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Member since:04.01.2012



I am the perfect organism


Apparently, I'm perfect .

None .

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18 Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful See ratings
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I gather there is a tradition in spilling one's own guts to a bunch of complete strangers so here I am in honouring that tradition.

Q1: Name? Weyland Yutani the 26th.

Q2: D.O.B? 26th April 4017.

Q3: Eye Colour? Red

Q4: Hair Colour? none

Q5: Height? 7ft 2ish

Q6: What is the first thing you do in the morning? Brush my outer teeth first then the inner set then grease up real good.

Q7: What is your favorite TV show? Anything with aliens in it.

Q8: Do you have any pets? 1 cat named Jones.

Q9: Favourite food? People. Anything really. Squirrels are nice.

Q10: What time do you get up every morning? I never sleep. I am constantly aware.

Q11: Single or taken? We have no concept of single or taken.

Q12: What is your favorite quote? Can I have two? "In Space No-one Can Hear You Scream" and "Stay away from her you bitch".

Q13: Do you have any siblings? Loads. Momma pops out the eggs at a rate of one an hour.

Q14: Best feature? I am the perfect organism. I can adapt to any situation / planet.

Q15: Worst thing you feel about yourself? Self-loathing, selfish, vacuous, a twisted kind of melancholy verging on depression.

Q16: Have you ever been in hospital? On one humourous occasion, we invaded the medi-lab facility on level 3. Does that count?

Q17: Have you ever broken a bone or had stitches? Yes. My blood nearly burnt through the god-damn hull.

Q18: If you could change 1 thing about your appearance, what would it be? Hmm, I am perfect after all but if pushed, I would say, less 'aggressive' features.

Q19: What is your biggest fear? Flame throwers.

Q20: Have you ever been in love? There was a woman once, tall, curly hair, tough as old boots though. She pushed me out of an air-lock, the bitch.

Q21: What are your hobbies? Reading, poetry and stalking humans down dark and steaming corridors.

Q22: Favorite Season? In space, there are no seasons. Although, Autumn is rather nice.

Q23: Do you drive? I once drove an anti-gravity troop-transporter and ended up crash-landing it killing everyone inside! How we laughed.

Q24: Can you cook? Hmm, not much of a cook I'm afraid. I'm more from the 'raw-meat is good' school so there's not much opportunity for masticatory experimentation.

Q25: If you were a Super Hero what would your name be? Super Acid Blood With Teeth Man!

Q26: What is your porn star name (take the name of your first pet and your mother's maiden name and put them together)? Jones Queen. Hey! That works.

Q27: Tea or coffee? Can I have both?

Q28: Can you play an instrument? No, my mandible claws struggle to turn the music over.

Q29: What did you want to be as a kid? Alive.

Q30: What size feet are you? 43.

Q31: Blondes/ Brunettes or Red heads? I'm not bothered, they all taste good.

Q32: What do you find sexy? A long tail, several rows of teeth and a good covering of slime on the skin. Phwoar!

Q33: If you could have a super power/ ability, what would it be? Love.

Q34: Do you believe in Angels/Ghosts/Demons? Yes, monsters do exist.

Q35: Which celebrity do you like the most? Sigourney Weaver. There's just something about her ...

Q36: Saddest moment in your life so far? Losing the hive queen to a big yellow robotic cargo handler.

Q37: Favourite band? Teardop Explodes.

Q38: Favorite song of all time? Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep. That song is so jolly.

Q39: Who's your hero? The Hive Queen, every time.

Q40: Ever cheated on someone(be honest)? I ate someone else's human once.

Q41: Do you want to get married? Not really, it's not a notion that can practically work in the environment I live in.

Q42: Do you want kids? Apparently, I've got loads. Never seen 'em though. Does that make me bad?

Q43: Love or money? Love.

Q44: Sex? I'm androgynous.

Q45: Are you a morning or night person? Definitely night. More shadows to hide in.

Q46: Are you a collector of anything? Bones and bad memories.

Q47: What do you usually think about right before falling asleep? I never sleep.

Q48: What's the first thing you notice in the opposite sex? The bits of flesh between their teeth and the constant hissing.

Q49: Name 1 thing not many people know about you? I can kick Predator's butt.

Q50: Ever been addicted to a video/computer game? Yes, Aliens by The Bitmap Brothers. That game is soooo funny.

Q51: Can you remember your last dream? I don't dream, I cause nightmares.

Q52: Vampires or werewolves? I can kick either butt equally.

Q53: Three favourite movies? Anything by Ridley Scott (that dude rocks), The Thing and Kevin and Perry Go Large (in Ibiza)

Q54: If you could eat anything right now what would it be? Ooh, a tough one. Brett was rather nice if a bit sweaty. Dallas was tough and stringy so I'd have to go with Lambert. Her fear added so much seasoning, it was like a fajita.

Q55: What do you get complimented about the most? My good looks and being a perfect organism. It's true! I am.

Q56: What is your main goal in life? The complete and utter assimiliation of any and all life in the Universe.

Q57: Mashed potatoes or Roast potatoes? Equally go well with human.

Q58: Describe your love life? Non-existent.

Q59: Favourite football team? There was a good team on one of the outer colonies but we ate them so right now, none.

Q60: What is the most embarrassing CD you own? Touch My Body by Sam Fox. I get ribbed about that down in the nest I can tell you!

Q61: What are your favourite colors? Green, like my skin.

Q62: Pepsi or Sprite? I can't tell the difference.

Q63: How many video games do you own? None.

Q64: Favourite breakfast meal? Human rashers followed by a nice cup of tea and a ciggy.

Q65: Got any Nicknames? How embarrassing! Ok, ok, they call me 'jhfaskjdfhlajksdfhl' down in the nest. They're a set of teasers I can tell you!

Q66: Are you happy with your life right now? Sure, apart from the odd team of crack marines with flamethrowers (they never win) to contend with, everythings peachy right now. We've dominated and assimiliated a new planet and we're moving onto another real soon. Watch this space!

Q67: How long does it take for you to do your hair? 3 seconds, roughly. I'm pretty smooth all over to be honest. Helps me when I'm sneaking around in air ducts.

Q68: Does anyone like you? Hmm, people seem to be real scared of me on first impressions, but it's not long before they're screaming in enjoyment from my company. Bless.

Q69: Are you closer to your mother or father? Mother, definitely. Father is some sort of sentient being. I never quite understood it so I'll have to consult the hive mind when I get time.

Q70: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? I've *eaten* one, does that count?

Q71: Do you have a birth mark? No, but I've got a pretty bad flamethrower scar.

Q72: Who was the last person that said they loved you? No-one! (awww, sniff)

Q73: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Neither would dare.

Q74: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Yes, frequently! Ha ha!

Q75: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? By treasure do you mean eggs of my brethren? Then, in an ancient, abandoned space ship that no-one will EVER find.

Q76: Favorite type of fruit pie? Human pie.

Q77: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? A space man. I have fulfilled that ambition. Next!

Q78: Showers or baths? I don't mind, my gel coating protects me from all elements.

Q79: Can you swim well? Fantastically well. The Man from Atlantis has nothing on me.

Q80: What song is your personal anthem right now? Is This The Way To Amarillo.

Q81: Ever played spin the bottle? No.

Q82: Facebook/Twitter/something else? Alienbook.

Q83: Do you believe in miracles? No. There are no miracles, only teeth.

Q84: Favourite website? Wikipedia.

Q85: Whats your usual clothing style? Casual, naked.

Q86: Whats your usual hair style? Bald, completely and utterly shaved to within an inch of my life. The back, sack and crack is always interesting.

Q87: How did you and your best friend meet? In an eggsoleum.

Q88: Do you collect anything? Duh, bones, see above.

Q89: Do you believe in karma? No, only the hive mind.

Q90: Your opinion on the death penalty? Hmm, interesting. We debate this a lot during epystomology classes and we're open to the possibility if only to provide dessert.

Q91: Three things you like most about yourself? I am gregarious, friendly and eager to try new things.

Q92: What are you most ashamed of? Scaring the cat. That was unforgiveable.

Q93: Do you smoke? Yes but only when I've been set on fire by an errant flamethrower.

Q94: What will you find under my bed? Me, waiting.

Q95: Who is your favorite movie actor? John Hurt.

Q96: Who is your favorite movie actress? Sigourney Weaver.

Q97: What is the worst sport you know of? Darts. Those things look painful man.

Q98: Have you ever taken drugs? I've had drugs injected into me as part of an experiment but never anything willingly.

Q99: What do you plan on doing today? Sneaking round some corridors, hunting humans then back to the nest to watch Grand Designs on Channel 4.

Q100: Anything to add? We're coming to a planet near you!

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Comments about this review »

Summers_mummy 15.01.2012 22:56

Great read.

anonymili 14.01.2012 15:50

Thanks for the chuckle jhfaskjdfhlajksdfhl. Did I pronounce that correctly? *grin*

torr 14.01.2012 10:44

Greetings and sympathy to Jones.

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Review Ratings »

This review of Everything About me has been rated:

"very helpful" by (94%):

  1. mumsymary
  2. Mistee-Dreamz
  3. jjcross

and 14 other members

"helpful" by (6%):

  1. leetscram

The overall rating of a review is different from a simple average of all individual ratings.