Everything that starts with X ...

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WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE CARDS???
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How many of you have played the game of Monopoly? You all know the classic game of buying property and getting rich; it is played every day by hundreds of people around the world. Now, consider this: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are ...
...some vodka and smoking weed. One hour into the game, Paris is winning with dozens of hotels all over the board which she affectionately refers to her as her Daddy’s. When Paris lands on Community Chest, she picks up the card and it reads that she is ordered to go to jail for driving on a suspended license. She goes there says “This is Not Hot! I want to pay to get out!” And so she is released, just like having one of those “Get out of jail Free” ... more

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WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE CARDS???
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How many of you have played the game of Monopoly? You all know the classic game of buying property and getting rich; it is played every day by hundreds of people around the world. Now, consider this: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are all having a girly night playing Monopoly, complete with drinking some vodka and smoking weed. One hour into the game, Paris is winning with dozens of hotels all over the board which she affectionately refers to her as her Daddy’s. When Paris lands on Community Chest, she picks up the card and it reads that she is ordered to go to jail for driving on a suspended license. She goes there says “This is Not Hot! I want to pay to get out!” And so she is released, just like having one of those “Get out of jail Free” cards.

Let me tell you all that it is almost impossible to put into words how embarrassed and disgusted I was of the American legal system yesterday. When someone breaks a law in this country (as with most countries) they are expected to suffer the appropriate punishment; in other words, they all are expected to take responsibility for their own actions. This should be common sense to any sensible, mature adult. I’ve never been in jail, because I never broke the law. I grew up in a lower-middle class family and I learned about life the hard way; I wasn’t spoiled, and I learned to take care of myself and take responsibility for my actions. Plus, I learned to work my ass off in the military and doing something for good for the country.

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THE SKANK LIFE
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Paris Hilton was born with a rich spoon in her mouth; her inheritance is estimated to be worth 30 to 50 million. Am I jealous of that? No, because I don’t need loads of money to be happy for one thing; if I did have as much money as the Hilton family does, I would donate much of it to charities or people starving in Africa. In my viewpoint, I just need money to live, eat and get around; that’s it period. I got through high school and I’m about to get my Bachelor’s degree; Hilton never graduated from high school and she has never gotten a college education. The first time I really heard of Hilton was when I was in Japan, when I heard that she was an heiress to the Hilton Hotels around the world; at that time, there was this big deal of a porn video which was viewed on my ship having her in it. When I arrived the back in the States, she had just started this new show called “The Simple Life”; I never viewed the show, but my sister did, and she said that she liked it because of Nicole Ritchie (daughter of Lionel) and that Paris Hilton's character did nothing but b*tch and complain.

Soon, I saw her face plastered all over magazines because she had became a model and socialite; I never read them because I don’t give a rat’s ass about any of these people, and it still surprises me that many people read all this celebrity gossip to satisfy their curiosity. Anyway, she started appearing in a few movies like HOUSE OF WAX and THE CAT IN THE HAT; when I wrote a review on the latter film for Ciao I said: “Just when you think it can’t get any worse, Paris Hilton show up in a cameo!” In addition, she has put out a CD album (which is currently under fire for plagiarism), several perfumes and purses, a book entitled “Confessions of an Heiress,”; she even donated her name for a string of clubs, though she was later fired for not appearing at some scheduled performances. She has publicly compared herself to Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana, though she has denied at other times; in other words, she contradicted herself several times.

According to Wikipedia, she will be named the Most Overrated Celebrity in the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records; in addition, numerous polls have voted her as the Worst Celebrity Role Model next to Britney Spears; ditto to that. Like I said, I don’t read the celebrity magazines, watch celebrity news, or even watch MTV because I truly believe these people just want attention so that they could make more money; they are egotistically flaunting their wealth (as well as thier bodies) and people are getting themselves suckered into it, particularly teenagers. One of the reasons why I loved the BORAT movie so much is that it ridiculed our obsession with celebrities; in the movie, Sasha Baron Cohen played a faux Kazakhstani reporter who goes on a quest to marry a “hot babe” known only as Pamela Anderson, who he believes is still a virgin.

Most of what I heard about Hilton was on the news and from my sister though I regrettably had to do some research to actually write this café piece. All the events which led up to yesterday just proved to me once and for all that Paris Hilton is nothing more than a whiny, spoiled, skanky, rich bitch of a brat who thinks she is above the law. I’m sure most of you have heard of the term “celebrity justice”; hey, in this country, you could get away with killing your wife like O.J. Simpson did without going to jail as long as you have a butt-load of money. Money talks, bullshit walks; sad, but true. And you know what: I thought girls like Paris Hilton hated premature releases by their own hand, lol....

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THE PRISON LIFE
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Let’s do a little re-cap of the events. Last September, Hilton was arrested for driving drunk, which is very much against the law; thousands of people die every year in DUI accidents, and I knew several people in the military who got killed in those accidents, either as perpetrators or as victims. Hell, I’m sure most of you have had a friend or a loved one die in a drunken driving accident. In my home state of Virginia, the drunk driving laws are severe: your driver’s license is revoked and you go automatically to prison; that’s it, do not stop and do not pass Go, do not collect $200. In California (which is governed by Arnold Schwarzenegger just in case you didn’t know), the drunk driving laws are much more lenient; Hilton pled no contest, was fined $1500, and her license was suspended. In other words she got a free ride after putting PEOPLES LIVES IN DANGER; does that make any sense? Then, her undereducated senses drove her to break the law again when she drove on her suspended license, and then a judge ordered her to serve 45 days in jail.

Just days before beginning her sentence, she started a petition to where she wanted her all her fans and friends to sign a petition to submit to Gov. Schwarzenegger to not let her go to prison. Apparently, it didn’t work, and she reported to prison at 11:15 pm last Saturday night; yesterday the nation was stunned when she was released due to a “medical condition,” and she was to serve the rest of her sentence at her California mansion. This is all I’m saying: medical condition, MY ASS!!!!! My sister is a former Marine, and worked in a jail for several years, and she knows as any person who is a law enforcement officer that if a person is having a medical or psychological problem while in jail they are giving proper treatment there in the jail at the clinic! There are millions of people in America who are incarcerated and receive the same treatment no matter what crime they committed; none of them are sent home early due to a “medical condition.”

According to the public statement given by the Los Angeles sheriff who released her she was about to suffer a nervous breakdown due to the fact that she was cold, bored, and depressed and refused to eat the prison food. (Other reports are insisting it is because of a rash, so its obvious they had difficulty fabricating a story.) Awwwww, poor little Paris, she didn’t have her wine and favorite food she always eats and she was being forced to eat prison hot dogs (which is no worse than other things she has put in her mouth if you ask me). Supposedly she was placed on a strict diet while in jail and the first thing she did when she got home was order her favorite cupcakes; oh, yeah, if I was sick the first thing I would eat would be cupcakes too! While under house arrest in her luxurious California mansion, she is not allowed to leave and she had to be monitored with an ankle bracelet; she must have been upset when they didn’t offer them in a pink color. Now, anyone who calls that a proper punishment for driving while drunk and violating her probation must be on as much drugs as she and Lindsay Lohan are on!!! (P.S. Lohan had also recently been arrested for driving while drunk and cocaine was found in her possession.)

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THESE PEOPLE NEED TO GROW UP
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There are a lot of people to blame for this travesty of injustice, and it is not just the Hiltons, it all the people who supported her through her bullshit products, such as purses, books, music, perfume and magazine articles. What truly makes me sick more than anything are the teenagers who are looking up at Paris, Lindsay, and Britney as role models that should be emulated. What Paris is saying to them is simply this: get rich and you could buy your way out of anything; with cash, you are above the law. These girls have done NOTHING to contribute to the greater good of society; they have no talent, and they are all sluts who do a lot of drugs and party all the time. I cannot stipulate enough that they all set bad examples as human beings in general in that they say to their fans its ok to drive drunk, do drugs, and break the law! A lot of people have their minds poisoned by these girls' illegal antics and worship them; we have wasted so many trees on bullshit gossip columns and magazines which serve to make these people look good that it is getting just plain ludicrous as to what our society has come to.

I have every right to be upset about this because I’m a tax-paying citizen, and those taxes are supposed to go to the justice system that imprisons the people who do criminal acts. It doesn’t matter how famous they are: they should do their time behind bars, and when I looked yesterday at the parade of prominent police officers who allowed this spoiled skank to be released I was just so offended. So, which do you think was the primary factor in all this: money or sex? Did Hilton give the entire Sherriff’s office and prison officials all blowjobs? I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the truth, though my vote is that she whined to her rich Daddy to get her out by means of millions of dollars. If I were her father, I would be ashamed of her and cut her off completely from her inheritance; why can’t she just take responsibility, be an adult, quit whining and and serve her 45-day sentence???

To be honest, I don’t think that is enough, I would send her to Marine Corps boot camp because she would get some REAL discipline about life and realize it is not all about cupcakes, perfumes and herself. Better yet, I can just stick her on my sister, who really would love to kick her ass…and my sister is stronger than a dose of Filipino clap, I’ll tell you all right now. Seriously, who can say that Hilton’s punishment now is justified? She is under home arrest in a MANSION, for God’s sake; she can still do anything she wants, there is no punishment there. It’s like sending your kid to his room where he has his cell phone and a butt-load of video games; they are not learning anything from their punishment.

I’m hoping you are all considering never staying in a Hilton hotel again, because they have just gone too damn far; I haven’t stayed in one for years, and I don’t intend to stay in another for as long as I live. It just makes me sick that Hilton is given a slap on a wrist when she continually broke the law, and will no doubt continue to break the law because she doesn’t think the law exists; she lives in her own bullshit fantasy world full of porn videos and cupcakes and will never learn. I’m with most of America during this dark time in being ashamed at not only the Hilton family, but also the California law system, as well as everyone who has been supporting that ugly, herpes-laden skank over the years. Thanks for reading!! Chris :)

UPDATE: As most of you have heard right now, Hilton has been thrown back into jail where she belongs...in fact she is in the psychiatric ward at this moment at a correctional facility in LA. I don't know about you all, but I was cheering and this will probably be the funniest thing to happen all year: Paris Hilton was not only sobbing, but also screaming "This is not Fair" and "Mommy!" continuously as she was dragged out of the courtroom. I'm off to have some beer now!! Chris x 

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