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"I always keep a stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy" - W. C. Fields
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If you've ever read a tabloid newspaper or a men's magazine, you'll have heard of Jordan. In more recent times, you don't even need to have done this to have heard of her, thanks to her attempts to represent the UK in 2005's Eurovision Song Contest and her appearance in the 2004 series of ITV's "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!"
Unfortunately, the hardback version of this book was written before the former and published just after the latter, so it's the tabloid fans that are best catered for here. I would hope that the paperback version will contain more information on the last 18 months of her life, during which she's gotten engaged, given birth to her second child and launched a singing career.
Born Katie Infield in Brighton, Jordan's problems with men started when she was three years old and her father, who hadn't really been around much, left for good. Her home life was to become a little more stable after her mother remarried, and the surname she now uses, Price, is that of her stepfather.
Although she denies it had any impact on her growing up, this is a story of failed relationships with men. Her attempts to become a model led her into a dangerous professional relationship with an amateur photographer who turned out to be a paedophile. From there on, it's her personal relationships that failed to go well, as she lurched from one disaster to another even as her dream career came true.
This
means is that the book is mostly concerned with these two aspects of her life. There are brief mentions of her family and her time before she became a model, but they seem to be largely glossed over as if Jordan's eager to get them out of the way to get to what she feels is the real meat of the story. This is fine, if all you read is the Sun and News of the World or footballers' biographies.
For the more discerning reader amongst us, however, it proves to be a dreadful let down. Anyone hoping that Katie Price would be lifting the lid on her thoughts and feelings about life and telling about the bits that didn't make the tabloids as they happened before she ever became Jordan will be dreadfully disappointed. There is virtually nothing here that has not featured in one tabloid newspaper or another, even if it is written from a slightly different point of view.
Of course, it's unlikely that anyone looking to buy Jordan's autobiography is going to be expecting any great work of literature. That being the case, it's a great read. It's written in the language of the tabloids, which is to say in pretty simple language. It's the closest you can come to having a no-brainer in a book.
When somebody lives their life very much in the public eye, or in the pages of the tabloids, you have to expect that much of their life will have already been published elsewhere. But you would hope that when they do come to tell their side of the story, they would tell you the bits that didn't make the press. Jordan doesn't do that, merely treading over old ground. The only major difference between what is here and what is in the tabloids is that it's completely one sided, with Jordan being the victim and making out that the only thing she has ever done wrong is to make a few unwise choices.
The whole thing is wildly self indulgent and strangely lacking in emotion. Sure, we're hearing all about Jordan's love, or at least sex, life but there's little that involves you in the story. You can't really get emotionally involved when she falls in love and it's virtually impossible to feel her pain when she's treated badly of when things go wrong. It's only when she talks of her son Harvey that she seems to be emotionally involved in her own life in any way.
None of my preconceptions about Jordan were changed in reading "Being Jordan". I didn't get the impression that she was Katie Price inside and Jordan was just a suit she wore for work. Although she seems like a caring mother and someone who is desperately in need of reassurance and attention, this doesn't really come as a surprise. Before reading this book, I'd thought of Jordan as someone who thrives on the attention and will do whatever it takes to get it. This hasn't changed.
Like many hardback books, "Being Jordan" is ridiculously overpriced. But it seems even worse this time around, when you think that for the RRP of £16.99 you could buy 56 copies of The Sun, which would provide you with a higher, if not more intelligent word count and probably contain more about Jordan than this book does.
The paperback version, which I haven't read, is now available at a more reasonable RRP of £7.99 and supposedly provides more on her most recent relationship with Peter Andre and more about her attempts to have a singing career, which hasn't been widely reported. It should be noted that even this was published before their recent wedding, so won't have an account of the actual day, although it may mention the preparations.
The paperback can be found for £3.99 at Amazon and £1.44 from the Amazon Marketplace, which makes it much better value. However, it's still only something you should be reading if you're a particular fan of Jordan, as if you're someone who just enjoys gossip in general, you could have got all this from the tabloids and if you like reading biographies for the insights into a person's life they can provide, you'll be horribly let down by "Being Jordan", as it has none.
Incidentally, if you're a bloke hoping to buy it for pictures of Jordan in various states of undress, I wouldn't bother there, either. Certainly the hardback copy only had a couple from her Page 3 days, which is before she started having the operations. If that's all you're after, you'd be better off flicking through the pictures in the shop and returning the book to the shelf.
I will readily admit to being a Sun reader, despite knowing I really shouldn't be, but as no real fan of Jordan herself, even I found this to be dumbed down and lacking in any real insight. At least in the Sun, I could skip to the sports pages, but in "Being Jordan", all I can do is skip to where she's having a relationship with a footballer.
In much the same way that a Beano Annual takes your favourite characters from the comic and puts them all together in a hard cover, so "Being Jordan" is the equivalent of a Sun Annual. It gives you the same characters, acting in the same way, and gives them to you in one large chunk that you'll soon tire of.
Indeed, the only saving grace to the hardback copy of "Being Jordan" I have just read is this. I borrowed it from a colleague, so reading it didn't cost me a penny - which is about what its worth - and I can give it back and put it completely out of my mind, which will take all of thirty seconds.
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loved the comment about buying the sun 56 times instead of this book
darren1982 01.09.2006 13:27
Jordan - Katie price, whatever! a good review but this girl is so over rated, liked her on I'm A Celeb but hated her ever since
mollbird 13.05.2006 17:59
I've never really been even slightly interested in readin this book but I'm glad I read your review. My surname is Price and I've been in almost constant fear that someone would do my family tree one day and uncover a genetic link between me and this vulgar celebrity. But as you pointed out, she wasn't born a Price so hopefully I shouldn't get an inexplicable urge to super inflate my chest!!! Moll
Nov 7th, 2005
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