Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them!
Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them!
Member since:09.12.2004
Reviews:32
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I think that Murphy's Law or Sod's Law is with everyone, it's just that not all people realize the bugger is there. The easiest way to think of him is in the form of bad luck, but a very much focused form of bad luck that has many rules that in time can be learned & used against the b*stard to get you back on track again.
I wanted to put this in (everything that starts with 'S' for Sod) but as I'd already written in the cafe on 'S' found that I couldn't write another? ....never have sussed out this problem, (if anyone out there can tell me why this is, that'd be great ) but no worries, Murphy & Mr. Sod are one and the same to me, and will do to get me back in the cafe once more, with another rant…… swearing also included, as to give the correct angle on the subject.
As Sod doesn't really exist (except for me) this review could also be viewed as being written by some sort of nutcase (or to be P.C a person who is cared for in the community)…..once a nutter…. Always a nutter, no matter what badge he wears! Just ask a nice man called Mr.Charles Clark, once a friend of a nice man called Mr.Blair, mate of 2 Jag's, sorry 2 shags Mr. Prescott, they can tell you all about letting nutters out into the community. British nutters and worse, the tide of new immigrant psychos flooding over here too, well, you let um...Dumb heads.
And for all the Do-gooders out there…… SHUT UP!! It's your fault we are in so much shit now in any case, with your "mustn't upset anyone" attitude, even if they are a raging homicidal sex murdering, psychopathic lunatic & valued member of society....go on, give um life inside.......3 years.
My History of Sod. ********************
As a young kiddie, the problems I suffered then were often put down to such things as growing up, being a teenager, having no dosh or having a lot of bad luck.
In reality this time in my life was lived without the knowledge or existence of Sod. The pain and suffering of that time is now all water under the bridge & can be looked back upon as a totally different life, nothing was really that bad, barring women problems of course! (Just checking that you've read the whole thing)
Importantly some of the bad things and life changing events from those early days cannot be binned as they were part of what makes me who I am today, (a nutter?) and will affect us all, but most of those things just aren't that important anymore. Time passed so slowly then, but now there's never enough time. If only I knew then what I know now, experience was lacking but, can now be used to ultimately defeat Sod and that brings me to my 1st way of Sod.
Sod controls time. *********************
All of you will know very well, the hatred of the alarm clock going off first thing in the morning, if you love your job then please ignore that statement. You've stayed up too late in the week, enjoying your self, you know you should have gone to bed 3 hours earlier, aahh who cares, your pleasure was worth it, but, it has just sparked off your next day controlled by Sod. Your head hits the pillow, a lush wonderful sleep follows, you love it, tis the best sleep you've ever had……… BEEP BEEP BEEP the alarm clock goes off 5 mins later, you look at the clock and realize that it is morning already, 5 hours have passed in the blink of an eye and you can't believe it, it makes no sense at all and you are already 10 mins passed your usual getting up time (and prolly still pissed) Sod will now control every move you make, he will take your brain away, make every effort to slow you down and make the simplest of tasks feel like you are treading through thick mud… (Sod is at his best here)
Now you've got to find you car keys, you knew you left them in the usual place, but of course Sod has moved them, ten minutes later they can be found down the back of the sofa. Out of the house yet? Didn't you know that now all the JCB's, grass cutting machines (20mph for both) milk floats (15mph), scared shitless new drivers who cannot go beyond 25mph are sent out by Sod at these special times in the day, when you reach work they all vanish back into thin air again.
It won't do you any good overtaking said obstacle in your way, as Sod will put another there to replace it to keep you on your late track in time, also the in car clock will tick away those precious minutes much faster than normal as you are now on Sod time. Upon arrival at work, after said bollocking, the time will revert back to normal time, and will drag by once more. Tea breaks & lunch time = Sod time respectively.
The only way you could have defeated him here would be to have gotten up 5 mins before your due time, this would have resulted in a totally clear road and find you arriving 10 mins early for a change! (And no blocking from the boss) because Sod will be after your neighbour who has overslept!
If you had decided (for the crack) to turn round and drive home at this time you would find empty roads and a queue of slow moving vehicles heading towards you from the opposite side of the road (JCB's and all) Bringing up the rear would be your neighbour, face purple with rage and fighting the same loosing battle that you would have, cos he & Sod both know he's late and in for a bollocking! Great when someone else gets the shit for a change!
Here is the price to pay, & you must pay Sod for your pleasure, for every good thing that happens Sod needs to balance the scales and give you a hard time. Often the opposite is not always true, you're having a bad day, and surly things can't get any worse? ….. Oh yes they can, Sod loves this and saves him the job of doing it himself. This will give Sod time to work on his next task….. the 2nd way of Sod.
Sod controls your Money. ****************************
Money is a very fluid thing, well it is in my hands anyway as it always seems to slip through my fingers very easily. Because of the fluid nature of money, it is an ideal substance for Sod to mess with.
Generally for the well-offs, Sods rules are harder for him to put into practice as funds are tied up and looked after by Sod's brother….The bank. Banks exist for the purpose of bank charges, making excess demands on it's customers by not telling them in time that funds are low (one second past midnight will do), resulting in more bank charges, bouncing cheques stopping standing orders, & being as unhelpful as possible to increase the bank charges. Bank charges are great for the banks as they push you further into the red and result in more bank charges.
Banks are very nice to you when they find out you have lots of money and will offer you a cup of coffee and a chair. They will delay the bank charges for now as they will be able to make money from you in the form of interest; this is a different form of interest not offered to us by the bank and is of a much higher rate. Often the bank will phone you, because they are so nice and helpful by offering to sell you more of its products, like non competitive insurance, low interest savings accounts & high interest credit cards so increasing the banks profits & doing away with the need to apply bank charges.
As soon as you become skint again you will be passed back into the hands of Sod, who will be happy to relieve you of any bonus / windfall of cash that may have come your way. Here the scales are very finely balanced, every slight relief from debt by means of a bonus will be taken away again by Sod in the form of unexpected extra debt (the bank can help here by applying bank charges) but Sod is well practiced in this area, often he can give you a central heating, family or car related financial crisis to remove your windfall of cash. Things will be back to normal in no time at all and you'll soon find yourself scratching around for the next buck! Stress and worry are sure ways to attract the attentions of Sod. This will please Sod as he can put his feet up, relax, count your cash & know he's done a great job! Sod also likes to spend a lot of time outdoors…. This leads me to my 3rd and final (for now) way of Sod.
Sod controls the Weather. *****************************
From personal experience I'd like to share some of the highly amusing moments I've had with Sod and his antics in the great outdoors. Sod likes rain best as it is fluid, like cash. I have to work outside in all weathers as it is my job to do so. The day will be forecast dry, so no worries on that front. But, I can guarantee that a special black cloud (just for me) will follow my repair van round town until I get to the job, jack the car up, get my head under and start work. Sod will normally wait long enough till I reach the point of no return eg the car is now out of action for a couple of hours till I replace the part, yeah… you guessed it, It pisses down. I go back to the van and put on wet weather gear, which is hot and uncomfortable, 5 mins later the rain stops and I get hotter but stick with it as it's bound to rain again in a min' …it doesn't ….bugger it the gear comes off then it pisses down again…. This carry on continues till the job is finished. The sun will come out and stay out obviously because the F*CK*N job's finished now isn't it….Baserd !! I swear I can put money on this happening. Lol
I could go on and on….but we'd be here all day….cheers for the read, & the chance of letting off a bit of steam.
Don't stay up too late !
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Nice one, enjoyed this and for your information, Sod's law is also an example of innumeracy, where people ignorant of the laws of probability assume relations between things that in fact happen by chance. Bri
cabsookie 03.10.2006 16:21
Hey that was funny man! good opp and sooo true, caz xx