Beautiful Katamari (Xbox 360)

...my core.

Beautiful Katamari, the latest descendent of the series that started in Japan only with Katamari Damacy, has hit the Xbox 360. The gameplay, it's most innovative feature from the start, has naturally remained the same. You play as a funny-shaped prince, or any number of his cousins, working under the hilariously nonsensical King of the Cosmos. His stupidity has lead to the solar system being swallowed up by a black hole, not ...
...more of.

Beautiful Katamari is an appalling failure to bring anything new to the table. I got it for my birthday and was done with it the following day, having played it for scarcely three hours. All but one of the twelve (yes, twelve) levels followed the same pattern of gathering familiar objects in what more and more seemed like the same giant map. I remember feeling I was getting too big too fast, like I was Icarus and some powerful ... more

I am a huge fan of the Katamari series, so the woeful events that I here describe make me sad to my core.

Beautiful Katamari, the latest descendent of the series that started in Japan only with Katamari Damacy, has hit the Xbox 360. The gameplay, it's most innovative feature from the start, has naturally remained the same. You play as a funny-shaped prince, or any number of his cousins, working under the hilariously nonsensical King of the Cosmos. His stupidity has lead to the solar system being swallowed up by a black hole, not that the story matters at all. The point is that you have to created planets and stars by rolling around magical ball called Katamaris, starting tiny by rolling up pins and pencils and mice and erasers etc. The bigger you roll, the bigger objects you can stick to your Katamari. The controls are simply the two analog sticks of the controller- one for each hand.

This amazingly innovative design, coupled with a brilliant soundtrack, quirky dialogue, and an indescribable spectrum of objects to pick up, was what drew me to it's console predecessor We Love Katamari. The PS2 title, released almost on demand through the popularity of the first, featured an exploration of the engine with loads of levels and different scenarios, based around tasks given to you by adoring inhabitants of earth. Although the game was quite short, there was enough in it to keep me going. I knew it was something I'd want to see more of.

Beautiful Katamari is an appalling failure to bring anything new to the table. I got it for my birthday and was done with it the following day, having played it for scarcely three hours. All but one of the twelve (yes, twelve) levels followed the same pattern of gathering familiar objects in what more and more seemed like the same giant map. I remember feeling I was getting too big too fast, like I was Icarus and some powerful fiery destruction was about to get up in my face. Nothing this interesting happened, in fact. The game just ended.

While the game is still quirky as ever, there are more presents and cousins to find, the world map is nicer, and online play can be very fun, there are so many things missing. There are no loading screens this time round, which is both a blessing and a curse. In the previous titles this offered the king some time to entertain you with aforementioned funny dialogue, so now he just talks over the top of your gaming. The offline multiplayer is still limited to three constricted levels, while the new and improved online multiplayer offers you the grand total of five whole stages. Online leader boards are swell, but in making way for them the split-screen cookie counting has taken a hike. The soundtrack is brilliant, but half of it is the brilliant soundtrack from the last game. Most levels are very easy, with a couple of quasi-challenges sprinkled in- the length of the game really doesn't allow for a difficulty curve to be drawn. The graphics, although still cute, are exactly the same and make no attempt to take advantage of their new hardware. And did I mention the longevity?

But there's help on the way! It seems that extra levels will be hitting the Live Marketplace soon, boasting at least four new levels that will set you back 200 points each. So there's hope yet, I cry as disgustingly sarcastically as possible. We can pay extra money to pay for levels that should have been in the game when it was released, and that still make it barely more than three hours long.

Like so many titles from the last couple of years... Like Sonic and Rayman and Mario before him, The King of the Cosmos salutes proud fans with his middle finger and sits on shelves half-finished by a team of developers who have done the absolute minimum work possible. It really grinds my testicles that nobody took any time to think about things. The building blocks are right there under their noses: an amazing engine, tons of level content, pretty colours. If someone had been slapped in the face and told to make the game a proper length, with 40-50 levels; a new soundtrack (it doesn't need to be original); some special rules; extended options for multiplayer; the end credits mini-game actually put to use as a stand-alone level....

But no.

And it all brings me back to the beginning. This game makes me sad to the core, and I want them to know just what they have done. Tomorrow I am taking Beautiful Katamari back from whence it came and using the refunded money to buy GTA4. Maybe I can pretend that the gangsters I blast are all the cousins of the Prince. I have never been hurt by something so beautiful. 

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