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L is for Crap!

13.08.2010 (14.08.2010)

Lanyards !  !  !

Er .  .  . none really, except being in a place to get them !

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According to Wikipedia, “a lanyard is a rope or cord often worn around the neck or wrist to carry something. Usually it is used where there is a risk of losing the object or to ensure it is visible at all times.”

I was debating whether to put this ‘review’ under L is for Lanyard or C is for Ciao Crap….so I've gone for a combination of the both!

“These lanyards really weigh you down….but Ciao picks me up” – marymoose99

When I read Hishyeness’ review (a huge thanks to Raffi for organising the meet) about a proposed Ciao meet-up in London I thought it was unlikely I’d be able to attend unless I happened to be down in the south that weekend, and while I put the date in my diary, I later removed it thinking I couldn’t justify the traveling or the expense from Cumbria.

However, a couple of weeks ago RICHADA sent me a message about it, and then it was back in my head, and a conversation with another friend made me think that life is too short (especially when I consider how close I’ve come to ending it all this year - see Maytree review), but still I was undecided. When I returned from work the Thursday before the meet-up I had a letter waiting for me from my solicitor telling me I needed to take the divorce papers to court to sign and file for divorce. Knowing that the Friday wasn’t going to be the best day of my life I had two courses of action. Plan A was to sit at home and drink myself into oblivion. Plan B was to come down to Essex and stay with the parents, have a good chat with my best friend, and to come to London to the Ciao meet up, and get drunk in good company with people who feel like old friends, and who now can actually be considered ‘real-life friends’!

I chose Plan B, and while I’ve made some somewhat dubious choices in the past (husband number 1 springs to mind), this time my choice was definitely the right one. And better still, now I am the proud owner of not one, but two Ciao lanyards – I’m sorry to those who came away empty-handed, I would post you my spare lanyard, but it weighs too much…

And following the printer cartridge review I find myself once again writing a review to order so-to-speak. I hope I don’t disappoint!

““You forget you’re wearing it when it blends in with your T-shirt” – Soho_Black”

Do you? Do you really? I don’t think so. This lanyard weighs in at a hefty 78g (yes, for the purpose of this review I have weighed it – must get in all the details in order to get my Exceptional ratings – please don’t feel obliged). To put this into perspective it compares to my work lanyard complete with name tag and plip (that’s what we call it, no relation whatsoever to plipplopfromdooyoo) which weighs in at just 26g. How can you possibly forget you’re wearing it? Perhaps Soho is right about it blending in with his T-shirt, but this defeats the point if a lanyard is supposed to remain visible at all times.

““It’s great for hanging on your keys or anything you don’t want to lose” – duskmaiden"”

Is it? Is it really? This would certainly fit in with Wikipedia’s definition of a lanyard. But I’m not sure this would work, especially with lighter items – since the lanyard is so heavy, you probably wouldn’t notice if you lost whatever was attached to it, unless it was a small child or dog,,,

“You could hang yourself with it” – one of my friends…

I don’t think she was trying to put ideas into my head, but still…there would be some sort of irony in ‘death by Ciao lanyard’ – I can see it now, accompanied by a note “I could no longer go on having received a Somewhat Helpful rating for my “L is for Crap" review, they kept telling me that L is actually for Lanyard” (I’m not hinting here, honest) AND I didn’t win the topic of the month competition…it became too much for me to bear…”

In fact I was having counseling today and I brought the lanyard out (after all it has become a HUGE part of my life, just like the printer cartridges did, so it seems only right that my counselor should be involved), and her response was that it probably wouldn’t hold my weight should I decide to hang myself with it. I’m not sure if I should take this offensively as some sort of dig on my weight (low fat yoghurt reviews here I come!) or whether I should just accept the fact that the Ciao lanyard has very few practical uses.

“Like most lanyards it doesn’t hang well” – my train friend

My train friend has a point. Lanyards are fine when they’re not round your neck…but once they are, they get twisted, and the Ciao logo ends up getting lost. I guess you’d probably need to test it out with your very own Ciao lanyard to see what I mean.

“Oh God, this lanyard makes me hot” – rosebud

I suppose the additional weight might make one hot. But as for being something which attracts the opposite sex…well, following the Ciao meet up and 7 or 8 pints of cider later…and wearing the lanyards as if they were braces holding up my T-shirt…well I don’t think I looked hot, more like some sort of Special Needs Case (my God, I struggled finding the train home…), I need to get a life!

“It goes nicely with my nose” – sghawken

Well, one can’t argue with that, and you have a lovely nose Spencer…

Other possible uses
  • To attach your child/dog to it so that you don't lose them
  • As braces - see pic of RICHADA!
  • As some sort of bondage device
  • To strangle husband number 1
  • To capture husband number 2
  • It makes me feel special and warm and fuzzy inside, and like a member of a club
  • It means that everyone can see I'm a raving fruitloop without me even having to open my mouth!


So, having fulfilled the first of my challenges (to write the lanyard review) I’m left with only one more, to arrange a Ciao meet-up in Carlisle in 2011. Sometimes real-life does have a habit of taking over (so I can’t guarantee anything – it might be that I’m not able to arrange a meet-up) BUT I really hope I can rise to the challenge and perhaps attract some more of the Scottish bunch down (rosebud2001, it was fantastic to meet you, and I hope we can catch up more in the future!) and those from places more northern than Watford Gap….roll on 2011….maybe coincide it with a nice weekend away in the Lakes (lots of review writing opportunities)?!

And Ciao, please take this time now to consider what ‘freebies’ would be appropriate, industrial weight lanyards, pens, and industrial sized note pads…….well, they’re nice, but not really what we’re after…

AND a final word to Ciao, if you want to send one of your peeps along to the next meet-up, then we won’t bite – honest!!!

Pictures of Everything that starts with L ...
Everything that starts with L ... Me with my lanyards
Me with my lanyards
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Comments about this review »

danielleg1989 01.09.2012 23:40

E review

mattygroves 19.10.2010 13:28

Sorry it's taken me so long to read this - I've just been sooo busy. I have two of these bad boys, and cannot imagine ever using even one...

rosebud2001 18.09.2010 07:18

The only real use I could put mine to was to keep it as a reminder of a wonderful afternoon and sigh wistfully over the fact I couldn't stay for longer :-)

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This review of Everything that starts with L ... has been rated:

"exceptional" by (20%):

  1. danielleg1989
  2. ciaomiaow
  3. Fuzzy98

and 23 other members

"very helpful" by (79%):

  1. Graygirl
  2. afy9mab
  3. LadyValkyrie

and 97 other members

"helpful" by (1%):

  1. wigglylittleworm

The overall rating of a review is different from a simple average of all individual ratings.