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It is very tempting to write about a product relating to oral hygiene - especially one that, well, vibrates - by littering the article with smutty jokes, innuendoes and the odd comment that you might have never had anything so powerful in your mouth before, but I fear that would result in a whole host of "bah humbug you pervert" comments, low ratings and a verbal pasting off Tallulahbang for being a bit of a hoe and succumbing to the crudity of my mind. But I suppose that would stop her from moaning at me for a little while about always pushing my blog page.
The trouble is there isn't really much you can write about a toothbrush that is overly exciting. Oh look, it has some bristles, and a handle and - ooh - this one you can switch on and it will try and forcibly remove your fillings. And it's not ridiculously expensive.
Whilst manufacturers like Philips and Cybersonic make toothbrushes that sound like an object from Doctor Who's utility belt, full of promises to remove plaque via a mixture of voodoo and sheer brutality, Crest's SpinBrush product simply cleans your teeth. And it does the job very well.
The SpinBrush doesn't claim to stroke you 45'000 times a minute, nor does it come with a plethora of attachments for cleaning your tongue or removing crusty lumps from beneath your foreskin, but neither does it cost you four million pounds to buy. Instead, it costs £2.99, massages your teeth at a gum-bleedingly quick 3'700 strokes per minute, comes with one simple head for giving pleasure to your mouth and feels large and firm in your hand.
What makes this electric toothbrush stand out from the crowd is its dual-action spin-oscillation head. Whilst many toothbrushes, expensive or cheap, simply vibrate up and down on your teeth, this one has two parts to it. The top, circular part spins like a merry-go-round to clean and polish your teeth whilst the lower part moves in an up-and-down manner to remove plaque and massage the gum line, resulting in a toothbrush that, according to Crest, can remove up to 70% more plaque in hard-to-reach places than an ordinary manual brush.
The head unit feels a little large in the mouth and can be a touch uncomfortable at first, but you quickly get used to it and your teeth feel all clean and tingly from the first time you use it. Unlike the more expensive electric toothbrushes, Crest haven't tried to make this item ergonomic or sexy in any way; instead, it simply sits on the side of your basin waiting for its next use, looking somewhat butch and capable of doing its job. I suspect a Sonic brush might whimper at the sight of it, afraid that it was about to take a beating from its rather council-estate looking sibling.
The head units can be replaced at a cost of between £1.99 and £3.99 depending on supplier and should be replaced every three months or when the bristles have softened too much and, as toothbrushes go, this one does the job as satisfying as any other I've tried, without breaking the bank. It's affordable, comfortable (once you get used to it) and effective. It doesn't pretend to be something it's not and is designed well enough that the battery compartment, which includes two AA batteries, is unlikely to leak and electrocute you after a few months of usage.
If you're looking for something different to stick in your mouth for a change, I'd highly recommend this little beauty. Just remember - as with anything you might wish to indulge in orally, don't switch it on until it's in your mouth, otherwise things might just get a tad messy. My wife is fed up of wiping the bathroom mirror clean...
*** (Incidentally, you can find my blog at http://thetragiccolumn.blogspot.com/)
I'd probably have berated you for being a 'ho, rather than a gardening implement. Homophones ARE tricky, aren't they? xx
tune57 10.01.2008 15:27
Bought one of these for 16 year old son. Wish I hadn't bothered now spending that much on a toothbrush for him, as he has started to chew his tooth brushes and it now looks more like a toilet brush. :-D