...that's probably why you won't find any in this store!!!

If you've never heard of the Bear Factory, then you're fortunate, as it's a very addictive thing. Although we had a store open in my local shopping centre a couple of years ago, I'd never really had occasion to purchase a teddy bear. Until my parents-in-law decided to leave the country to live in Spain and I wanted to get them something 'British' to take with them as a reminder of us - preferably something that looked like it cost a lot so they wouldn't hurry back either. ;o)

Anyway, one wet December afternoon after a rather lovely lunch I wandered over to the store as I'm sure I'd remembered seeing a bear in there with a Beefeater outfit on.

As we walked into the store, I noticed that there were literally barrel upon barrel of unstuffed bears and things, kitties, pigs, at least two types of bear, two types of dog it was reminiscent of a scene from Noahs ark with two types of every animal.....

There was also a display of ready-stuffed bears - same things, just ready if you're in a rush. (Although why you'd be in a rush when the making of the bear is the best part is beyond me!!!)

So I selected my bear, and a dog for my sister-in-law too and off we trotted further back down the shop. To be honest, I was a little dumbstruck with the originality of it all and the genuine sweetness of the idea. There's a variety of bears, pigs, monkeys etc all dressed up in various outfits around the store to give you a better idea of what you'll end up with. To be precise, the current range stands at approximately (I say approx as they're forever adding new ones) 25 bears. Plus there's usually a limited edition bear out, but he costs a little bit more. As far as Fishbulb's concerned, paying nearly double the amount for a bear with a date stitched on his foot is not a good bargain.

Next stop was the voice box - I decided against this option, I didn't really want
my bear to say "I love you" in a stupid voice. Nor did I wish for it too bark, meow, hoot, whistle or growl and although the temptation was there to record my own message (cause you can do this too in a weird little half-booth thing in the store - I'd had a few glasses of wine and don't think it would have been that successful. (Plus, I never really know what to say, like when writing a card, I never know what to put - it's even harder to decide when you know that it's going to be your voice :o) )

(Pre-recorded voice boxes are about £1.99 rising to £3.99 for your own voice)

Afterwards onto a contraption which looked like a machine out of Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. *Drum rolls* The Stuffing Machine!

Sounds like fun huh? Stuffing machine, great! My limp bear was scooped out of my arms and grabbed by an extremely happy teenager. "Fat or Thin?" came her call'. "Pardon?" I said. "F-A-A-T or T-H-I-I-N?" she said, in a polite, but loud voice. A wave of panic washed over me, like a small wave lapping at the ankles of an old lady on Mablethorpe Beach. "Um.. FAT!" I declare. Obviously in my head, fat equals better. More for my money and less likely to go all limp like stuffed toys do! After a few moments of stuffing I was passed my bear and asked "Fat enough?" to which I replied..yeah, you've guessed it "Nope!" after several more times of the bear being passed back and forth between the two of us, the young girl advised me in not stuffing him any further and ushered us on our way. It was at this point, that my friend produced the dog from behind her back and with an evil grin said "Fat please!"

We watched in glee as the dog (now known as Fidget) became plumper and plumper, safe in the knowledge that it would soon be Christmas and we'd be doing much the same. (We do much the same all year round, but at Christmas we have an excuse!)

As I'm sure you've guessed the whole of the visit to this shop was an absolute dream come true for me and my drunken friend. We had the time of our lives.**

When we were finally removed from the glory that is the stuffing machine we ended up at a table. This time the instructions were more precise. "Pick a Heart!" Easy.. So we picked up a little satin red heart for each of the creatures, then they were stitched inside. What a wonderful, wonderful touch we both thought. We then were left choosing names for our new friends. We chose George for the bear as the Patron Saint of England and Fidget for the dog (as we thought it was a cool name) Don't worry if you have no idea of a name for your pet, there are albums full with names listed alphabetically split into genders. Of course, I personally cannot recommend the name Fishbulb any higher for a girl OR a boy ;o)

There is one final step too, although I wouldn't blame you for thinking that the stitching is the final bit. Next and probably the most important stage is the fluffing.

There is a dressing table where you can blow your bears hair into style (or just mess it up like we did) this step is the most important because it's the thing that brings your bear to life. After all, you wouldn't want to be awake for an operation that stitched up your whole back would you? Nope, and neither would your bear!

Now your bear has stuffing and a voice and he's awake you can take him home straight away. Or..

...you can go shopping for him.

There's all manner of things you can buy for your bear. T-Shirts, Polo shirts, dresses, jeans, duffle jackets, silk pyjamas. You can even pick him up some reading glasses and a passport (miniature version of a EU one) to take with him on his holidays. My favourite outfits have to be the space suit (complete with helmet) and more recent additions, the wizard outfit, the cap and gown (good for a graduation gift perhaps?) and the policeman outfit is really cute too. The very newest thing I've seen in the stores is the most adorable little fireman's outfit. (But I think that?s a woman thing, desiring one of those so much ;o)) I bought my Minkey (explained later) a pumpkin outfit for half price and a santa one too, as well as some of last seasons shirts. It's worth taking a peak in and seeing if there's anything decent on sale as they have them intermittently. So long as you don't have a fussy bear who must have the latest fashions ;o)

The realist in me says "oh, this is where they make their money" but the kid in me says "whoohooo miniature golf clubs".

Should you feel the desire (and have the spare cash) you can have a kiddies party at the Bear Factory stores. Basically, your kids get to experience what I did, but they also get to meet Ted the Tailor bear himself as well as bringing home a Bear Factory goodie bag. You can have a standard party (where the kids just receive bears) or a premium one (where they get to choose an outfit too) You must bear in mind though (pun intended) that there'?s no burgers and chips to be seen so this could work out very expensive for a group as you'd inevitably end up whisking them off for a McD's (although McD's is right next to the Bear Factory in MK so that's not such a hardship I guess, but it's still the cost of two parties really)

Once you've got your bear and outfit you go to the till with your bits and you can purchase a cardboard carrier for him (for about 50p) it's worth it really, especially if it's a gift. And remember that you named your bear earlier? Well, the final humbling touch to the whole Bear Factory experience is when they present you with a Birth Certificate for your bear/monkey/tiger/whatever with the date of birth (you choose this or it's the date you visited) who owns them (gift recipient) and there's also little features like name/weight/fur colour. It's sooooooooooo sweet, it really is!

The staff in our local store are genuinely friendly and outgoing, without being creepy or forcing things on you. The store is clean and well stocked with clear pricing and good displays.

There has recently been the introduction of three new bears to the family (pink/blue/lilac) these are all suitable from newborn age. And currently there's a 'Make your own bear for £9.99 deal' on advertised all over the windows of the store.

After my excitable visit to the Bear Factory, my husband bought me a Bear Factory monkey (called Minkey) who is the most adorable thing in his little chinos and checked shirts. Although he is naughty and makes a mess in the house. I'd recommend kids of all ages to visit the Bear Factory and see what they have to offer. My Minkey says when you squeeze him "My name is Minkey and I'm the cheekiest Monkey you could ever hope to meet, I like cuddles and stuff.." it's very true!!!

Typically, you can expect to pay a minimum of £9.99 for a standard bear (either pre-stuffed or stuffed yourself) plus from £4.00 upwards for shirts and the same for trousers/skirts. Special occasion outfits (like the space one) go up to around £14.99. Shoes are between £3.99 for slippers and £5.99 for boots. Although the sky's the limit when it comes to purchasing different things for your new friend.

The one thing I would suggest though, is that you stick to purchasing boy bears/tigers/pigs etc. The cuddlies look like very disturbing transsexuals when they're in ballet tutus and sandals!!! Just check out the picture DooYoo chose to use to profile this category if you don't believe me.

You can spend a lot of money in here, or very little - the choice is yours. You can check out the company history and some of their products on the website which you'll find at http://www.bearfactory.co.uk

(The price I've listed below is for an average bear with an average outfit!)

** I feel it fair to point out, that our lives are very empty and lacking of substance and visiting the Bear Factory should not be used in substitute of getting an actual life.