Mother......Who will love me
 Mar 20th, 2002
(Mar 21st, 2002)
Advantages:
They bring you close together
Disadvantages:
none
Recommendable:
Yes
  Elainebaba
About me:
Friends! I am still here! I am more busier than ever. My hubby is in a nursing home. See I came here...
Member since:01.07.2001
Reviews:54
Members who trust:590
Review rated by 155 Ciao members on average: very helpful 
This review received a counterstatement by a party concerned
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Who will love me?
When it was discovered that hubby and I could not have children, our whole world crumbled! I felt just like the cookie crumbling! The prospect of not having children. No! No! No! those thoughts lingered for days and then into months. For my hubby it was davastating, I could not produce offsprings for him. For both of our parents were disappointing, but they were understanding and supportive.We are both believed in God, and prayed four strength to over come the disappointment, and then one day on my day off from work, whilst hubby was at work, I went into one of Dr Barnado’s Children Home and approached them. I was upset and hurt that we could not get a child from there. . At that time, it was difficult for a mixed race couple to adopt a child. The nicest thing about Dr Barnado is that they put me in touch with Independent Adoption Society (I.A.S.) who deals with race, religious background, and ethnic backgrounds and so on.I did not tell my hubby about my intentions, that is until we received a letter from I.A.S. (INDEPENDENT ADOPTION SOCIETY)
As you have read in, my previous opinion, the role I.A.S. played in our adopting four children. Rearing them was not easy. Our first son, whom we had just before he was one year old had serious health problems, he had two blood conditions, asthma and eczema. We learnt that three other couples were offered him, but they turned him down. He was always ill, but we were happy to have him, because we grew to love him. I always remember, three months after having him, we received a phone call from our social worker, our hearts became very sad, we thought his natural mother wanted him back. We learnt later, that he was living on borrowed time, and they felt, that it was not fair on us to keep him due to his short term of life. We told her that we wanted him and would like to adopt him, his natural mother approved of the adoption. Our second daughter came when she was one year old, boy! She was very difficult, she had serious emotional trauma, in the end, she was admitted to the hospital, and I had a bed next to her. Each time I saw her; I grew to love her and prayed to help me to understand her needs. She had this ‘unsure look’ about her, I felt she felt very uncomfortable of my presence. One could understand that being in four different foster homes in under a year! No wonder she felt unsure about me.Because there was no eye contact, I tried the finger contact and when she was asleep, I would hold her finger, she quickly pushed me aside. It hurted so much, this feeling of rejection, I had to really put aside my feelings aside.
I was determined to keep on trying, and then a wonderful miracle happened. The fourth day, I again held her finger and this time she held it and squeeze it, I knew then that I won her over. Our third child and fourth child at the request of the two older ones, came within few months of each other, they just turned one year old. As usual, the common problems all parent faced in rearing children we encountered, but there were additional problems, they getting to know us, we getting to know them, personality problems, emotional, physical and blending them to our mould of family life. Not of them looked like us, the feelings of whether we would ever fulfil their needs, the worrying of whether their natural parents changed their minds, were all part of anxiety I personally felt. The very important knowledge I could not hide the fact that I have always emphasised to our children, they should always have deep respect for their Mothers for giving them life. That is why we kept their birth names. Today they are 28, 25 and both are nearing 17 years, and you would not believe this, they do look like us! In a way, of they copying our mannerism. Looking back, they were hard work and yet it had rewards. The ability to be a mother was frustrating,
Having a ready-made family was never simple. There were many times when things did not go well, that I felt regrets of adopting them. I too had to learn what emotional, spiritual, physical really mean in rearing them. Although at that time, I could not fully appreciate mother hood in the sense that here were four different children of four different backgrounds of four different parentages of four different cultures. They have come from broken homes, (I mean that with respect) and I nearly made the mistake of breaking them again by my selfishness, wanting the easier way out. Thankfully, Hubby and I exercised communications skills and with the support of families, I.A.S. and real friends helped us through those difficult years. And we all grew together to learn and share from each other
Our children needed the warmth, security and affection that all children should have.
They gave hubby and me the will to be parent, and although I could never ever feel what it is like to be pregnant, they taught me that having them, the joy and rewards of being a mother is far more fulfilling and continues to this day. Whilst the world has celebrated Mother’s day. I have the privilege to have one of the proudest moments when they told me that they love Dad and me, that we gave them our hearts full of loves and memories, and as we both going on in years, we looked after them, now it is their turn to look after us. I know who will love me.
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by (1%):
19.07.2003 11:33
I'm so glad I found this - it's beautiful!
06.01.2003 14:45
Superb read, and very eye-opening. Dan
06.01.2003 00:28
Oh Avril,this is by far the best op I have ever read. I felt you were special before I read this...now I know why I felt that way. May you have loads of joy and blessings in your life.And the strength to endure and be happy in the difficult times.Your children are a credit to you,and you to them. chrissie xx