip catch for a famous victory. I think that Norman Cowans took a lot of wickets in that game. Botham's nickname for him was Persil which was original. I was down with the flu when I heard of the victory. I think that Bob Willis was captain of that side.

Who's that Howzat?

Is cryptozoology possible on Medeuba?

It was nice to see my favourite dinnerlady Miss Dainty from Belvedere School again. She always gave me double helpings of pudding. Even Sheila's mother attended that school. Kismet.

Listening to Tony Greig brought back memories of the 1970s again for me. His century against NZ in 1973 was one of the best I have ever seen. Ditto for his one-handed catch against Pakistan to get Wasim Raja out off the bowling of Derek Underwood. He was a great England captain. By defecting to Packer he ensured that cricket pros would be paid a decent wage. The only bad part was someone abusing his young daughter after he defected which was uncalled for. I remember reading a cricket book where a photo was shown of his finger being dislocated. It made a gruesome sight.

There is an Antipodean Tescoette who I see regularly pushing her pushchair. I would not have minded meeting her just before she got pregnant. Every little billabong helps.

Despite hailing from Bangladesh my father surprisingly has no interest in cricket. If he had then we would have bonded better in childhood. On the other hand my father-in-law and me have spent hours chattering about the finer points of cricket. The most precious commodity a father can give his son is time.

Does anybody remember 'Houseparty' from the 1960s? It lasted just half an hour. I was fascinated how four women could talk non-stop about nothing at all. A few series later a sewing expert joined the gang. Bring back 'Houseparty'!

Has anybody checked out the Sheilas on 'Aerobics Oz Style' on Sky Sports? Leotard.

I am now off to buy some dunny paper for my Yowie.

THIRD TEST

This draw ended in a nail-biting climax. England only needed to take a single wicket for victory but Australia just held out.

Vaughan and Strauss hit stylish centuries which were the first in the series. Ricky Ponting played the perfect captain's innings with his 156.

England's batsmen produced the goods. I was surprised to see the Aussies troubled by Ashley Giles' spin. Matthew Hayden has never had a really good tour of England.

Glenn McGrath was nowhere near match fit with his ankle ligament troubles. Brett Lee was in a hospital bed just before the match. Jason Gillespie does not have the energy of previous tours. But it says a hell of a lot for Australia's resilence to eke out a draw.

My one worry before the start was that the test would be rain-affected. Old Trafford tests always suffer from the rain. I wonder if a roof can be added to allow play to continue. There is nothing more frustrating than a rain delay in a cricket match.

It was nice to see the England players rested from the C&G Trophy semis. They should be fully fit when the action starts for the fourth test. In the past our cricketers were too tired to produce their best all the time. But this policy does sound the death knell for county cricket. Can we sustain an 18-county professional cricket championship?

When I was 8 I spent a whole term writing a project on Australia. i really worked hard on that project. My regret was that I failed to hand the work in to Mrs Hampton who marked all the projects over the Easter holidays. So I have always liked Australia from an early age.

The new X-Factor series was great. I was sad to see 19-year old Sarah from Wigan unable to get through to the next round. Wigan girls are the best in the business. I have been there myself.

UPDATED September 2005

FOURTH TEST

England won at Trent Bridge by 3 wickets. This was another nail-biting finish. Flintoff scored 102 and Jones 85. Australia was made to follow on for the first time in 17 years. The scene is now set for a great finale at the Oval.

I am surprised that David Jones Bowie's 'Ashes to Ashes' has not been used as a theme tune to any of the cricket. It was number one in 1980 and its video is amongst my favourites. What was that elderly lady doing in that video?

Does anyone remember 'The Romper Room' with Miss Rosalyn. The programmer transfixed me in the 1960s. Yes, I did have a crush on her and still do.

Dip me in vegemite and feed me to Dannii Minogue. Is she still going out with Dean?

If Diana was still alive today she would be more popular than all the Royal Family put together. Perhaps that's why she was murdered.

New Labour stands for New Vietnam. Get our troops out of Iraq. The damn war has already cost us votes in the Eurovision Song contest.

Page 3 girl Ruth is a bit of all right.

Britney should have named her son Wigan instead of Preston. That 'Toxic' video was great. Cathy Dennis wrote the track. I do like her but there are too many walls between us.

FIFTH TEST

This ended in a draw resulting in a 2-1 series win for England who won back the Ashes.

Strauss, Hayden and Langer hit centuries. Warne took 12 wickets on a pitch giving no assistance to him. Kevin Pietersen scored 158 from 187 balls. But he was dropped 3 times. The final day was very tense.

The post-match celebrations were amazing. Over 100,000 people turned up to see the open-topped buses in London the following day.

ANALYSIS

At the beginning of the season the only way I thought that England would win the Ashes was if they played out of their skins and Austraalia performed below average. That's how it actually turned out.

Engalnd gained the first psychological blow with their 20-20 win. But Australia's one-day defeat to Bangladesh was totally unexpected. Perhaps they were in a comfort zone and took their opponents for granted.

BATTING

Certainly England's bowlers held the upper hand over Australia's batsmen.

Apart from a century in the final test Matthew Hayden had a poor tour. He should have played back to more balls. The rest of the batsmen did not ocupy the crease for long enough or score enough runs.

It seemed that a different England bowler caused damage on every single occasion. Even Ashley Giles decimated the top order with 3 quick wickets in one test. Adam Gilchrist did not really play a swashbuckling innings. Shane Warne batted very well throughout. I was sorry to see him out in the 90s thus failing to get a deserved first century.

Brett Lee's batting was a revelation. The rest of the tail did not score many runs. Australia's problem was that they did not score enough runs in the first innings. Australia was basically outplayed by England over the last four tests.

BOWLING

Glenn McGrath had a good first test before being injured by treading on a ball. No other Australian fast bowlers consistently took wickets. Brett Lee bowled fast but gave away too many runs and no-balls. Jason Gillespie simply did not perform and looked listless. Shaun Tait and Michael Kasprowicsz did not have much penetration.

But the exception was Shane Warne who took 40 wickets in the series. It was his best series ever. He was always troubling every single batsman with his variety of repertoire. It was a fantastic effort. It is sad that he will not be appearing in another Ashes series in this country again. He has now taken more Australian wickets against England beating Dennis Lillee's record.

FIELDING

The fielding has been very disappointing. Some of the ground fielding has been sloppy. The wicketkeepers spilled a few chances. Numerous catches were dropped. If some of these catches were held then Australia would still be holding the Ashes. Catches win matches. Here the coach should be blamed for not preparing the team as well as he could have.

England's catching was not all that better. Kevin Pietersen spilled 6 chances in succession. The catch of the series was by Andrew Strauss in the slips. I cannot remember a series where so many catches were dropped.

It was sad to seee Richie Benaud perform his final commentary. The Ashes battle resumes in the winter of next year.

THE REST OF THE WORLD

Australia will next play a Rest of the World XI in 3 one-dayers and one test. These matches will be exciting for the spectators. I don't know how seriously the players will take these fixtures.

The first ever test series I saw was England v the Rest of the World in 1970. It was organised to replace the South African tour which was cancelled due to apartheid. England was hammered 4-1.

But it was great to see players such as Barry Richards, Clive Lloyd, Graeme Pollock, Garry sobers and Eddie Barlow etc. My personal highlight was Geoff Boycott's 157. Later that year the Rest of the World played a series in Australia.

How's this for a syllogism? Sheila is a Methodist. It therefore figures that all Methodists are nice people.

I wish that they could all be Greater Manchester girls.

I am now off to find a date with a cassowary.

 

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