Everything that starts with G ...

One year on, I still think about you, but your gone.

I was young back then and I feared you! I know I shouldn't have done. You never spoke to me growing up and I wondered why, you would tell me and my brother off for being naughty but never praise for being good.

Every Sunday you were there since 1991 when Nanny died....All and I fell apart that day but you looked so strong, you looked like you didn't care.

My fondest memory of you would be you knowing how to fix and do almost everything. When a toy, ornament, the car, furniture etc, you always knew how to fix it and you always had the tool for the job. But hey Grandad, we will never forget the day you bought your first PAYG mobile phone. You had your phone and your top up card and you were set to top up. You scratched your silver strip to bear your number and you dialed the top up line. The electronic lady (you always called your friend) asked you to enter your 16 digit top up number and you did but you spoke it to her...Yes!! my grandad made a mistake I waited 18 years for that mistake and I had never laughed so hard in all my life and I saw it! emotion in your face, you were so embarrest. Ever since that day you always brought your top up card to our house and asked me to do it for you, and I liked that.

I became an adult "yay!" And towards my 20's I started to understand you, I started to like you, I started to love you.

You were in the Army for many years, that made you strict and I believe it stripped you from showing any emotions. I was becoming an adult and for you to be around to see me grow to 22 was mint!

You mellowed soo much, I liked you more and more each week the younger kids were really starting to warm to you too and when you couldn't come on a sunday because of a church "do" I missed you at lunch.
You would also be here evry Christmas, walking 5 miles each way to come as there was no public transport and you always stole all the gifts out the crackers when no one was watching. you wasnt here last year and I didn't pull a single cracker and I still have your pressie wrapped up in the wardrobe the first year I bought early and the first year I bought for you. It will never be touched I promise.

I last saw you on Fathers day 2005, my stepfather had abused my mum and had walked out, mum who is disabled and left with no money was upset and really down and the situation had made us forget about fathers day, we never even had a card to brace your hand and it upsets me greatly Im sorry. This same day was the day I began to cherish you! you, the selfish man you had been for many years previously opened your wallet on fathers day and emptied the contents into mums hand and told her you would give her some more next week. Again your emotions were showing you showed love and compasion for your daughter and it was the first time I saw you do it and I love you for that.

The following Sunday you never showed and never called,,,,,strange you allways called. We called you several time that day and got no answer we assumed you were at a church function.
I didn't sleep that night, I knew something was wrong.

After not answering your phone monday morning I asked mum to come with me to your house with a key.
We knocked, dog barked, We shouted through the letterbox, dog barked.

We entered with the key.

You shocked me grandad..... I could smell you were not OK. I searched the house and you were in the last room I looked. I was hoping you were sleeping in beed grandad peacefully in your bed, you wasnt was you?.

You were in the bathroom, you had taked a fall and damaged your head. Mum was in pieces.

I called 999 who made me go through several instructions. I wasn't stupid It was obvious but they made me do it before they came out.

You were gone.......I was gutted but stayed strong for mum. Paramedics said you had been there for a week, you left us on that day, Fathers day when you had been an angel to us. We then found out you had been suffering with emphesema and had not ever moaned to us once.

I wont speak of this day further as I have been explicit enough and you, my Grandad had such pride.

From that day, your funeral and wake till today I have not cried though i wanted to, I didn't want to crack my "man pride" infront of people.

Im sorry Grandad, I wish I could turn the clock back. I wish I had just one more day with you. And Im sorry for never telling you that I love you.

I havent done this for ratings this is my tribute to you. I never could speak emotionally to people close.

Thank you to any ciao member if you have managed to read through my post its long and boring but I felt I needed to let it out somewhere this seemed the easiest place sorry!

RIP Grandad