Hello, Cruel World - Kate Bornstein

...This is why I approached Hello, Cruel World with bemusement and a heavy dollop of cynicism: how on Earth can there be ANY alternative to suicide when you’re feeling suicidal, let alone 101?

I was pleasantly surprised to find a smart, sassy book by a smart, sassy author that deals with suicide honestly and responsibly. Kate Bornstein has experienced suicidal thoughts and has suffered a lot of animosity – not least because she was born ...
...someone, seeing your doctor, etc. Hello, Cruel World is designed for people who either don’t have these conventional sources of help available to them, or find that they actually don’t help, or those of us who could use some extra help alongside the traditional routes of therapy and medication.

All of the 101 alternatives are indexed and rated according to ease of use, safety and effectiveness. There are also age ratings to show which ... more

If you’re considering suicide, chances are you’ve thought about your other options and therefore the mere idea of there being alternatives to suicide seems ludicrous. After all, most of us consider death as a last resort rather than the first port of call when we’re feeling down, right? This is why I approached Hello, Cruel World with bemusement and a heavy dollop of cynicism: how on Earth can there be ANY alternative to suicide when you’re feeling suicidal, let alone 101?

I was pleasantly surprised to find a smart, sassy book by a smart, sassy author that deals with suicide honestly and responsibly. Kate Bornstein has experienced suicidal thoughts and has suffered a lot of animosity – not least because she was born male, had a ‘sex change’ and discovered that she is neither male nor female. This is what qualifies Kate to write a book aimed at ‘teens, freaks and other outlaws’ – she has been considered, by herself and others, to be all three. She has overcome her problems to become a successful author and aims to help people who are going through what she has experienced.

After reading those first two paragraphs, you’re probably thinking that this isn’t your average book on suicide and – thankfully – you’re right. However, Kate doesn’t eschew the tried-and-tested conventional sources of help. In fact, she highly recommends phoning help lines, seeking therapy, joining 12 step groups, talking to someone, seeing your doctor, etc. Hello, Cruel World is designed for people who either don’t have these conventional sources of help available to them, or find that they actually don’t help, or those of us who could use some extra help alongside the traditional routes of therapy and medication.

All of the 101 alternatives are indexed and rated according to ease of use, safety and effectiveness. There are also age ratings to show which methods must not be attempted by anyone over 50 (which Kate is), which methods have adult supervision recommended and which need you to be accompanied by a youth for. While these ratings are presented in a fun way, they do have a serious element to them and Kate warns against using the alternatives that rate low on the safety scale – these are the options that are preferable to suicide, but still dangerous. The main point of Hello, Cruel World is to keep people alive and Kate believes that this is paramount and should be done by embracing any means possible. There is only one rule in this book: DON’T BE MEAN!

As Kate says in the blurb, “I wrote this book to help you stay alive because I think the world needs more kind people in it, no matter who or what they are, or do”. We need to fight against the bullies, not let them win. I was skeptical, but I can’t deny the truth in those words. And don’t be fooled: this is no over-sentimental liturgy on how life is always worth living and suicide isn’t really the answer. It’s an open, honest, extremely candid book that acknowledges your feelings and doesn’t undermine you with pithy phrases like “sleep on it – all will seem better tomorrow” and “things aren’t as bad as they seem”. It also tackles issues that similar books don’t, on account of its author being someone who has struggled in finding their gender identity, and includes everyone – whether you’re feeling suicidal because you’re suffering from abuse, bullying, an eating disorder, a lack of identity or something else. Even something you can’t quite put your finger on.

It’s uncompromisingly realistic, even acknowledging *shock, horror!* that many of these solutions are temporary and their main purpose is to delay suicide, whether it’s for just a few hours or for years. Kate Bornstein admits that she still has bad days when she needs to use these alternatives, and that’s what’s so refreshing – she isn’t pretending that any of these alternatives will magically solve all your problems. However, she does strongly recommend (and I concur) that you seek help from other sources, as well as the book, in the hope that you can overcome your suicidal feelings and be ‘cured’.

As I said, I was cynical, but all of the 101 alternatives to suicide make sense and a number of them will be helpful for me. Actually, I only finished reading the book today and have found a couple of them helpful already. This is a book (and author) that really thinks outside the box; alternatives include ‘Go On A Quest’, ‘Geek Out’, ‘Plead Insanity’, ‘Get Sort Of Clean And Sober’ and ‘Use The Wrong Tool For The Wrong Job’. Yes, some of those are as weird as they sound, but it doesn’t make them any less relevant to people who need them.

The alternatives I have already found useful are ‘Make A Longer-Range Plan’ and ‘Save The Whales, The Children Or The World’. These took the focus off how I was feeling in the moment and forced me to consider that there are better alternatives to death. Hell, at my worst points, it’s hard to realise that there are any alternatives at all! The advantage of there being 101 alternatives is that the law of averages dictates that at least one alternative will apply to you. You are not expected to try every single alternative (thank goodness!) and it’s not a programme that you must follow to the letter – you can pick and choose as you like.

Don’t be put off by the mention of teens on the cover – whilst I suspect that most of the readers are teens, Hello, Cruel World applies to people of all ages. The same principles apply whether you’re 15 or 50 and nobody will find it patronising or dismissive. Of course, the title and cover design (and the easy-to-read format) will appeal to teenagers and I thoroughly recommend that you buy a copy for any teenager that you know is going through a tough time – I wish I had this book when I was 14 – but believe me when I say that THIS WILL HELP YOU. Age is irrelevant, as Kate reiterates several times throughout the book.

There are few books that I’ve borrowed from the library and wanted to buy straightaway, and even fewer that I read only because I liked the title (I think this is the first, but I can’t be sure). The £9.99 RRP seemed excessive when I first picked it up, but now I realise it’s worth its weight in gold. Besides, it’s available for £6.49 on Amazon and I’ve wasted more money than that on ice cream before now! It’s simply an excellent book for people who are feeling suicidal, or even just depressed.

NOTE: If anyone reading this is worried about my mental state, please don’t be. I am suffering from depression (read about my experiences under the members’ advice on depression section, if you like), but I am also recovering. I am reviewing this book as an accompaniment to the traditional help I am currently receiving and recommend that anyone in the same position does the same. Thank you. 

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