Sitting in front of me, on my desk, is this week’s issue of Hello! Magazine. Staring back at me off the flat page is an image of Princess Margaret. ‘The Nation Mourns,’ the cover tells me, under the ever-increasing £1.85 price tag.
For the very few of you who do not now, I must explain what Hello! Magazine is! Well, it’s called Hello! Magazine, so guess. Right, it’s a magazine. It contains all the latest gossip on what are supposed to be high profile celebrities, but that’s open to discussion.
It is [and always has been as far as I can remember] at war with OK! Magazine, just to set the scene. They are both what would be called ‘Woman’s Weeklies,’ but some men do enjoy flicking through the glossy pages.
Publishers…
Hello! is published every week and is actually printed in Spain and shipped over by Iberia Airlines. Hello’s parent company, Hola! also runs a magazine in Spain, so you can imagine that their magazine name department was feeling particularly imaginative when they came to the UK.
They flog the once-prestigious rag at the rather hefty sum of £1.85, and, as they often say when talking about naughty teenagers, it is available at all bad magazine stores. Before looking through this week’s edition we must talk about a few things.
The Competitor…
If Victoria and David Beckham were to get a divorce, and they wanted to make a huge amount of money from the occasion, they would have two options. They are: a. Call Hello! Magazine. b. Call OK! Magazine. Interestingly, both titles include exclamation marks.
Hello! was always regarded as the cooler, more celeb-stuffed, star studded publication but I am not sure if this is any more a fact. As you will read in a moment, the quality of content in Hello! Magazine has declined in recent years.
Whereas, OK! always had the more ‘common’ celebrities – more like Vanessa Feltz. But since they have been prepared to dish out more cash for exclusive rights to events, they have massively improved and I do believe overtaken Hello!.
Just in case I have picked up the wrong copy of Hello! from my [wife’s…] magazine rack, this is number 701, and dated. Oh, sorry, I mean it’s dated February 19 2002. The cover also announces a 56-page tribute to Margaret.
As you open the magazine on to its first page, you expect to see lovely colourful pictures of ‘celebrities.’ Oh yes, star of ‘Call My Bluff,’ Bob Holness is more the kind of guy that would get most of the attention in the magazine these days.
As I was saying, you open the magazine. The site that greets you is not a pretty one. No pictures of Miss Kournikova or any other top celebrities, but more of Estee Lauder’s latest offering – a specially transforming moisturizer. Right…
Turning Over…
You go on to the next page. This is were the true celebrities lie. Page
five in Hello! Magazine. Oh yes, it’s the most sensational, most wonderful event of the year – in fact, it’s a royal wedding! You think you have missed something? Think again…
This is the extremely important, and utterly unmissable royal event of the year – Price Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands is tying the know with Maxima Zorreguieta. I would feel deprived if I had not seen the pictures of this occasion.
Just glancing to the left of page five, you can see the most horrendous picture of some guy [I have yet to work out who he is] giving the cheesiest grin to the cameras if ever there was a cheesy grin. Not a flattering picture.
So, we move on to the next page, and we can see a picture of the mad woman marrying the mad man with squinting eyes. It seems that he can’t quite see the ring he is slipping on to the Argentinean’s finger. Diamond that small, is it mate?
Right, well, soppy pictures of the event along with pictures and a whole two pages dedicated to the fact that prince Charles turned up carry on for another… what… let me see… sixteen pages and we finally reach page nineteen, and it’s all over.
No, wait, there’s another page! It’s the final photo, the reporting’s over – just a last picture, along with a few other snaps, including one of Prince Charles pretending he hasn’t noticed that a photographer is taking pictures of him.
Yes, another man of extreme significance to us has made it in to the edition. As the caption reads, ‘Trouble brews for Europe’s oldest royal family as the Queen’s consort declares he feels pushed to the sidelines.’ Obviously the main story at ten tonight…
We have a picture of him on page 23 sitting outside a stone building and below an image of him standing with his wife gazing out over a foggy hill, in a blue T-shirt with a dirty collar. He also looks rather fat and in need of a diet.
Fortunately, we are spared of thinking that we have wasted our money too much as the article comes to a close. Page 24 – time for another advert. This time, it’s for Very Valentino – which apparently offers the ultimate seduction for men.
Next Article…
For those of you who don’t know, and who don’t recognise the name, Jan Anderson used to play a depressed nurse, Chloe Hill, in BBC1’s Casualty. Still none the wiser? Well, that’s fine, because to be honest, neither am I.
The article tells us that Jan’s character had become boring, and apparently boring was not Chloe’s style, and according to the article, the girl was supposed to be more fiery and passionate. Rachel, leaning over my shoulder, disagrees.
From the depressingly oversized picture of her lying on a bed in a rather skimpy pink dress we can safely say that she has dyed her hair – to a nasty tone which matches rather nicely, however, with her skimpy dress.
Well, the boredom continues for five pages – very little compared with the wedding, but at least we got something somewhat british and not another lot of royal weddings in Borneo or wherever which don’t seem to matter much over here.
And guess what? We have an advert, which [no offence only joke intended] is obviously aimed at the majority of the magazine’s readership. Yes, would you like some NEW! Nivea Visage Anti-Wrinkle Q-10 cream?
Diary of the Week…
Page 32 brings us to the regular feature of some of the week’s celebrity stories in brief. A quick glance across the page has shown how ignorant I am – I don’t recognise any of the faces. Or maybe the editor of the page knows too many?
Just one page and they manage to complete this brief affair, which is just as well, and by now you are desperately hoping that you have not wasted your money and that you will actually get some news on PROPER celebrities…
Page 34 brings us on to ‘Panorama,’ whose aim I’ve never really understood. It has a poor copy of the BBC’s Panorama symbol for a logo and has some brief articles on MORE brief celebrity stories. STOP! I see a celeb! WOW!
This page has brought us HALF a picture of a REAL famous person! We can see Martina Hingis and Sergio Garcia driving together in a car after they were ‘snapped enjoying a break near Sergio’s home on Spain’s Mediterranean coast.’
Page 35, and guess what? Another advert. This time, Boots are trying to sell us THEIR anti-ageing cream. I really think that the publishers of the magazine are trying to tell us something here. Why a young woman in the picture though?
This Week…
And if read in OK! Magazine, you would call this page a copy of ‘Diary of the Week.’ We find small passport photos of some proper celebrities and Princess Madeleine, and a brief summary of what the folk have been up to to merit an appearance in Hello!
Page. 37. Guess again. Another Boots advert.
Inside Story…
Yes, we’ve reached page 38. Here we are greeted by what is very similar to This Week, except using larger pictures. This magazine gets slightly difficult to write about when you have to keep repeating the same thing! Page 39: Ad for hellomagazine.com
Inside Story then carries on after the advert and has the terrible capacity to bore us up to page… 44. But there is some PROPER celebrity news which IS a relief so perhaps your precious £1.85 hasn’t been wasted after all.
I think you have got the general idea of how the magazine works now. Oh, by the way, there’s another advert on page 46, this time for a car, and that advert is next to the contents page. I’ll tell you about the contents now.
What’s In Hello…
Star Interviews: Jan Anderson, Philip Franks and Valerie Singleton.
Features: The ‘Wedding of the Year,’ Prince Henrik, Liz Hurley, Will Young, Mark Austin, Evening Standard British Film Awards.
Regulars: Diary of the Week, Panorama, This Week, Inside Story, Mind Games, Cinematters, Nicky Haslam’s Beautiful People, The World In Pictures, Fashion, Beauty, Travel and Cookery.
One thing you do notice is that the quality of interviews and celebrities does improve once you’re past the contents page, which seems very strange to me. Another thing I don’t understand is why they don’t have the contents at the front of the mag.
Mind Games…
At last we have reached one of the only decent parts of the magazine. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not a person who will do every crossword he will come across but there are some interesting games in the magazine. Let’s have a look at them.
Initial Reaction…
Every week, there is a different letter. This week, it was W. There are eleven clues, which when deciphered will give a word beginning with W. You have to find the word in the grid of letters above. All the unused letters should spell another word.
X-Word…
Well, unfortunately this is just a sneaky name to hide the fact that it is actually a crossword, and that is the inescapable truth. There are lots of clues and the answers to the clues have to be written in to a grid to form a grid of answers to the clues.
What’s the Connection…
A number of words are given, and you basically have to work out the link between them. These are usually very obscure links, sorry to those who were trying to work it out but this week’s answer is that they are all first words in titles of Shakespeare plays…
Roundabouts…
Look at the clue. Unscramble the six anagrams, which should relate to the clue and write the first letter of the solution in the section provided. You should get another anagram in the sections, which when unscrambled should also relate to the clue.
Trio-Teasers…
You are given nine 9-letter words and your task is to work out which three letters are missing in the middle of each one so that you complete the word. Then, reading down the marked line, you should get another nine-letter word.
All the answers to that week’s game page are provided in the same issue, which is useful so that you don’t have to go out and waste your money again next week if you don’t like the magazine. Good news for me then. The next page has an ad for anti-ageing pills.
Princess Margaret…
On page fifty, as well as the additional ‘life in pictures’ supplement dedicated to her, we have a powerful image of Princess Margaret’s coffin leaving the mortuary under the large heading: ‘Princess Margaret begins her last journey.’
There is five pages of coverage of the event of her death. One thing that Hello can receive praise for, however, is the separate supplement. If there is a significant event, then you can bet that Hello! Magazine will print a ‘life in pictures’ supplement.
Page 55 brings us an advert for Vodafone, and for their Valentine’s service. And once that is read a brief article on Liz Hurley covers those glossy pages. This is where the ‘7 Days’ supplement is attached to the magazine. More on that later.
Pop Idol…
We can turn through several pages of what is, I must say, at the risk of sounding sad, the touching story of Will. Hello! are careful to point out that Will’s reaction to winning was not a jump in the air, but a turn to opponent Gareth: ‘Are you OK mate?’
Pop Idol takes the pages of the magazine for sixteen more pages and may I say that I am pleased that at last we got something which deserved coverage. Once we have read about Will we can gaze at an advert – for Dulux paint.
Cinematters…
The Cinematters column comes next with information on awards and new films, and what’s hot in the film industry, but because they have to fill two pages with information on films, you get lots of irrelevant stuff and lots of ‘complete nobodies’ as my dad would say.
Well, after that there are only another few articles as well as the regular travel and cookery sections, so before I forget I must tell you about their regular pullout, the 7Days TV guide, probably the best and most accurate information Hello! offer.
7Days…
The 50-page, somewhat less glossy thing comes as part of Hello!, but whether it’s free or not I don’t know. The cover talks about Ocean’s Eleven and the magazine describes itself as ‘Your complete guide to what’s happening this week.’
Somewhat more sensibly than its parent, 7D as it will now be known has its contents on the first page within the magazine which is much more useful rather than having to flick around between pages to find that complaints address.
In each weekly edition, you can expect to find information on some celebrities as well as on property, interiors, music and books, shopping, restaurants, theatre, entertainment and events, films and videos as well as TV listings, soap information and horoscopes!
Information is clearly presented and I will agree that their pick of the day’s in the listings are about right, and there are useful guides and good write-ups on the shows which are on that week, so you’ll always know what to watch!
Hello! Presentation…
I didn’t really know where to put this paragraph, so I will say it here. I don’t really like the layout of Hello! Magazine. It looks as though it’s been put together in a hurry – there are lines everywhere and a rather dated font is used.
The layout is just not pleasing to the eye and the pictures are not enhanced by the dark and gloomy backgrounds of the pages, for which reason their 7D supplement looks much more appealing and of course contemporary.
Subscription…
Subscription to Hello costs about £50 for six months or £90 for a year if you live in the UK, and prices reach up to £180 for the rest of the world if you do not live in Europe and your copy of Hello! has to be sent by Air Mail.
Website…
Hello! Magazine’s website address is www.hellomagazine.com.
To Summarise…
Hello! Magazine is a favourite with many but not a favourite with me. There seems to be too much advertising and not enough news – the celebs are often little heard of people which to be honest, you really don’t care about. Good TV guide, but not recommended.
Thank you for reading, and I look forward to your feedback.
How helpful would this review be to a person making a buying decision? Rating guidelines
I find that flicking through the pages of Hello! etc at WH Smith does it for me these day....can't be bothered to buy it - oh hang on, did buy it the other week when Will was in it and a FREE bar of choc on the front - shallow or what? Another cracking op and shouldn't you rate on the op not the product (trakstarTudor?)
Feb 18th, 2002
very helpful by (98%):
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