Once upon a time, I was sittng here at my PC at 2.00 in the morning when suddenly there was an earthquake.
The walls shook. The furniture danced. Everyone went out into the street thinking that a 'plane had come down on their house.
The Canon i455 sounds similar.
It likes to clean itself and goes through some internal mechanical acrobatics that are a joy to experience. If you liked skiffle you'll love this printer. It seems to go off like a paradiddle on a set of saucepans every time I look at it.
I've had quieter motorbike accidents.
So you'll no doubt be surprised to learn that I bought this printer deliberately even though I'd read that it was a bit of a Ginger Baker in reviews.
There was method to my madness, however.
Let me explain.
My previous printer was an HP inkjet which was capable of producing very good photo quality prints. It had to in order make all the tenners to pay for the incredibly expensive ink-cartridges!
I realised that there was little point in having all that quality if I couldn't afford to use it. That's why I happily sold it to a friend at the first opportunity.
I'd been looking at the price of cartridges on the internet and I soom discovered that it was possible to get photo-quality prints from the Canon i455 and, indeed, from Epson printers.
That was of particular interest to me because I'd found a two for one offer at inkfactory.com that only applied to those two makes.
True, the cartridges are smaller than those in my previous printer, but this is more than offset by being able to order, say, two black cartridges and get two more free - all for under £19.
I'm sure that there are lots of other places with great deals online too. Prink.co.uk do packs of three cartridges for only £5.95 black and £6.95 colour.
I'd be happier about that last bit of info if I'd realised it before I'd ordered the double-packs just twenty minutes ago!
The point is that the Canon i455 is really cheap to run. You could spend more on a packet of smelly cigarettes than you have to for these cartridges.
And the lovely thing is that the performance of this printer is fine. I have walls filled with framed A4 photographs of the family visiting castles, skiing, smiling insanely and dribbling - and they all look vivid and colourful.
The results depend rather a lot on the paper you use. This will be true of most printers but if you didn't know about it I'll mention it briefly here.
Normal paper for a printer is coarse and absorbent which lets the ink dots spread out like blots on blotting paper. The result is blurred and unimpressive. If you get high-definition paper the quality goes way up because it doesn't blot in the same way. For the very best result you need glossy paper on which pictures look superb.
I read somewhere that Canon ink is likely to degrade with prolonged contact with the air. Usually one might expect light to cause photo degradation. Quite honestly, I don't worry about this because if ever a picture rotted into a faded heap I'd just print a new one at these prices. Everything is backed up on CD.
So even though you'd think my room had been taken over by clockwork mice every time I want to print an absence note for one of the children, the quality of the pictures and text from the i455 are great, and the cartridges are - as a great Duke once said - 'as cheap as chips.'.
I'd recommend this to anyone deaf or interested in percussion. It will make lovely pictures on the right paper, and you'll never have to worry about the kids printing out (as my daughter once did) every image they can find of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to decorate a wall of their bedroom.
At the time of this review the i455 is available from Comet at £59.99.
Here's a perfect opportunity to irritate the neighbours and surround yourself with memories of your holidays at the same time.
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