35 year old, living in Manchester
'Don't be naive, don't deny what you see'
35 year old, living in Manchester
'Don't be naive, don't deny what you see'
Member since:11.08.2000
Reviews:51
Members who trust:10
I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like I've lived longer than my twenty-nine years on this jolly little ball of mud hurtling through space and time, so, with that in mind, why would I be bothered about turning thirty?
It's not that I'm actually bothered, I'm more trepidacious about it...
When I was a child, I was always the youngest in my class at school, being born mid December, and I was always jealous that every one of my peers was older than I. How I yearned to be older, I looked up to people in classes above me, and fervently wished that one day, I too would be twelve.
As a child, the years seemed to pass very slowly and each month seemed a lifetime. The two months school holiday I enjoyed in Australia each summer seemed interminable, and were lifetimes in themselves, and I spent them wishing my life away in my race to be an adult...
How naive can a lad get? All of a sudden I was eighteen, I was full of bravado and experience, I was an adult now and I knew it all. I'd survived the rat race and was now a fully fledged member of the human race, with valid opinions.
Then, I blinked, and I was twenty-one all of a sudden...I looked back at my eighteen year old, sepia toned self and thought '...what a fool I was to believe I knew everything, I'm twenty-one today and I actually *do* know everything now!'
Well, I must learn to stop blinking, because I did it it again and again, and with each brief closure of my eyes, another year passed, until I found myself opening them on myself as a twenty-nine year old man(!)
It's strange, but in my head, I don't actually *feel* any older than around twenty, but when I take stock of myself, I realise that I actually *have* gained experience in life matters, the only difference is, the older I have become, the more I realise the less I know about things....bizarre...in other words, I'm not as naive as to believe I know everything there is to know these days, and I'm actually beginning to enjoy the journey that started way back in 1972 in a grotty little suburb of Gateshead in the North of England.
Now, about coming up to thirty years of age...
I'll admit to being a little scared, after all, I won't be able to say I'm in my twenties anymore, and the realisation has dawned that I'm now approaching the mid point of my life, which is a little daunting for someone who, not that many years ago believed he was invincible, and would live forever.
My father (in his inimitable style) once told me that he realised he was getting older when he started going to more funerals than weddings, and I guess this is just one barometer of change.
The impermanency of human life was brought home to me rather suddenly at the age of twenty-three, when my mother died....now I believed it was part of her job to be around forever, to coddle me, advise me, clean up my scraped knees (both physical and metaphorical) for eternity, and now the scales have fallen from my eyes.
I may sound morbid and maudlin before my time (after all, I *am* only twenty-nine remember?) but dying isn't a thought that scares me anymore, it's the getting there that's doing that :)
At this point in my life, I can't imagine that I could be any happier, I have a job that I *adore*, a partner that I dote on, and a circle of friends that although not large, provide me with all the emotional comfort and support I could possibly ask for...we may not have much money, but that's something else the advancement of years has taught me, that money actually *isn't* everything, and that happiness *is* the two don't necessarily go hand in hand, as I once believed.
So although turning thirty presents a challenge to me, as I know I'm going to go through some changes (at least it aint puberty), I reckon I'm more than equal to the challenge, and as nervous as I am about it, I'm quite looking forward to it too :))
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I'm 29, 30 in November. I can really relate to your op. I thought I knew it all in my teens / early 20's but now I know I don't know it all but I am that bit closer as I approach 30 due to the experiences I have been through both good and bad. It's mainly the bad, hurtful experiences that have taught me the most. I know it's a cliche' but I wish I knew then (ie aged 18) what I know now. I am looking forward to being 30 as apparently it's the sexual peek for women, I just hope I find a man by then!!!!! K xxxxxxxxx
Buenosdias 02.02.2004 21:47
My mother cried when she was thirty but did not mind getting to 40, does this mean that she will be totally mellow when she is 50 ? lol
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