For close to a decade now, Big Brother has been the cornerstone to my summer with its long list of housemates forced into confinement so that when the discussion runs dry with your friends you have the desperation point of saying, "Hey, did you see what happened on Big Brother last night?" Lets face it though, the show has only ever worked if the people inside the house are worth talking about, and with this ninth season of BB you do get the feeling we are watching nine years worth of rejections. And this is not just me being bitter because I did not make it through the audition stage to make it into the house, but rather a reflection on exactly why viewers are tuning out in their millions to further make Channel4 rethink their scheduling strategy.

Some bright spark a few years back decided that they didn't know what they were doing when they decided to give males and females their designated bedrooms, and to sex up the show it was only right to throw them all into one uni-sex bedroom. This concept took another giant leap last year when they created over-sized beds so that everyone would have to sleep together, Tila Tequila-esque. 2008 is the first year for many that the idea of two separate bedrooms has returned, this is in the shape of a luxurious bedroom with velvet double beds and another that is more reminiscent of a few decks down on a navy warship. Perhaps this was designed to inspire jealousy, but people seem inclined to just sleep where ever they want regardless of sex. This is the first year I have ever known for them to include a walk in wardrobe as part of the luxury bedroom.

I may seem to know a lot for someone that is openly saying that they are not enjoying and watching a minimal ammount of this series, which is strange from someone that has previously sat around in the middle of the night watching them do simple things like stroke on anothers hair. And of course I have seen the more glorious moments, such as the fight night in BB5. I just happen to be one of those people that enjoys the tabloids, and if you read enough of The Sun and Daily Star you are likely to pick up anything worth noting. The record sixteen housemates certainly isn't working out so well, and when the completed line up was in the house I couldn't believe that was it. Allow me to run down the list now from best to worst, but believe me there isn't much between them.

SYLVIA (21) - In appearance she is a cross between Rihanna and Chelsea off Eastenders, but unfortunately she lacks the charisma of either. Sylvia is however one of the most important housemates at this stage as I am sure she can cause trouble, and there is very few people that would verbally abuse a blind man when they have done something disrespectful. Still, this sexy student is a sure thing to get boo'ed on exit.

JENNIFER (21) - Genuinely keep getting her confused with another housemate, but Jen is the most attractive of the pair. Her press attention on the outside has probably been more interesting than what's happening on the inside, as there are reports of her husband not having a clue that she was going in the house. Now in there she's talking about how they're getting divorced, whilst he isn't lumbered outside alone with their baby. Apparently obsessed with fame, I feel there is something slightly unsettling going on in Jen's head.

STEPHANIE (19, EVICTED) - Youngest of all the housemates and first out was the fit scouse bird that said, "F***ing dick'ed." Unfortunate, and I don't think she's managed to ressurect her career as the girl that was kicked out of Girls Aloud.