Counselling > Reviews (1)

So you think you could be a counsellor?

I have already written an opinion on counselling training programs. This time I thought I would write an opinion on counselling and your reasons for thinking you could become one. Why you would want to become a counsellor. Examine the reasons carefully. We all live with pretentions in our lives, we all think we can do things we cant or are good at things we are not. This especially applies to counselling.

Here are some questions you should ask yourself carefully before you even think of attempting to become a counsellor.

1)Do all your friends, family workmates and acquaintances come to you for help and advice on matters going on in their life?

If you answered yes, then do you listen and keep quiet before answering, or do you butt in and try to solve the problem for them? Do you give advice? Do you try to "rescue" them?
You should be keeping quiet. Listening properly is an art in itself and is one of the most important skills in counselling. Listening skills are drummed into you from the beginning of any counselling course.
However counselling is NOT about giving advice as most people think. It is about helping that person solve the problem themselves, you are just a tool to help them achieve that aim.
Giving advice or telling people what to do to solve the problem may have worked for you but will it work for them? Everybody’s circumstances and reactions are different.
Giving advice is being directive, counselling is non-directive and all about the client having freedom of choice to choose for themselves the best way forward.

2)Have you had a recent major or many smaller traumas in your life in quick succession? By this I mean things like divorcing, close family death, bankruptcy, children leaving home, redundancy, I think you understand what I mean.

A lot of people, and I have seen many, come into counselling because they “THINK” they have sorted out their own problem/s but really they are using counselling as their own personal therapy. You may think this does not happen but I have seen it plenty of times.
Having said that though, if you genuinely have come out of the other side of these problems then we are always stronger people for the experience, and it can help you immensely, in counselling work as it helps you empathise with other people’s problems.

3)Do you sympathise with people when they have a major trauma?

We all do, but could you sit in a counselling room and not sympathise with someone when they come in and tell you their husband has left them after twenty years and their three kids have just been killed in a car crash?
In counselling you would be wrong. You must empathise but not SYMPATHISE. Empathy means being able to put yourself on the edge of that person’s hole and feeling their pain without falling in the hole with them. Sympathy is falling in the hole with them. Could you do that?

4)This is one of the most important qualities and I can’t emphasise how important this one is. ACCEPTANCE.
What is that you are saying?

What would you do if a paedophile wanted counselling? Could you treat him as an equal? Or would you want to hang him? I know what most people’s reaction would be. Could you honestly sit there and help him when he filled you with disgust. In counselling you must do that. Could you sit there and not judge him? I am using paedophilia, as an extreme, but here’s another example. As a woman you hate abortion, what would you do if a young woman came in and said she had just had her third abortion. Lets say it was because she was careless for the third time with birth control. No other reason. You have had a miscarriage two weeks ago after trying for a baby for three years. How would you feel? Could you HONESTLY sit with her and counsel her without thinking this is not fair, and not judge her. Difficult isn’t it.
That’s the sort of thing you have to do. Could you do it?
YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY ARE. WE ARE ALL UNIQUE AND WE ALL HAVE A RIGHT TO BE THAT WAY. All of us regardless of race, religion, beliefs, colour, gender, sexuality, and more things that I could list here. You get my meaning.

5) The last thing and quite important is that to counsel you must be genuine.

You must have the ability to be yourself and not put up a front or pretence to the client. In other words you must be honest. True to yourself. No pretence.

I have only gone through the basic qualities you need for counselling skills.
In counselling we call these the core conditions and are known as AGE.
Acceptance.
Genuineness.
Empathy.

And then of course you need listening skills. Listening skills are the most important of all, as we all have a natural curiosity to find out more about someone elses lives. Lastly make sure you don’t want to counsel just to help yourself.
If you go into counselling without knowing yourself and being very aware of yourself you will do more damage to the client than help.
If having read this you think you have these abilities then go for it. It is very rewarding but it can be very mentally and emotionally demanding.
One other thing my wife has just mentioned to me is that this opinion sounds as if it has been written for women so for the record, although I have used women’s issues for the issues mentioned, this was not intended. Issues for men are just as important. However at present in the UK there are about eight women counsellors to every one man.

I am now in my third year of a four year course for counselling. I have now become a voluteer in the local bereavement service and am seeing clients on a regular basis. This course has made me so aware of things going on around me, and the intense self-awareness of myself is sometimes frightening. I used to judge people very harshly a few years ago without much thought. This situation has changed immensely since doing this course. The changes that go on around you can be frightening, because you are changing so much, it changes relationships around you, including your relationship with your partner.
You are taking two steps forward in your personal development and they are staying where they are. It can cause problems as the other person starts to feel insecure at the changes going on inside you.
However it does have its great advantages, as it boosts your self-esteem, and gives you far more confidence. I know i am a far better person for becoming a counsellor.
Anyway this is an updated review as i have advanced a little more since i wrote this and not many people read it, as it was one of my very early ones. Hope you enjoyed it.

Regards…………..Tony.