Review of "Bulmers Scrumpy Jack Cider"

published 22/06/2004 | PitSweat
Member since : 03/01/2003
Reviews : 25
Members who trust : 2
About me :
Pro Fine taste, vit C, very easy to consume
Cons after effects, very fine line between enjoyment and monged
very helpful

"Why Don't My Legs Work Anymore?"

Scrumpy 1

Scrumpy 1

Scrumpy Jack, this one’s the commercial version of “the daddy”, known by those in the know, feared by those who have mocked, tried & regurgitated and certainly respected by those with past experiences. But anyway, let’s talk cider.

I’m a fan of cider to the point of partaking in no other drink of volume, having had previous stomach wrenching situations involving quantities of lager exiting my system at rapid velocity. Spirits I enjoy, hence my nose, the nose that can tell a good brandy from one intended to quaff or strip wallpaper, but also a nose well weathered with age and seasoned through the art of brandy sampling. But I’m getting side tracked here, back to cider.

I first tried cider in my er… late teens. Not wishing to associate myself with the rabble and peasant stock swigging from bottles of 99p 2 litre bottles of windowline-esque gut-rot behind the bike sheds and bus shelters , risking pregnancy and pox, I found my taste buds swayed (with my legs) to the proper stuff, spirits. This, of course, put me in the position of being severely out of pocket, especially when journeying to the local pub rather than traversing the cheep treble offering hovels of good olde Newcastle. There was a decision to make, poverty, sobriety or cider. What else was a single chap in such a decision supposed to do?

I’m afraid to say that living in the North East I am kind of limited to what I am able to purchase from pubs, in terms of cider. Woodpecker used to be the most popular and available option, but with the rapid spread of such bars as Lloyds Bar and Wetherspoons, the damnable Blackthorn seems to be increasing in popularity (a word used to demonstrate it’s growth pattern, not it’s appeal to the palate). For those who truly appreciate a proper pint, there are still a few establishments (not that I would call them respectable establishments but never the less) that cater in fine ales and quality ciders of unknown ages (within their respective caskets) and unspeakable alcohol volumes. Everyone knows of such an establishment, generally filthy in appearance, dark and dingy, and surviving against all odds against closure that seems to strike at pubs far more reputable despite their apparent lack of patronage. It was in such a seedy spot that I first tried and still continue to sample, the fine cider of Scrumpy Jack… Oh yeah, you can buy it at supermarkets but where is the adventure in that?

If I recall correctly, through the haze of what was left of my alcohol erased memory back to the haze of what was my youth, I was attending a public house called the Tut & Shive in Newcastle, in support of a fellow work colleague (civil servant) who at that time was appearing on stage with the rest of his band known as Enriquo’s Plan, or something as ridiculous. Prior to this I and a couple of close friends, all male (I had come to the sensible conclusion early in my youth that women had far too expensive a taste for my shallow pockets and should be avoided until my wages could cater or my liver packed out. I’m sure my wife could add to this but again, I stray from my tale) and all ratted, had placed an adequate coating of cheep trebles to our stomach lining to ensure maximum enjoyment of the entertainment to come (most of which we provided). Upon entering the bar, I noticed the Scrumpy Jack pump, something never spotted before in any public house that I had frequented or been discharged into the street from. Obviously I immediately commanded the barkeep to pass over a pint, preferably in a clean glass (Note: not a wise idea by any means). One of my colleagues noticed this and looked in horror but, despite his firm warnings and threats to my personal being I took a mouthful to get an idea of the drink, liked it and before I knew it had reached a stage where I could view the bar through the bottom of the glass with apparent 20/20 vision (until of course, the glass was taken away from my eye).

From this point onwards, all I can recall are images of a new pint, an up close view of the inside of a filthy toilet bowl, a new pint of Scrumpy, that same toilet once more… etc. I think you get the picture, not that you would want a picture mind you. I have been told snippets, enough detail to make me wonder about the night and what else went on. These snippets, unfortunately, have brought forth memories buried deep with shame, of dancing, of covering the crowd with toilet paper streamers, of vomiting on the stage and professing my love to the speakers. I lie to you not.

Anyway, since then I have attained not only a healthy appreciation for the drink itself, but also a healthy respect for the drink in terms of what it can do at the time and the next day when it attempts to force your brain through your pupil during the hangover from hell.

Now I have that of my chest (and hope my wife never searches for Scrumpy Jack on google), shall we take a quick peak at the drink itself. Please note that while the above is obviously all my own work, obvious due to the fact that nobody else would attempt to write such a tall tale about Scrumpy Jack (you’ll have to wait for the panty liner review I’m afraid, I’m still testing them out), what follows is more of a compilation of what I consider the important details, acquired from other sites. While this may seem a kind of cop-out, please remember that I myself do not make Scrumpy Jack (unless you count what I discharge following a 8 pint session) and therefore compile this information for your benefit, not in order to steal someone else’s hard work. Till next time….

Strength. Contains 6% alcohol volume. This is very important, especially to those who wish to get drunk in the quickest possible time. 6% as anyone should know, is very strong, unless of course you are drinking spirits or wine. And for those lager drinkers who mock the good old cider drinker, you don’t know what you’re talking about (and after a few pints of this, neither do I).

Serving Suggestions. Serve cold. This, served warm, tastes exactly how your wee smells after 8 pints and an 8 hour sleep. Not pleasant.

Cost. You’re looking at a typical (these days) couple of pounds per pint, though I did notice at my local Nisa last night that they are doing a special at the moment (June 2004) for 5 x 440ml cans for a fiver. Not to be taken lightly.

If anyone needs to know anything else please comment and I’ll add them here. But as I warned above, I will simply be mirroring the details already acquired and, having read other reviews, I’m a great believer in badgering people to read other reviews. After all, they have put in the work and should be respected for that.

Luv Pit.

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Comments on this review

  • grapesoda published 15/04/2007
    Sounds nice x
  • ElizaF published 22/06/2004
    panty liner op??!! :) xx E.
  • MAFARRIMOND published 22/06/2004
    I love an ice cold cider on summer days. Enjoyed the review. Maureen
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Product Information : Bulmers Scrumpy Jack Cider

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Product Details

Manufacturer: Bulmers


Listed on Ciao since: 29/12/2001