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Well this a poem from my heart and a tribute to Bleep and Booster my IVF twins that passed that are now in Gods hands.
Never a day goes by when I don't think of you, And all the things that you would be able to do, I was so upset, when they told me I could not conceive. At first it was really hard to take in and believe.
We were given a chance on IVF treatment, A baby at the end would be heaven sent. Travelling 50 miles to the hospital every day, Hoping and praying that you would be okay.
We sat there watching the pregnancy test go blue, We just couldn't believe it, was it really so true. We walked out of the hospital so high that day, And hoped and prayed that you were safe and okay.
Then the news comes that there was more than one. Brilliant we said, double the fun. I named you both Bleep and Booster in my tum, And could not wait, till I was a real mum.
Life carried on in a hazy way, Pregancy dates worked out to the very day, As time went by and the doctors said your'e well, We were going to be proud parents and my tummy began to swell.
Then all of a sudden, I had an awful pain, I cried my eyes out and was going insane, We rushed to the hospital screaming please help me. The doctors and nurses saw what was happening and could see.
I was told that something was seriously amiss, My fear grew for my unborn kids. Before I blinked, I was told one had gone, But the other was kicking in, now there was only one.
I prayed and prayed that night in the bed. Was there anything that I could have done or said. I talked to you both and my eyes were not dry, The nurse who was with me also started to cry.
What sort of mum was I? To let one of you die. I felt so scared that you would leave me too, What on earth could I now do.
The Doctor came in with a sad look on his face, As though he had lost in a race, Theres something wrong with the second baby, There is a chance that, you could lose it maybe.
I cried and cried and cried for days on end, And prayed for my baby that God was to send. Then I was told that it had gone ectopic, And I was to face a abortion, how sick.
How could you God, give me so much sadness, Giving me twins and making such a mess. How could I get rid of you just like that, You were so much wanted, I could not do that.
They let me go home to make my final decision, about letting you go and without a reason. I never knew whether you were a girl or a boy, How could I discard you just like a broken toy.
Then a couple of days later, feeling a bit better, Went out shopping when suddenly felt wetter, I looked down and it was just no good, I could see the signs, I was losing blood.
This time I went straight to the Ward. The Doctors arrived and said there is something untoward. I was so scared, I thought I was going to die, And all I could do is cry and cry.
I cuddled my tummy and begged you to stay, Please God, we'll take it day by day. Then one day whilst going to the loo, I noticed something that was not true.
I saw you there, in a little pink blob, A child in the making and how you made me sob. I sat on the floor shaking in fear, I had lost my final dear.
I held you for ages and cleaned you through. Before doing what I had to do. They did some tests and it confirmed my worst fears, That you had been taken, so faraway but yet so near.
All of a sudden I was pregnant no more, I just felt a hopless mess of blood and gore. We tried again on IVF to hopefully suceed, But they told me, you will never be a mum indeed.
For so many drugs had been used on me, That the eggs had disappeared you see. No one can take away the fact that I was going to be a mum. And that inside was Bleep and Booster in my tum.
I often think about both of you and now you would be five. Two strong youngsters fit and alive. But you were taken away to live in heaven, A beautiful world and in a safe haven.
I will never forget how we felt, when we saw the test. And dreams of seeing you grow to be the best. But one thing that can never be apart, Is the love for you that is held in my heart.
Time is a great healer or so they say. Gone are the tears, that I did every day. It is time to say goodbye and move on. But my feelings and memories, will be always be there and never gone.