Advantages Definately NONE
Disadvantages Having to cope with it and always wondering why?
Fortunately, lot of people will never have to experience the effects of a person close to you committing suicide, and to be very honest they have no idea how lucky they are never to have to deal with a death this way.Suicide is one of the hardest forms of grief that a person will ever have to deal with, and the destruction it does to the family of the victim.
On 11th of April 1995, I found out exactly how it felt to lose a family member through suicide. I can still remember that day perfectly clear even to this day.
A police office knocked my front door and asked if he could come in, straight away I knew something was wrong, and then he sat me down and told me that my 29-year-old brother was dead.
The shock was like a train hitting me a full speed, the police took me I the car to be down with the rest of my family. It was only then that I found out that my brother had taken his own life.
He left a note saying how unhappy he was and he just wanted to have no more confusion in his head. He told us all in the letter, how much he loved us and that he was sorry!My brother did have a drink and solvent abuse problem prior to his death, but the help was there for him and he was still so young and could have battled through his problems.
From that day on, my families' lives were totally devastated and destroyed.My mother had a nervous breakdown, and her nerves will never fully recover and she is unable to cope with any sort of stress.
Unless you have lost a child, you can never fully understand the pain and suffering the parent of that child feels no matter how old the child is. The natural human instinct is there to ever parent that they never expect to outlive their child. By saying, this I am referring to no matter how the child has died and not that it is harder because of suicide. The fact is that it is incomprehensible pain to lose a child in a circumstance unless you have actually experienced it.
I myself cannot fully understand how hard it is to have to cope with the death of a child, I can only relate to how hard it is to lose a brother, and try to deal with the fact that he took his own life.
The biggest two question that comes with the loss of a loved one through suicide is "why?",and "what was so bad that he had no other choice, that he felt the only way to make things right was to end his own life?"I was very close to my brother David, closer than my two other Brothers Raymond and Mark, but Raymond and Mark were very close too. David was five years older than I was, but our personalities, characters, and even looks were very similar. We got on really well and we used to tell each other our problems and confide in each other, we used to tell each other everything, or so I thought. It turns out I was wrong about that, because he never told me what was causing him so much pain, stress and confusion, that it drove him to committing suicide.
I still think of David everyday and I miss him dearly as does all my family, our lives will never be the same without him, it is like a jigsaw puzzle with an important piece missing.
It took along time to come to terms with the death of David and finally after about four and a half years, my mother and fathers health was starting to improve and slowly but surely the family was picking up the pieces.
I will always remember the Millennium new years eve, because that it when the family all got together and at the stroke of midnight toasted to David and to never forgetting him But trying to move on as best we could. My son was only two months old at the time so I was not at my best with postnatal depression, but the idea of things getting a little better and the family getting the bond back sounded great.
The family all kept going keeping up the effort to keep in touch as much as possible and being strong. My father's birthday was just after the New Year on the 13th January and mark and I had been down the house two days before to drop off his cards and presents and Raymond was supposed to be there too, but he phoned and cancelled and told my mother he would be there tomorrow without fail.
True to his word about 2.30 pm Raymond went down my Parents and dropped my dad's card and present off, he stayed about half an hour then said he had to get ready because he was opening his new Tia-Kwon-Do club at 7.30pm that evening.
Just after he left, my mother phoned me because she was worried about him.
I asked her what she meant and she said he was acting strange not his usual self-.I told her it was probably he was nervous about the new club opening.
The shock and horror that ran through us all to find ourselves not 5 years later having to go through all this pain, hurt and destruction again just blew our mind. Unfortunately my um had to be sedated and put into a mental health unit for a few days so she could be monitored as she just kept saying I cannot take the pain anymore I want to be with my sons.
My father was a broken man; he has always been very religious. His faith helped him through last time, but unfortunately, this caused him to lose his faith for a while as he thought, if there is a God why has he taken another of his children.
Why was he doing this to his family? My dad became extremely ill with his nerves too until my mother was able to return home and they just did all they could to try and console each other and comes to terms with it happening to them not once but twice.
Raymond however was opposite, he had a high ranking well paid job, a large beautiful house, a happy marriage and two lovely kids. He was famous around where we live, as he was the head door attendant in one of the better nightclubs, he also had already opened 2 schools to train Tia-Kwon-Do and was due to open his third club the night he died.The impact this has had on my parents has mentally scared them for life and can never find any peace in their lives. I try to do as much as I can to help, but I cannot do the one this I pray for every night. For the pain to be taken away as much as possible, to allow them to get healthier and to find some sort of peace in there life. On saying this though they are both now getting there religious faith back but more so my father as he is now a lay minister.
Sadly, after all this the family has now totally fallen apart.
My parent never see Raymond's wife or two children as she moved away with a new man and doesn't even talk about my parent to the children, My brother mark is still seriously mentally ill after Raymond's death, he is angry and has not grieved but a the same time will not seek help as he is convinced hat he is fine. He told my parents a week after the funeral that he wanted nothing more to do with me as far as he was concerned I was dead as were my individual family because I would be killing myself next and if he has nothing to do with me it won't hurt him when I die. This tore my parents to pieces and tried for two years to make him see sense,but in the end he did the same to them and totally removed them from his lives saying they were dead to him and his family, so my parents had to deal with the fact that there son ,his wife and his two children will never be part of their lives or mine. So all my mother and father have left out of Four children, two daughter-in laws, one son-in-law and six grand children they have only got one daughter/her husband and there two children.
Still she fights one. Everyday is a battle for her and my father but I speak to them everyday and always will,I help them as much as I can and they help each other two.
It has been 11 years now since David died at the age of 29, and six years since Raymond died at the age of 34, and she is just about coping with everyday life as long as no stress is put on her.
THEREFORE, TO SUM IT ALL UP EVERYTHING TO DO WITH S FOR ME IS SUICIDE AND SORROW.ADDITIONAL THING I FEEL I SHOULD SAY
In Loving Memory of Raymond and David
I would now like to say a few words to the loving memories of my brother: ~
I pray to the lord god that one day some peace will be given to my Mother and my Father and Mark, that there pain will soon be made easier. I pray that someday our family can try to rebuild a bond together again. However, most of all I pray that all here health can be made better.I dedicate this review to
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