************ Due to popular demand (or the fact that you're all a wee bit sick and twisted) there's now a photo of my wounded heel at the bottom. You'll look at it and be amazed by my pain tolerance. It's a rubbish photo (bear in mind that I was very pissed, and taking that photo at a bizarre angle was the last thing I did before I collapsed) that looks a lot like my foot's been amputated, but rest assured, the shoes aren't THAT bad. I'll expect you all to be properly sympathetic, now that you've seen the evidence. ************

None of that's related in any way to the product, but in a fairly roundabout manner I'm getting there. The reason my mother's getting what is, essentially, a big pile of utter fecking rubbish this year is that I spent all my money down the pub last night in honour of St Patrick's Day. Slainte! I had a cracking night. Despite this, I seem to be magically hangover-free this morning, which means either a) that my liver's a medical miracle, or b) that I'm still drunk. Option b is by far the more likely, but my spelling seems pretty unaffected (unless Microsoft spell checker works faster than the eye can see, and I doubt that anything produced my Microsoft is capable of that kind of efficiency). However, whilst my spelling and grammatical prowess may remain intact after last night's shenanigans, the same cannot be said of my feet.

Him: You've got really cool tattoos.
Me: Uh-huh. My shoes are filling with blood.
Him: Ok then. You take care. Bye now.

My feet were still bleeding this morning (and if that isn't the hallmark of a quality night, I just don't know what is) so I needed plasters. Now, I injure myself all the damn time so I'd be capable of performing minor surgery using only the contents of my first aid kit if necessary. Normally I opt for the glow in the dark ones that have wee planets and spaceships on them, but the chemist had run out of them, so I had to make do with these.

Unlike cheap own brand plasters these don't peel themselves off mere seconds after they're applied, and cope with being immersed in water fairly well also. Although mine have only been on since this morning (I probably should have done that last night, but my co-ordination is not good at the best of times and it took me half an hour just to get the key in the door, so I thought it'd probably be best to leave well alone) they stopped the bleeding immediately. They come in standard sizes to fit most injuries, with the exception of the aforementioned hideous gardening accident. The one on my heel needed two to cover it, but then I was wearing shoes designed by the devil solely for the purpose of making me cry. Once they're on you can pretty much forget about them as they're comfortable and cover the wound sufficiently so that you won't be screaming in agony should you bump it against anything/have to wear shoes ever again.