Epson Stylus Photo 900

The Epson Stylus Photo 900 printer - with its chic silver bum cheeks and grey lashing tongue - you will wonder why you ever spent you hard earned cash on any other A4 printer. I mean this printer, besides looking like the dog's ball sack, can print at exceptional quality and speed. It's terrible, just terrible, that Epson had to stop manufacturing these babies and instead have it replaced with the Epson R300 printer. Grr!

I have had ...
...messy for a task, my Epson would print it out for me in type. Whenever I feared my family photos would come out looking like baby's dribble, my Epson proved me wrong. And whenever I needed to print out that special edition bikini wax babe picture at high speed and high quality before my girlfriend could even ask what it was I was printing out, my Epson delivered. Isn't she a doll? She's never temperamental, she isn't high maintenance and she always ... more

The Epson Stylus Photo 900 printer - with its chic silver bum cheeks and grey lashing tongue - you will wonder why you ever spent you hard earned cash on any other A4 printer. I mean this printer, besides looking like the dog's ball sack, can print at exceptional quality and speed. It's terrible, just terrible, that Epson had to stop manufacturing these babies and instead have it replaced with the Epson R300 printer. Grr!

I have had my trusty Epson Stylus Photo 900 printer now for many years. She (you don't mind if I refer to this printer as a she do you?) has been my faithful and trusty companion throughout my university and job seeking years. Whenever I feared my handwriting would be too messy for a task, my Epson would print it out for me in type. Whenever I feared my family photos would come out looking like baby's dribble, my Epson proved me wrong. And whenever I needed to print out that special edition bikini wax babe picture at high speed and high quality before my girlfriend could even ask what it was I was printing out, my Epson delivered. Isn't she a doll? She's never temperamental, she isn't high maintenance and she always does as she is told. Too bad the same can't be said about most things in my life...

How I met her was when I decided to take a trip down West End, London, to generally shop around for... general stuff. My girlfriend's sister decided to tag along, because she wanted to go too Oxford Street all month but no one wanted to go with her (if you met her you would understand why. She is the biggest, moaniest, most selfish cow you would ever meet! She would ask "Hey how's my thighs in these jeans? Be honest!" so I tell her "They make your legs look like a couple of tree trunks and emphasises your bum cheeks in away that only hippos could understand." Then she goes off on one, but that's another story.)

Anyways, as I was walking I spot the electronic shop Currys on Oxford Street and I go "Ooo!" The sister looks at me with that 'Oh great' look on her face and says "I'm going to TopShop, cya in a mo!" before dashing off skipping like a newly born filly. Left alone with my wallet throbbing in my side pocket, I began my journey into the store... to my destiny...

Ok ok… it wasn't as dramatic as it sounds. I just walked in, was immediately greeted by a shop assistant (to which I sent off with a flick of my wrist), and started to look around with my eagle eyes hawking the area for decent bargains. Then I spotted her... the Epson Stylus Photo 900 A4 printer. It was love at first sight, because despite there being tons of printers all over the shelves next to it, that printer was the one that caught my attention. The curves, the looks, even the price tag (priced £129 at the time I bought it); she was perfect in every way! I thought about it, and the only printer I had at home was a crappy Lexmark Z33 that looked like a dying giraffe and printed like a mule rubbing its skid marks over the paper. Therefore, I thought "What the hey?" and bought it.

Paying for her was an easy task, it was the carrying her home that was really the problem. Since I travelled there by bus, I had to carry her home via bus as well, and she was packed in a massive box of immense size. For an A4 printer, the box really was too big in my opinion. I quickly called the sister and asked for help in carrying her home as misery loves company, but alas she was too busy checking out her racer back tops and halter neck vests, and suggested I go home alone and leave her to it (what the hell are they anyway? A vest is a vest right?). Nuh! I told my girlfriend on her later on.

The printer was light as first, but as I lugged the box to the bus stop I noticed that there were tons and tons of people getting on the buses and packing it up! There was no way I was getting on there with this massive box in my arms, so I had to wait. After waiting a while, I got fed up and started to walk with the box in my arms to the next bus stop hoping that maybe an empty one would come by. One bus stop became two bus stops, and two bus stops became three. I walked for ages to different bus stops but I soon realised that no buses were coming. That was very odd. The box was light at first, but after 30 minutes of carrying it my back and arms felt like they were under the strain of a 7 hour sex session. Eventually... the 56 bus came along (I was at Angel Islington by then) and it was empty at the bottom deck! I caught the bus and I was home free. What's the moral of this story? Buy online.

At home I took the greatest care to unpack her, because the slightest wrong move made my back ache like there was no tomorrow. The printer was very safely packed and within the box I found:

2 x paper roller thingies
2 x Software driver CDs
CD print tray
Paper rest
Power cable
Manuals and warrantee info
Ink cartridges (1 black 1 colour)

The first thing that caught my attention was that there was no USB or printer cable. I looked around going "Hey where the hell is that printer cable?" But then I realised, there wasn't one! Epson doesn't supply you with the needed printer cables you need, and I was really upset! Grr. the second thing I noticed was the total lack of sample Epson paper! I mean, come on! We paid good money for a photo printer and you don't provide us with paper to test out your baby? Absolutely outrageous!

Those little problems aside, I went about setting up the printer. It was a very simple task; you don't even need that thick manual to aid you in the process, nor the quick start guide. Put printer there, plug in power cable, plug in USB/Printer cable, unwrap ink and put it into printer. I mean nobody should have trouble setting up a printer, especially if there's the easy to follow - in full colour - quick start guide there as well!

The next step was the put the CD into the computer's DVD/CD drive and then run the setup program so that it can install the printer onto your PC. When it asks you to switch on the printer, you switch it on and it will finish off the rest of the setup and present you with a fully working printer! You can do a Printer Page Test in the Properties option if you want to see if it's working if you like, but this is my baby she has never let me down so why should her sister machines be any different to you? (Unless you are one evil "I don't give a crap about my printer's wellbeing" person, then you deserve it ha!)

When printing, you have 5 quality options to choose from: Draft, Text Document, Text and Graphics, Photo and Best Photo. It doesn't take a genius to work out which one is the best quality option and which one is the crap quality option; she isn't hard to figure out. Her maximum print resolution is 5,760 dots per inch, and by golly is that a massively high number! I mean have a look around do you see any other printer (besides Epson) that can match or beat that? The speed is affected by quality as the higher the speed, the lower the quality. Even on Photo quality mode, it is still a rather fast printer giving me a full A4 print out in 1 minute 30 seconds. Not too shabby.

Quality is top notch even on Text Document mode. However the quality does depend on paper type, and I have tested most of them! Matte Heavyweight paper is a very good quality paper that produces some very stunning results. Premium Glossy paper also provides amazing results for photo print outs. However, feed her crappy 80gsm office paper and your print outs will look murky, dismal, Tony Blair. You have been warned. How does the printer do such great photo print outs? It's because it has 6 colours rather than the standard 4, therefore it can do much more colour combinations than ever. Plus this also reduces streaks and banding, giving you sharp and solid pictures.

Noise? She does not make a lot of noise! Well... maybe she seems rather loud in the morning when you first switch her on and she moans at you for doing so. But hey, you'll get used to it and it's nothing but a murmur during the day! Honestly though, it isn't very loud but it can seem to be if it is in a silent room.

Ah, she also boasts borderless printing capabilities, so that you can print edge-to-edge, something Epson has been proud to announce that their printers are the best at doing. And they are right. My baby girl can do that easily so that paper waste is kept to a minimum.

On the left hand side at the back of the printer is a lever. This lever is used to adjust the space between the print head and the paper itself. The top setting is for A4 paper and it's many thicknesses. Thick card at 300gsm? Pah! My printer can take that easily! The second lever setting downwards is the paper roller setting. The third lever setting is the envelope setting so that you can feed envelopes into the printer and print on it no problems! The final and highest print head setting is CD surface printing. Yes, my baby can print on CD surfaces provided that they have a printable surface or a CD label stuck on them. You use the CD tray that comes with the printer, place the CD into the CD groove on the tray and feed the tray at the back of the printer (you can't miss the slot). It can be a bit fiddly at times to get it in properly, but when it's in works flawlessly. Smart printer!

Buying ink for this printer isn't a problem either. Although the official Epson ink for her is rather expensive at £20 for a cartridge, you can use alternatives that cost a lot less but still give you the same amazing quality. Go to www.prink.com and you can buy a 2 x black cartridge and 2 x colour cartridge set for £10.99. Cheap or what? Plus the ink lasts rather long for an Epson printer. Epson's printers are notoriously known for drinking away ink like cider, but this printer can give you over 100 print outs at Photo quality mode per set of new cartridges. If you choose Text and Graphics mode, you would get even more print outs from your printer and the quality doesn't go down that much either. What's that? Ink smearing? Not with this printer! The printer uses super fast drying ink that is partially water resistant, so the odd water speckles and drops do not make the ink run. On the right paper, the print out quality can last up to 20 years.

Is there anything else wrong with this printer? Well, if you don't print with the printer for about 2 months you will have to do a printer head clean on it about twice to get it fully unclogged, or else your print outs will look appalling. Printer head cleans uses up ink, therefore doing a lot of them will cost you ink that you could of used for printing out a fantastic picture. Other than that, this printer rocks!

I've never gotten a paper jam with this printer. She gives fantastic quality print outs at decent speeds and looks the bomb! If you need an A4 printer, then you shouldn't be looking anywhere else to be honest. Although not being sold anymore, you can still pick one up on EBAY if you are lucky or in newspapers for around £50, a bargain price for the quality and build of this product. She'll never leave my desk that's for sure; grab yourself a piece of Epson's legend. Was she worth the backache and the hassle to carry her all the way home from Oxford Street? Oh yes matey... 

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