*******UPDATE*******

********I have decided to put my thoughts at the top of the old review, just to make it easier for me.

Today, I was having a bit of a spring clean in the nursery. I am almost at the stage now where my baby could come at any time, so thought it would be a good idea to make sure I had cleaned the chest of drawers where the baby clothes will go. Upon opening the bottom drawer however, I found something I didnt know was still there.

One of my Son's socks had gotten caught in the corner of the drawer. I dont know how long I sat there on the floor, just looking at the little tiny sock, thinking of how he would be today if he were still here. I think he would have been quiet, like his Dad, but a great reader like me. A thoughtful boy, being almost at his 11th birthday, I am sure he would have had good friends, and just a very few close ones.

As I looked at the sock, I felt a great sense of peace, and it is the first time since he died that I have ever felt like this. The pain of losing him is still there, and always will be, but I feel it has lessened a bit, to be replaced by a sense of calmness.

I know I am going to feel a roller coaster of emotions when my baby arrives, but I know this time it will be different, for he is watching us both, and I know he won't ever let anything bad happen, for he is a gentle soul, My Angel Nicholas.

I sometimes think I can hear him in my head, and he is saying Don't Worry Mum, I'm still here when you want to talk to me, Keep smiling.......

Well, time for me to go again my friends, I just wanted to share something very intimate and personal with you.

Thanks for reading, and remember, Keep Smiling....

Love Aussie xx ******

Hello Dear Friends.

This review is written from the heart, but not just my heart, from the heart of some friends of mine too.

Introducing to you, two very special babies, Nicholas Christopher Wheatley, and Chloe Jemima Povah. they are also known as Aussie's sleeping son, and Docpov's sleeping daughter.

My son Nicholas was born, and sadly, fell asleep four short weeks later. This was Ten Years ago next month, and this is my way of telling you how I coped afterwards.

When I wake each morning, there is a picture of Nicholas on the wall just behind me, and I blow him a kiss, this is our good morning kiss.

The picture is one of him at five days old, the day he came home from the hospital, and he has such a cute face, and an impish grin, that I cant resist touching his little face, and smiling at him.

So, we start with a smile and a kiss, a good way to start the day.

Everywhere I go, I feel his presence with me, and I know he is safe and looked after. I share little thoughts with him sometimes, when there is no-one else there, and it helps me through some days. Every place I visit, I bring back a little stone animal, and it takes its place on his grave. he has quite a collection of friends, 3 rabbits, 9 frogs, one otter, 2 teddy bears and 4 hedgehogs. They are his Guardian Angels, and I ask them to look after him when I am not there.

It is only this year so far, that I have managed to sit by his grave and not sob my heart out every time. I cry at times, but not all the time now. This does not mean, however, that I care any less, but it means that for me, the healing process is beginning. I feel I am able to cope with it better. I do have days where I am liable to sit and sob my socks off, especially when I am feeling a little low, but I am getting better at coping with that too.

I have to admit though, with his tenth birthday approaching on May 19th, I have a heavy heart already. I know it will knock the socks off me, and I will try and cope with it the best I can.

I feel like, has it really been Ten Years that my Baby Boy was born? Sometimes it feels like a whole other lifetime ago, and then, there are times when the pain and grief is so raw, it feels like it has just happened.

Big events in the year always trigger me into a hive of activity, and a basket of flowers is produced. I make them myself.
Christmas, Easter, Birthday, Sleep Anniversary (thats what I call it, another way of coping.), Mothers Day, Fathers Day, You name it, I make a basket for it.

This Year, his basket of flowers will be huge. I wanted to do something extra special for him. I always put two red roses in his basket, as he was buried with two red roses in his coffin. However, this time, there will be a rose for every member of the family, and that will be some red roses, 43 to be exact......(I know, it will cost me an arm and a leg, but who cares, its not every day he would have been ten right?)

They will be shaped into the number ten for his age, with surrounding flowers. There will also be another basket on his grave this year, and that is for the special little girl I spoke of at the start of this review, Chloe Jemima Povah.

They both turn Ten this year, as they are together in Heaven, so their flowers shall be together on Earth.

For Nicholas and Chloe, Goodnight Sweethearts, Love Mummies and Daddies, Hannah and Caitlin.

God Bless xx

PS. I would also like to thank all my friends here on Ciao, for their supporting me when I needed it most, and for always being there for me, you know who you are. i would also like to add, if there is anyone out there who has been in the same boat as us, come and find us if you need to talk, I found it helped me, so it may help you too.

Copyright Aussieme1106 - 2005