This essay is about my Brother. It is how he was taken from my life and how I have coped with living without him. It's quite short as it is hard to go into detail x
I'll start from the beginning.
2007...the year that changed my life forvever. It was June 2007. I was at school. It was extended learning day which is where we get to choose our own subject to study for the day. I chose to do drama for the day as it sounded like a fun day. We were going to be performing a short play of Billy Elliot. I was in the dance studio learning a routine when I was told to go to reception. At first I was scared that I was in trouble because, that lunch time I had an argument with a friend and really laid into her. So I grabbed my belongings and headed to reception. I arrived and they didn't know what was going on so they sent me to student services - this is basically reception but for the students. I arrived at student services and said "Hi I'm Hannah I was told to come here." The lady at the desk just looked at me red eyed and said "in there". At this point my heart was thumping because I thought I was going to be in big trouble. I walked into the room beside the desk and looked straight in front of me at the teacher. I said Hi and she looked to the corner of the room at my Mum. I looked at her and she was as white as a sheep and looked like she had been crying. The teacher left the room, shut the door. Silence. "Mum whats going on?" She started to cry. "Mum whats wrong, where's Dad? Is he okay?" "Yes he's fine , he's in the car with Ricky" (Ricky is my other older brother). "Whats wrong is it Pops, Nan?" "No". At this point I was really scared...something was seriously wrong. "Hannah.....Matt was killed this morning on his motorbike on the way to work...I'm so sorry".....My whole world came crashing down. At first I couldn't understand. Death? No. This is not happening. Not now. Not here. Not Matt my big brother. We collapsed into eachothers arms crying. Dad walked in and he basically had to carry me out. I couldn't move my legs.
We got into the car and drove to my Nan's house who lived just around the corner. My whole family was there. Everyone was crying, shaking and just generally in shock. I was the only one who wasn't crying . When I think back I think it was because I was only 12 so couldn't understand or accept what had gone on.
My Brother was 21 years old when he died. A week before he died, it was his 1 year anniversary of being married to his beautiful wife Claire. And a day before he died, he had passed a college course that he had been taking with a Distinction. 21 years old...he was happy, he had everything that he had ever wanted. Him and his wife were about to start a family.
A week later was the funeral. Everyone was wearing black except me. I didn't want to wear black. I wore white trousers and a flowery yellow top. We walked into the room where everyone was sitting and the ceremony began. I won't go into detail about the funeral as It is a big blur. All I can remember is walking out of the room following the coffin to the car and walking out to the song "I'll Be There" by the Jackson 5. It was one of Matt's favorite songs. I still can't listen to that song without crying my eyes out.
Following the death of my Brother I have had to battle panic attacks and anxiety. People say it was like an after shock of what happened as I was so young and didn't understand. I hate the fact that as I get older it doesn't get easier. It just gets harder everyday. I hate that my memories of him are fading because I was so young. I hate that his pictures are beginning to look more of a stranger to me. It hurts.
I will always miss him. I will always miss my big brother. I used to call him Matt-Matt when I was younger because I couldn't say Matthew...
I love you Matt-Matt. Will miss you forever xxx