Freemans

...wrote an excellent review on Freemans mail order shopping catalogue. My opinion tries to give a male perspective on Freemans, which mainly caters for women.

I first came across Freemans catalogue in 1988. I can recall a photograph of the Scottish pop singer Lulu on the front cover.

In 1995 a few months after I got married I came across an advert for Freemans in a magazine. Eager to make my wife independent regarding ...
...radio.

The Freemans advertising talks about easy shopping, interest free credit and free delivery.

Well what does the Freemans catalogue sell?

Freemans sells a whole host of women's fashions. This includes denim jackets, tops, skirts, sandals, bustiers, dresses, trousers, camisoles, sweaters, Halter tops, Bermuda shorts, cardigans, mules, boob tubes, bootflares, vests, midi pants, T-shirts, tank tops, ... more

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN May 2001

The Ciao member sandrabarber wrote an excellent review on Freemans mail order shopping catalogue. My opinion tries to give a male perspective on Freemans, which mainly caters for women.

I first came across Freemans catalogue in 1988. I can recall a photograph of the Scottish pop singer Lulu on the front cover.

In 1995 a few months after I got married I came across an advert for Freemans in a magazine. Eager to make my wife independent regarding buying clothes I sent off the application form.

The only criterion required is that the applicant should be over 18 years of age. A catalogue arrived a week later with my wife given a credit limit of £100. Also books of order forms and return forms were included. You were also given that all important agency number.

My wife has been buying stuff monthly ever since. After a few months my wife's credit limit was increased to £700. Now her limit is £1500.

Two catalogues are delivered every year: Spring/Summer and Autumn/Winter catalogues.

The 2001 Spring/Summer catalogue consists of 1130 pages. My wife is constantly leafing through the catalogue so it must be a good read.

One advantage of mail order shopping is that you can choose what to buy in the comfort of your own home. There is no need to go to the city centre on Saturdays and I can concentrate on following sport on the TV or radio.

The Freemans advertising talks about easy shopping, interest free credit and free delivery.

Well what does the Freemans catalogue sell?

Freemans sells a whole host of women's fashions. This includes denim jackets, tops, skirts, sandals, bustiers, dresses, trousers, camisoles, sweaters, Halter tops, Bermuda shorts, cardigans, mules, boob tubes, bootflares, vests, midi pants, T-shirts, tank tops, jackets, hotpants, frockcoats, catsuits, trench coats, bodices etc.

The latest fashions are available from The Look, Miss Selfridge, Morgan and Warehouse.

As a teenager my father forbade me to wear jeans, as I would look common. I managed to wear jeans throughout my university days. Nowadays I simply wear shorts so that I can flash my shapely legs whenever possible.

The Freemans catalogue sells jeans from companies such as Levi's, Diesel, Pep & Guess, Firetrap, Kangol, Chilli Pepper, Tommy, Wrangler, Lee & Easy, Ben Sherman, Western Trading and DKNY.

As the seasonal name of the catalogue suggests there is an excellent array of spring/summer clothing at affordable prices. Fashion brands include Whistles, Betty Jackson, One, Images, Wallis, Blue Leaf and Together.

The colours are fantastic. I read somewhere that women often wear green to attract men.

I am lucky that my wife is not a shopaholic like Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Tara spends up to £6000 an outfit. She is a friend of Prince Charles and goes skiing with him at Cloisters, Switzerland. Her appearance on the Frank Skinner show was the greatest chat show interview ever. Tara now models for Marks & Spencer. Horses for courses perhaps.

It is not well known that Tara has an elder sister called Santa. She has married into the rich Sebag Montefiore family. She is due to give birth soon.

Freemans also has clothing to fit petite and outsize women. Often if you buy 2 or more trousers you get discounts.

Designer sunglasses are also sold. Designer names include DNKY, Calvin Klein, Moschino, Ray-Ban, Guess Eyewear and FCUK Vision. I know that women do not make passes at guys who wear glasses.

There is small range of handbags and purses sold. But you are really are paying for the brand name rather than for the quality of the product.

Other items sold include fashion watches and costume jewellery, leather outfits, cosmetics and beauty products, swimwear, footwear, lingerie and nightwear.

The prices for the jewellery are way over the top. You would be better off shopping for these at Claires Accessories or New Look.

I always thought that there were 2 parts to the bikini. But apparently there are 9 varieties eg triangle, underwired, vest, padded, mid-leg, hi-leg, skirt, tanga and thong.

My knowledge of lingerie is nil. But just ogling at the models is good for the mind.

The kids clothing section runs for nearly 70 pages. The age range is from newborn to 14 years. The quality of these clothes is excellent. But you pay for the designer brand names such as Western Trading, Adams, Kangol and Quiksilver.

The only reservation I have is that kids grow very quickly out of clothes and you may have to budget carefully. Perhaps Mothercare is a better bet as new management has turned the company around.

The sports clothing section runs for nearly 80 pages. Sports shoes and clothing are sold for women, kids and men. Even fitness equipment is sold.

I always thought that Freemans catered mainly for women. But the men's section is 125 pages long. Items sold include casualwear, swimwear, sunglasses, outerwear, leathers, smartwear, underwear, nightwear, footwear and aftershaves.

The sizes catered for are small, medium, large and extra large. Unfortunately my size is XXL and there is simply nothing to fit me.

The aftershaves are priced very expensively. I would rather go to Boots for mine.

Unusually for a clothing catalogue a large range of non-clothing products are available.

These items are mainly for the home eg cushions, curtains, rugs, bedding, bedroom furniture, beds, coffee tables, sofas, vases, cabinets, home office, lighting, window dressing, flooring, kitchenware, dining room and items for the bathroom.

Electrical items are also sold. These include laundry, fridges and freezers, cookers and microwaves, kettles and toasters, irons, TVs and videos, portable stereos, car stereos, cameras & camcorders, PCs, electronic games and telephones.

For the outdoors there are items such as gardening furniture, DIY power tools, bikes, outdoor toys, footspas, hairdryers, gold jewellery and fashion watches.

Freemans is rivalling Argos in the range of products it sells.

I am hoping to purchase a mobile phone in the near future. Despite adverts from the Link, Carphone Warehouse etc I think I will purchase it from Freemans. I must add that regarding mobile phones I do not know my WAPs from my 3Gs to my GPRS.

Ordering items is easy. All you do is call the 24 hour freephone order line, give your agency number, confirm your name and address, give the item number of the item you want to purchase. You are then given an approximate delivery time period.

A courier will drop the item at your home.

If there are any queries then you can call the 24-hour answer line but calls here are charged at 0870 rates.

The customer service people are generally friendly and helpful.

Often additional brochures are included with the purchased item.

The returns policy is fairly straightforward. You can stick a returns label to the bag and send it back to Freemans with the postage already paid. Or you can call the answerline who will arrange for a courier to pick up the item at a designated time.

I have had to return items on about 4 occasions and there was no hassle.

You are sent a statement every month. You can spread your payments over several months but must pay a minimum amount every month.

I have made payments at Barclays Bank but I found that Nationwide Building Society would not accept payments.

You can also pay at the post office or send the payment directly to Freemans.

Often free gifts are given if you make an order within a certain date. This month my wife received a free vanity case which was lovely.

You can also buy products on-line at the Freemans Internet site.

Sometimes the item does not arrive within the required time period. Here you have to contact the answerline and they will sort it out.

Recent innovations have been the selling of insurance eg home, motor, pet and travel. You can also purchase AA or RAC car cover.

The best thing about Freemans is that you get commission on all purchases. You get £1 back on every £10 you spend. This is a form of loyalty card system.

From time to time I receive catalogue requests from other companies such as Grattan, Janet Frazer, Littlewoods etc. These are all right but not up to the standard of Freemans.

Internet on-line buying has dented the sales of Freemans.

But Freemans is a market leader and is the best mail order shopping catalogue around.

UPDATED November 2001

FREE GIFTS

One of the perks of shopping with Freemans is getting a free gift with most purchases. Over the years we have received a free water jug, plastic beakers, a cool bag, a sports bag, a radio, a rucksack etc.

Certainly the likelihood of a free gift increases the chances of making a purchase.

MISTAKES

Sometimes mistakes do occur. Earlier this year the accounts department did not receive a payment I made at a local bank. This did not show on the next statement and we were charged a £5 default fee.

I spoke to customer services who were quite helpful. I made a photocopy of the receipt and sent it along with a letter explaining matters. Within a week the matter was solved and the £5 default fee cancelled.

NEW PAYMENT FACILITY

Recently you can pay for your purchases via debit or credit card over the phone. This makes life far easier.

In the past you would have to go along to your local bank to pay for the purchase.

DELIVERY

This is one the worst services of Freemans. We simply do not know the day or time of delivery.

Sometimes we have received goods 6 weeks after ordering them. At other times good have arrived 2 days after ordering them.

It would be nice if the courier could phone us on the day of delivery and give an approximate time.

E-MAIL

Sometimes it is difficult to get through to customer services. So we have e-mailed Freemans instead. In all cases we received a reply within 48 hours, which is impressive.

THE FUTURE

A customer services staff member told us last week that Freemans was to merge with Grattans which is another mail order shopping business.

I am not sure of the ramifications of this. Either Freemans or Grattans or both are in financial trouble. Certainly on-line shopping has made a dent in the profits of mail order shopping businesses.

It will be interesting to see what improvements the merger makes.

UPDATED January 2003

REDUCED PHONE SERVICE

In the past the phone lines to customer service were open 24 hours per day. We often phoned at 1 am ordering items, finding out the account balance etc. I have tried ringing customer services around noon but hung up after being put on hold for ages.

Now all the phone lines close at midnight. We tried ringing at 10 p.m. or 11 p.m. but were kept on hold. Occasionally we got through straight away. It seems to me that Freemans were cutting costs by truncating the phone service.

I spoke to a Freemans courier a few months back. He admitted that Freemans had some financial problems. I suspect that there has been a lot of competition from the Internet sites.

COMPUTER PROBLEMS

Members of the Yahoo tabyorky group will know about my recent problems with the toaster. In short I tried cleaning it with fairy liquid and it stopped working properly.

A toaster was immediately ordered from Freemans. We used the next day delivery service, which cost an extra GBP 2.99. But nothing arrived.

We phoned customer services again and were told that the toaster was with the courier. It would be delivered between 2-5 days. Again no deliver y took place.

Eventually we received a letter stating that the toaster we ordered was out of stock! Apparently there had been a computer error.

But we made another call to ensure removal of the purchase price and next day delivery charge from our account.

UPDATED November 2003

ACCOUNT MANAGEMENT REGISTRATION - NOT

A few months ago Freemans brought out its account management system. The idea was that existing Freemans customers could have an online account, from which they could order items, pay bills, enter competitions etc. It seemed an innovative idea.

Registration was easy. The online form at the Freemans site did not take long to fill in. A confirmatory e-mail was later sent. Then the problems started.

Every time we clicked the link on that e-mail a message appeared that you cannot access your details as the Freemans system is down. Plenty of web sites are closed down for routine maintenance. So we tried a few weeks later but kept getting the same error message.

Underneath the link in the e-mail was another link that could be pasted directly into the browser. We got the same error message again. This went on for a few more weeks before e-mailing customer services for help.

We got a prompt reply which told said that our initial registration had been deleted. It told us to re-register with a different password. So we re-registered and the same error message appeared.

I actually had a look at the actual link in the confirmatory e-mail. It transpired that some text in that e-mail got put in the link by mistake. We fired off another e-mail mentioning the erroneous link. But we got the same e-mail as before telling us that to re-register with a different password.

All the replies to our e-mails were automated even though they looked written by a person. It was not a nice feeling to get an automated response to a specific problem. This is really poor customer service.

We told Freemans that we shall stick to ordering via the phone. Certainly this episode with the defunct account management system left a bad taste in the mouth.

UPDATED April 2005

CIAO UPDATES

I have really enjoying writing the latest updates to my previous ops. I feel more confident nowadays and I hope that this has manifested itself in my writing. These ops are the perfect vehicle for a recluse like me. I prefer solitude and think and read a lot. But I still get tongue-tied in front of women. I hope that readers get more enjoyment from the updates than the original op.

One thing I have noticed from some of the ops is that they start very normal before ending outrageously. This is entirely due the influence of 'Day in the Life' from Sergeant Pepper (?) by the Beatles. It was in effect two separate songs joined together. The first song is a typical James McCartney subject i.e. ordinary every day activities such as waking up, getting out of bed, washing hair etc. I also loved his Wings hit 'Another Day' on a similar theme. I really like 'So Bad' on the 'Give my Regards to Broad Street' album. Paul has better feet than Claudia Stiffer. The second song on 'Day in the Life' is much darker. The closing bars always have an effect on me. When I write ops I always try for an ending that will leave something for the reader to ponder about. The punch line at the end of some of the ops is a straight plagiarism of a 'Neighbours' episode cliffhanger.

I would love to meet face-to-face anybody who has read my ops. A dead neighbour Steven recently told me through a medium to consider a career in publishing. I have less chance of getting the sack being self-employed. Hopefully I shall have more chance of getting into the sack.

Now for a few unanswered questions: Who is the Lebanese apple-eating Nadine who shops at Zara for pink shoes? Where did she come from and where did she go? I would love to know more about Leopold Fregoli? When shall I see my brunette and blonde honeytrap WPCs again? What makes a receptionist beautiful? These unwritten words easily bruise me. Who is the Ciao referrer? Where are the nymphomaniac nurses Shirley and Wendy nowadays?

QUIKSERV

The best innovation instigated by Freemans over the past year has been Quickserv. This is an automated system, which bypasses the customer service advisors. Customers dial a 0870 number and then access the system via a pin. The menu driven system offers 4 services so far: commission claims, courier collections, make payments and account enquiries.

The 0870 number is a rip-off and is overpriced. The phone call revenue is shared between BT and Freemans. It is simply a revenue-generating scheme for businesses. Conversely the order line is a 0800 freefone number. An interesting experiment would be to make the order line a 0870 number and monitor the number of sales generated. Whenever I see a company with a 0870 number alarm bells start ringing somewhere down below. Why does this company want to charge so much just for a simple call? Are their finances less than kosher?

Freemans customers receive 10% commission on every purchase. This commission can really build up. It can be claimed either in part or in full. We usually claim the commission first thing in the New Year to fund our resolutions, which we then break.

Occasionally the incorrect item is delivered or the item may be faulty e.g. wrong size. A courier collection is then arranged. About 2 years ago I bought a lamp, which had to be self-assembled. I spent the best part of 2 evenings trying to put together the darn lamp. I even bought extra light bulbs to get it working but all to no avail. Eventually I gave up and a courier collected the box a few days later. The money was refunded by the next statement. So we went to Homebase for another lamp. I spent another 2 days putting it together before putting my head in my hands and missing. Sander was always better than Jerzy. I returned the lamp unit to Homebase before buying yet another lamp. This time everything went smoothly. I felt like saying let there be light. Please don't lampoon me anymore with lamprey larva. Baby Jane certainly lights up my life. To unquote Robert the Bruce, if at first you don't succeed then give up.

Payment of the bill is quick and simple via a debit or credit card. Once I made a payment, which did not appear, on the next statement. I made another payment, which was ok. So there are glitches in the system. Generally most of the problems have been ironed out.

Reading directly from the leaflet there are a number of account enquiry options: current balance, amount of credit available, when last statement was sent, copy statement request, order stationery.

The services are relatively straightforward to use. In case of a problem you can be put through to a call centre adviser.

PIN SECURITY

The Quickserv pin number is very easy to work out from the agency number. On one hand it is very easy to remember. On the other hand the security aspects are pretty poor.

I mentioned in my Unicom op how my parents could monitor overseas phone calls after stealing the pin. At that time they also stole my Lloyds Phonebank Express card. This meant that they could monitor my finances via the automated service. In a few years time I shall look back on this episode that it was better that my parents were doing the monitoring rather than some shady government agency. The shock in finding out these dastardly deeds actually broke some barriers in the mind and improved my health in a backhanded irony. Refer to my Ciao 'Unicom' op.

Kleptomaniacs should invest in steel shares. Thieves are rotten to the corus.

Anyway I hope that Freemans improves the security aspect of an otherwise very good automated phone service. There is no waiting in queues and having to sometimes hear that awful muzak. Quickserv is open 24/7 * 365 except for leap years. Will someone go down on one knee next Feb 29th?

OFFER CODES

Sometimes free CDs are given with the offer code. A few years ago we received a Christmas CD 'Let it Snow' which was a great collection of festive hits. The quality of songs on this particular CD matched any Xmas CD from the High Street.

We are more likely to order from the catalogue if there is an offer code handy. The lure of a free gift, which will hardly ever be used, is a great psychological sales tactic. It never fails in our household. Our collection of coffee makers, mixers, weighing scales would probably make some money at a Cats Protection bric-a-brac sale.

The only offer code I would advise home shoppers to clear of is the 'buy now pay later' one. We ordered a remote control holder a couple of years back which would be paid for on the following August. Every subsequent statement had this payment pending. It really grated on my nerves seeing this. I was more than relieved when the bill was paid. Reading between the lines we could not terminate our Freemans membership if we wanted to until the pay later date.

RIVALS

This section has nothing to do with Sheridan. But he was a great midfielder for Leeds but no so good for Forest. How sexy is Mrs Malaprop?

I would guess that Freemans business has been affected via Internet sales and other rival home shopping catalogues. The latest catalogue did not have the same sort of pizzazz as in previous years. Nowadays prize draw entry forms are sent with mailings. You can claim a grotty prize by phoning an expensive 090 number. I still have bad memories of prize draws from Readers Digest just after Xmas. I only ever won a bronze plastic car key and a silver spoon.

I personally would like to shop more from www.tesco.com. The prices are cheaper and ClubCard points are awarded which is more beneficial than commission. But SWMBO always wins. Catalogues such as Grattan and La Redoute are good but their refunds departments are not as good as Freemans. A couple of very good catalogues are Argos Direct and Additions Direct.

If anyone from Megabowl, Acton Vue is reading this we would like our GBP 2.50 refund. The fruit machines took our money and we were told that a refund would be given within a few days. Why take our name and address and telephone number if they were not going to pay up at all?

We saw gourmet food being sold on Qvc recently. This is a great idea providing that no leakage occurs. Freemans should adopt this policy for better sales. I like Ready Brek but my uncle has served more porridge than all of Sing Sing.

Does anyone remember the Trafford catalogues from the late 1960s and early 1970s? Leafing through the bikini pages sometimes lifts my depression.

SOMETHING HENPECKED

The catalogue is great for choosing wedding presents. Not that I get invited to any weddings myself.
I suppose the happiest day of my life was my wedding day. It was only spoilt by my mother passing most of our wedding gifts to her leeches of relatives. Shrodinger will avenge the hawkers and scavengers of Sukia Street. The advantage of a quick arranged marriage was that there was little time to pull out. A newspaper advert was put out lying about my credentials. About 120+ replies were received. I saw a handful of chicks before plucking one. I suppose my British passport was more attractive than my looks. I spent 9 (yes, nine) minutes chatting to my wifey before getting married 10 days later. In the 20th century the standard question used to be what caste are you? Now it is 'are you psychotic'? The honeymoon certainly gave a different slant to the black hole of Kolkata.

The royal wedding will bring back a lot of memories. I had the day off school on 14/11/73 for Princess Anne's wedding. I can even remember the sunny weather that day. How many Ciaoers were born on Prince Charles's birthday? I remember seeing the Queen in 1967 opening Hull Royal Infirmary. I also waved to Princess Alexandra in Hull in 1970. She even waved back to me. I have always had a crush on her if the truth be known.

The Queen's popularity peaked for her Silver Jubilee celebrations in 1977. In 1975 we went on a coach tour of New York City. When passing through Times Square the guide said that the strip joints were owned by a prominent Briton. Not Freddie Bulsara? Nowadays when I think of the Queen I immediately think of Reginald Hercules Dwight? I think of myself as Samson. Bring on the Tom Jones groupies. Has Elton Welsby written any lyrics for his songs? The Elton track, which always affects me, is 'Someone saved my life tonight'. Life does imitate art.

Charlie will probably be feeling the hump before his wedding. To settle his nerves he may drink a cherry brandy and reach for a packet of fags. No doubt with his royal connections he gets Camel ciggies free of charge. He will tuck into his tiaramisu accompanied by 'Look Back in Anger'. (Only Paul Silverback is clever enough to understand that last dig).

CLOTHES HORSE

I am less into fashion and more into passion. David Bowie once had a hit with Fashion. Hercules may have sang about sartorial elegance although I don't know what that means. He should have released the US top ten hit 'Mama…' in the UK. The Royle family used to set fashion trends in the 1970s. After Princess Anne's hairstyles were criticised in the media she started wearing hats every time on TV. I still remember her appearance on Blue Peter with Valerie Singleton back in the early 1970s. Whatever happened to Patch the dog? Does anyone remember Rags the horse or the tortoise who was forever in hibernation or aestivation?

If my memory serves me right Princess Anne won the 1971 European showjumping championships and later the sports personality of the year. There may have been a 1973 Grand National runner 'Princess of the Camellias'. Hurricane Rock and Crisp were also runners. I lost money on 'Money Market' which came 7th. I have not had a ride since.

I guess that the Princess Royal had her thunder stolen by Diana's arrival. Diana became a fashion icon. I want to become a Ciao icon. I think that Diana was born the year before me. I just want to write a few words about that crash. Not that John Stevens will read any of my ops. He has less webbed feet than his daughter Rachel.

Looking at the crash scientifically and logically there is 99% certainty that nothing untoward happened. The missing 1% will probably resolve issues over the time. Time heals all wounds. But it can also be argued that 1% of sceptics comprise of conspiracy theorists and fantasists like me. This is my theory.

I was always amazed that most of us heard the news on a Sunday. Surely the maximum news impact was made on the day of rest. It is the most boring day of the week. The most interesting part is the Sunday half-hour show with Roger Royle on Radio 2 at 8.30 p.m. If we had heard about the crash on a weekday then there would have been less impact. I for one would have been more interested in the football than any bad news. In life it is better to do the right thing at the wrong time than vice versa. Having absorbed the shock all of that fateful Sunday there followed incessant media coverage for the next year. Any cover up would have been very difficult to uncover under these circumstances. Sunday is strangely named, as it is the only day where there is no Page 3 girl.

It amazed me how quickly the crash scene was cleared up. If the accident had taken place in the UK then the tunnel would have been closed for at least a week until every stone had been turned over. It was as if the crash was pre-planned and the clear up operation was designed to take place as quickly as possible. But the Paris Metro is quicker at cleaning up a person under a train than our tube.

James Bond is one of my role models in life. How he gets off with all those women while saving the world I shall never know? In 'Die Another Day' there were Chinese intelligence working as hotel workers. Perhaps this goes on in real life. Chambermaids are not what they used to be.

One shocking unconfirmed report was that the princess was still alive after the crash. When she asked for help the medics simply ignored her. If this far-fetched scenario did take place who were the medics? Another analogy is the scene in 'The Living Daylights' where the Russian is kidnapped by helicopter by fake medics from the country house.

The moving people's princess speech by tuberculosis, husband of citizen band, temporarily saved the day. It was a brilliant googly by Crystal Tipps and Alistair Sol Campbell soup. Otherwise we could be sliding towards a banana republic. (Old Boomtown Rats hit)

The only unresolved fact in my mind is if the Royle family was involved? There is no evidence that they did not know. Secrets make you sick. To paraphrase mathematical catastrophe theory every chain has a weak link. Who is the weakest link? Did anyone know of the crash in advance? Who will believe my wondrous stories? Rick Wakeman? Was Nina Carter ever a Page 3 girl? What is name of the car credit company featuring the blonde in the yellow and green overalls? I'll have whatever Meg Ryan eats as Sally. Finally always say yes to a schizophrenic.

I just want to empty my mind of far-fetched junk. Marilyn Monroe was murdered. The British knew about Coventry in WW2. The Americans knew about Pearl Harbour (Becks and Josh). Elvis was alive when he died (Chai medallion to aunt, private jet missing). Aliens exist. Adrian Chiles would make the best PM on May 5th.

Back to Freemans now. My wife rightly buys loads of new clothes before we go on holiday. Before she buys the whole catalogue I should mention that this summer we are going on a naturist holiday.

Thanks for reading.

Happy catalogue shopping.

Ciao for now.

Paul xxx

UPDATED February 2006

PRIZE DRAWS

Every few months Freemans sends us mini-catalogues which supplement the main Spring/Summer or Autumn/Winter catalogue. These mini-catalogues often contain a few bargains which are welcome.

Along with these mini-catalogues, other items are also attached. Most of these are junk mail which I keep for my regular trips to the recycle bin. The most annoying item is a letter stating that we have won a prize draw. All we have to do is to ring a telephone number to claim a prize.

The fact that we did not enter the prize draw in the first place grates on one's mind. On closer inspection of the small print, this prize draw phone call costs a whopping GBP 1.50 per minute which is a rip-off.

Sales from catalogue shopping has dropped GBP 23M in the past year. Presumably the main benefactors from this slump are the home shopping TV channels and internet shopping sites. Freemans' prize draw is merely a scam to generate more money from unsuspecting customers. Certainly my brand loyalty has dipped as a result of these prize draws which should be scrapped.

Back in the 1960s and 1970s I really enjoyed Christmases. Nowadays everything is so commercialised and the festive holiday season seems to be a chore. Perhaps I should change my middle name to Scrooge!

Just after the holidays we used to receive large prize draw packets from Readers Digest. We were always guaranteed a prize. Some envelopes even contained a plastic key which was a replica of the actual key of the car prize draw.

There were envelopes marked A and B which had to be returned with a few forms. The biggest prize we ever won was a tiny teaspoon. I suspect that there were fewer prizes available than prize winners. The main purpose of the prize draws was to sign up subscribers to Readers Digest.

FATHER TIME

I am usually game for a chat with anyone. I love being gobby. I usually chat with the Freemans courier who delivers items to us. A few months back I had an intesting chat with a courier who was a Cypriot. He told me that today was his last day at work before retiring. His children had all grown up and he was free to spend his time as he wished. I guess no-one can avoid the ravages of father time.

A few years ago I met a lovely Cypriot girl from Limassol called Sarah. She can pit my kalamata olives any time!

The Freemans couriers do a great job. It is a very physically demanding job. It must be tough driving through London all day and finding parking spaces. Sometimes I feel guilty ordering so much stuff fom the catalogue. I do feel chastened at giving the couriers extra work just to pander to my wishes.

Are all male Indian dance teachers gay?

 

...less