BT Graphite 1100

...with a twin pack of BT Graphite 1100’s. You can get the g1100’s in anything from a one pack (£27) to a four pack (£73) depending on how many phones you require for your needs and how much money you have. They are, however, at the lower end of the price range for wireless phones.

In quick style, I disposed of my old bricks of burden and hooked up these babies. The base is circular with a little cut out for the hand set to lean back in. ...
...used when on hold to BT for hours on my old phones. I’d transfer the call to the other handset so the battery could last. That shouldn’t be an issue with these babies, however, as the box tells me there are up to 10 hours talking time in the batteries when they are fully charged and 100 hours (over 4 days) of standby time so you can leave your phones lying around and not worry about the battery running down. Like most phones, these will beep at you ... more

Flaming Flamingos

It has been a busy few weeks for me. Strangely I can’t remember most of what has went on. I’m sure there was some sort of debauchery involved, most likely some booze, and definitely some gays (that part I remember) whom I certainly wouldn’t mind going Homo-cidal on. I’m also quite certain that I can blame my phone for the pleasure of the company of the fore mentioned Mo’s.

I have never liked phones. Don’t get me wrong, they are a necessary evil. But mostly they are just Evil. They are hand held devices of the devil sent to test us. Where else (apart from maybe the internet, television, your mobile, your front door and on the outside of your home in general) could people intrude upon your life just to sell their wares to you? Even worse, who thought it would be a good idea to allow people you have deliberately distanced yourself from to pick up their devil stick and be instantly connected with your ear?

Devils Cup

Worse than phones, however, are phones that try their best not to work for you. Having spent most of my adult life (one to four years depending on where your starting from) with a really crappy phone, I decided to drop some hints that I really wanted a new set of house phones for Christmas. Not only did this serve to make me feel really bloody old (gone are the days of being happy with a tub of fun coloured goo, it seems) it also served to get me phones for Christmas! Huzzah!

Christmas time, ring tones and wine

Ripping through the bright and gaudy fun that is Christmas paper, I was presented with a twin pack of BT Graphite 1100’s. You can get the g1100’s in anything from a one pack (£27) to a four pack (£73) depending on how many phones you require for your needs and how much money you have. They are, however, at the lower end of the price range for wireless phones.

In quick style, I disposed of my old bricks of burden and hooked up these babies. The base is circular with a little cut out for the hand set to lean back in. Both the hand set and the base look lovely, sleek and sexy all in black. This was a giant step up from my last house phones who, if they were people, would buy all of their clothes from the reject section in Oxfam. The base’s have a little LED on the front to show when the phone is charging and when you are using it elsewhere. It also comes with a little “Find” button that will make the handset ring. Handy if you are forever loosing things!

Ferret features

The hand sets have a variety of features (along with 5 handset and base unit ringers) so I shall dance merrily through them with you now:

Like most decent phones these days, these handsets come with a phone book on board. You can store up to 50 numbers of your choice (you may want to choose phone numbers) on each hand set. IF you get more than one handset and you are going to be using them both, I would suggest making sure you store the same numbers on both. My parents had a horrible habit of saving some numbers on one phone and others on the other one. When they DID get a number onto both, they would save its name as something different on both. Since the handsets all look the same it gets quite frustrating when you are looking for a number! This handset makes it really easy to store, edit and dial the numbers from the phonebook, so kudos on that. God knows I couldn’t work out how to do it on my old phones! At least he would if he existed.

Knock Knock

Another joy of modern technology is the caller display. Want to know who is calling you? Just look at your screen! This is, of course, assuming you are signed up for a caller display service from your provider. It saves having to answer the phone to your aunt who just doesn’t shut up, or to the debt collectors who are demanding your left pinky finger to pay back some card game you once lost in Vegas.

Echo

Known to most as “speaker-phone” or “loudspeaker“, this is the feature that is used and abused all over the country. Never a more embarrassing moment than finding out you are on loudspeaker after having just said something crude or nasty (or even worse, overly nice) about someone who is in earshot. It can come in handy if you are busy doing something while someone phones, such as having a bath, cooking the tea, washing the dishes or having a giant poo. Personally, I believe loudspeaker should be replaced with a button that says “I’ll call you back when its less of a weird time for me to be talking to you”. As a side note, anyone that calls a call centre and leaves the phone on speaker phone while they are waiting so they can do stuff really deserves to be hung up on.

The downside of the hands free on this phone (other than allowing people to talk when they really shouldn’t) is that the sound from the speaker seems to cut off when it detects you speaking or making a noise. It can lead to some very confusing moments. On the plus side, they are very LOUD confusing moments!

Talk to me!!

Call waiting will display the number of someone who’s being rude and trying to interrupt your conversations. You can note who it is and either call them back later or kill them in a gruesome manner. Again this is a service you need to be signed up to from your provider. I don’t have it, but then no one phones me ever, let alone two people battling for my very short attention.

Redial will show you the last ten numbers that you dialled or that called you, just in case you have forgotten who you talked to. A feature I never really use myself, but I’m sure someone out there uses the tits off it.

Shh, here they come

Want to be really obnoxious and cut all your sound off so the person you are talking to thinks you have hung up? Well this is the button for you my friend! A horrible little invention if you ask me. Why are you speaking to someone if you feel the need to deprive them of sound to let them know you are actually still on the line?!??! Another one I would never use myself but handy for normal people I suppose.

As for auto answer, you may wish to be careful with this setting. If the handset is sitting comfortably in its base unit and the phone rings, simply lifting it from the base will pick the phone up. The first call I got on these phones was a painful experience for me. I picked the handset up, pushed the answer button (which is the same button as the loudspeaker) and stuck it to my ear. Since it was already answered, it put the loudspeaker on and blasted my ear when my friend shouted “OMG HI!”

Another reason to be wary of this setting is that most people will pick the phone up from the base to check the number on the screen. If, like the other night at my mothers, it is someone you don’t want to talk to, shouting “IF ITS DAD DON’T PICK IT UP, I CAN’T BE ARSED SPEAKING TO HIM!” while the person across the room picks the handset up to check, some awkward moments can be caused.

Confusion much

To my shock, awe and amazement, the handsets can be used as an alarm! You can set it to go off at the same time every day or use it just as a one off alarm. You can even select the ring of the alarm. The only issue I have with using the hand set as an alarm is that it would probably confuse the living crap out of me. Imagine, if you will, that you are sleeping. Your house phone starts to ring, (most likely with a tone it doesn’t usually use since it would be silly to use the same tone for your alarm right?) you wake up in a daze and fumble for the source of the noise, grab the hand set, push the answer button and start saying “hello?” or “What do you want?”. No reply. This angers you so you start shouting down the phone at your silent stalker, who is probably masturbating to your voice by now. Then suddenly you start to wonder why your phone made a different noise. It hits you that this was your alarm. You feel embarrassed, but you can deal with it since no one knew about it.

The next day, the same thing happens. You are WISE to that damn alarm thing now though. So you fumble for the phone, grumble “piss off I don’t want to get up” and push the button. You then get a phone call later that day from your grandmother chastising you about your poor telephony and social skills. Woe is you. And all because of an alarm built into your phone! At least, that’s what I’d imagine would happen if I were to use the setting.

You internal 3-way transfer slut

If you have more than one hand set and you are either lazy or have a massive house, you can make internal calls between the handsets. My mother and father took great advantage of this feature when I lived at home and would call the phone downstairs and get one of us to make them a cup of tea. Are you starting to see why I hate phones so much? I’m told you can also make three way calls on these funky little sets but I don’t know what the implications of that are. I have flashes of an American sit-com with the screen split into three and the unfortunate teenager saying the wrong thing to the wrong person or some such guff.

Call transfer is something I have only ever used when on hold to BT for hours on my old phones. I’d transfer the call to the other handset so the battery could last. That shouldn’t be an issue with these babies, however, as the box tells me there are up to 10 hours talking time in the batteries when they are fully charged and 100 hours (over 4 days) of standby time so you can leave your phones lying around and not worry about the battery running down. Like most phones, these will beep at you if they are about to die so you can rush them back to the base unit or, like my mother, make phone calls to everyone so they can be deafened by the beep coming through the phone.

Phone of doom

The volume on the phone is rather decent and you can vary the level that your earpiece is set at, your hand set rings at and the base unit rings at. I have all three set on maximum since I’ve got crappy hearing. I can be blaring slipknot and singing along and the rings will easily be heard.

The only thing that might cause a bit of a problem is that the wire for plugging the phone in at the mains is quite short meaning that you will either have to make do with putting it near a plug or invest in an extension cable. In saying that, the reception range on these puppies is about 50 meters indoors (300 meters outdoors) so I don't suppose it would really matter where you put your base unit. Don't put it THERE though....

And now the end is near

So, in conclusion, you can pretty much do everything you need to with these phones. The ringers are loud enough, as is the volume on the earpiece. They are ridiculously easy to figure out and they look brilliant. Other than the wires being a wee bit on the short side and the loudspeaker cutting off when you speak, the phones are brilliant. They are a damn sight better than my last set anyway and definitely worth the money that someone paid for them for me! Go forth and get you some. 

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