Everything that starts with W ...

Oh yes! Look what I’ve found! These questions don’t seem to contain any repeats from the other online grillings I’ve given myself, so let’s see what pops up (actresses and bishops spring to mind there). I can only assume this is in the Everything That Starts With W section of Ciao’s café because the first few questions begin with the word “What”.

1. What is on your duvet cover?

On the one which is currently on my bed, it’s yellow flowers although I wish I had a nice, sleek handsome purring cat on there.

2. What is in the glove compartment of your car?

I haven’t got a car, therefore no glove compartment. If I did have both, I doubt if the compartment would be used for gloves as I hate wearing them – of course, if they were in the compartment then I wouldn’t be wearing them, but that begs the question. No doubt the glove compartment would be filled with fluff, chocolate wrappers…that sort of garbage.

3. What is the background to your computer screen?

A lovely black cat who appears to be half asleep.

4. What was the last thing you sung?

Probably a hymn at school, and then no doubt it was miming.

5. When was the last time you did a cartwheel?

I’ve never been that athletic!!!

6. How do you take your coffee?

By the bucket-load, and VERY strong…strong enough to stand the spoon up in it. It doesn’t give me screeching caffeine-induced abdabs any more as my body is used to the high intake.

7. Last time you went clubbing?

Never! I can’t think of much that I’d like less.

8. Do you brush your teeth before breakfast or after?

I don’t eat breakfast, so I suppose that could count as before? The first thing I eat is lunch, but I do have it quite early.

9. Sugar on cornflakes or not?

Only a tiny little bit.

10. If you could learn one instrument what would it be and why?

Piano as I’d really love to belt out boogie as good as or better than Ammons, Johnson, Zwingenberger, Kaeshammer, Holland, Lux-Lewis, Amouroux, Lee-Lewis, Domino, Turner et al.

11. If you could speak a foreign language what would it be and why?

I think I’d like to learn Esperanto so that I could have private conversations with myself in public…private because it’s unlikely anyone would know what I was talking about, so my secrets would be safe. How many people do you know who are fluent in Esperanto?

11a. What would be your perfect email address?

The one (my main one) I’ve already got. It was carefully selected in an attempt to be different.

11b. Describe your favourite mug.

Well, it’s black!

11c. What was your last dream?

Very very weird one! I was digging holes in the street and a sadly departed friend appeared telling me that I ought to stop and take a rest otherwise the bacon joint I’d left roasting in the oven would burn.

12. What time does church start?

I haven’t got the foggiest idea. Do churches start and finish? I thought they were an ongoing thing.

13. What was the first exam you took?

Euuugh – 11-plus, which I apparently just missed passing by something even thinner than the skin of my teeth.

14. Did parents hit you?

Nope! Well, my dad smacked the back of my hand once only and he was so sorry afterwards that he cried even harder than I did. I have to say that the smacking was probably well justified as I’d done something very wrong. Aside from that, my parents had other ways of disciplining me….not dissimilar from SuperNanny’s methods.

15. Do you wear your watch on your left or right hand?

I don’t wear a watch any more….that’s one of the many luxuries of shuffling off the coil of being an employee under someone else’s regime.

16. What shampoo do you use?

I like Vosene best (love the smell) but my skin won’t take it or any other “ordinary” shampoo any more. I am only allowed to use what’s medically prescribed, otherwise my scalp could flare up in huge horrible things again.

17. Last time you cut the grass?

A year ago! Someone else has been doing it for me since. If in this question “grass” is intended to mean of the wacky bakky variety, then about 15 years ago.

18. What denomination are you?

Errrr is this supposed to ask what religion I am? If so, then none. If it’s meant to question me about something else, then I’d need it to be more precise before I could give an answer.

19. Should we keep the monarchy?

I’m really not bothered one way or the other, as I truly don’t think it would make any difference to our lives. Our society is too “tight” for it to be damaged by the loss of the monarchy. It would upset lots of people though if it went, because they like to have something to admire.

20. What was the last thing you ironed?

My hair!

21. What was the last thing you bought?

A packet of ham, a pack of cheese, 4 litres of virtually fat-free milk, a pack of plum tomatoes and a reduced price Mars Bar Easter egg.

22. Have you been to Durham? If not, why not?

No I haven’t been there and as for the reason why, other than never having been there, I simply can’t say.

23. What did you have for tea last night?

Baked sausages, grilled tomatoes, 2 slices of toast with 2 poached eggs and a few incinerated mushrooms on top (I like my mushrooms nuked).

24. Tea out of a teapot or tea bag?

I’m not a tea drinker, but on the once in a month of August Bank Holiday Mondays that I indulge, then I much prefer the loose stuff even if it is messy. Tea bags have no soul, no punch, no oooomph!

25. Favourite month?

October as it means the misery of too hot summer weather and other associated summer discomforts are over for a few months, yet it isn’t yet cold enough to freeze my bits off. I also like those golden autumn days (thanks Van The Man for that phrase) when the sunshine has a sort of dark yellow haze to it and hits the earth at a certain, somewhat wistful yet very pleasant angle.

26. Last time you clipped your nails.

Can’t remember – must do them again soon as they are talons and wearing the letters off my keys on my keyboard. Not a problem when I’m in the throes of typing, but helpful to get my fingers on the right home keys in the first place.

Well that’s all folks…..even with all these questionnaire insights, I still challenge anybody to say they really KNOW me!

Odd questions and after much thought, will receive three stars as that’s the closest I can get to the halfway mark.

Thanks for reading!