Bar billiards

My first reaction upon seeing this category here was "since when has bar billiards been an active or outdoor sport?". Well, it's here, and I'm going to write an opinion on it, so there.

Bar billiards may be a little bit of an alien concept to many. After all, most pubs seem to have a pool table or two, a snooker table if you're lucky, but no bar billiards table. I too was unsure about bar billiards until one of the pubs around here installed a table in the corner. Apparently it's the only table in South Wales according to the manager.

The table itself is about the same size as a pinball table and, like pinball, you only need access to one edge of it so it doesn't take up huge amounts of space and, if the pub have been careful in deciding where they put the table, you can play without knocking someone's pint over with the butt of your cue. The table has nine holes in it, worth between 10 and 200 points. The general idea is to get the balls in the holes and score as many points as possible.

Simple, yes? To start the game you have to do the usual pub-game thing and put some amount of money into the infernal machine. In the case of the table I play on it's £1, although as a game lasts 15 minutes, I consider this to be fairly good value. This then releases the balls and, just like in pool or snooker you have a cue ball and everything else. Now, here's where it gets complicated.

Any ball can be the cue ball. You can only hit the cue ball from the first spot on the table. There is a red ball in the game too, this has double points if you pot it. With two balls on the table to start the game can go a number of ways. You can pot one of the balls. You can pot both of the balls. In both of these cases you carry on with a new ball each time until you mess up. You can pot neither of the balls, in which case your break is over and it's someone else's go. Another way to end your break is to knock over one of the obstacles on the table. These obstacles are deliberately top heavy and are designed to really ruin your day. There are two pillar type things, knocking one of these over will result in your score for that break being cancelled. The other obstacle is a mushroom shaped object which will result in you getting really fed up as this cancels your score for the entire game. Great for putting people in their place when they've got 1000 points and are getting a little too cocky.

After 15 minutes, the bar drops. This means that you no longer get any further balls to play with. You then have to use up all of the balls on the table apart from one. This last ball is then used in another ritual designed to humiliate. In order to win, you have to pot the ball in either the 100 or 200 hole. I haven't figured out how you tell which hole you have to use. As far as I know it seems to be based on whatever Mike, the pub manager, has decided you need to do today, although I'm sure there must be a more rational explaination somewhere. The problem with this is that the 100 and 200 holes are nicely tucked away behind the sinister mushroom of doom that I mentioned earlier. Again this can easily throw away your nice 500 point lead leaving you with a big fat zero and having to buy the next round at the bar.

Bar billiards is one of the most fun things I've ever done in a pub (apart from drinking, obviously) and really makes a nice change from the usual tedium of pool, quoits, darts and the world's biggest game of Jenga. It can also be played with two, three or four people, so it's great if there's three of you where normally one person would stand by the side of the pool table looking forlorn. Even better, the relative obsurity of the game means that you don't get many people queueing up behind you to use the table after you, although we've ended up with a crowd of spectators on more than one occasion!

If you can find a table in your area, I'd really recommend giving it a go. I've never played another pub game that can combine the euphoria of a massive 400 score by potting the red ball in the 200 hole closely followed by the desparation of knocking the mushroom over and losing your entire score. True, there's people out there who get really frustrated by the game, and then there's the people out there who get hooked. It'll only cost you a quid to try it, remember!