Advantages Can be used to light fires or clean up, erm, accidents
Disadvantages Costs money and wastes precious ink and paper
I think I'm qualified to say that Hello! magazine is perhaps the worlds most intestine severing pile of buttwax ever rolled out of a four colour press anywhere in the world, outperforming even the most tiresome caravaning magazine in terms of vapidity (although it lacks the all-important tent peg reviews); yes, Hello! is appalling.I write so, because of a recurring nightmare of mine. It is in a Britain much like the one we are living in today. But with one fundamental difference. The stupid people have taken over. Yes. The management executives (who, for all their BMW's and Armani suits probably sneak a peek at Hello! when nobody is looking, then walk off saying things like "There's no I in team, you know" and "We need a paradigm shift for this business" even though when you quiz them about Thomas Kuhn they fob you off) and the fifteen year old McDonald's drive through girl blowing bubbles with some appalling pink gum combine in to some all-encompassing force of cruel stupidity.
Outlaws will be made of everybody. The next Anne Frank will be a literature student who has to try to hide a copy of War and Peace behind the cover of Hello magazine. There will be secret basements with biochemists trying to avoid the omniscient and penetrating gaze of Big Beckham. The concentration camps will be filled with philosophers and physicists. Academic journals will become one-man illict samizdat jobs, published on secret presses and distributed by masked men in back rooms of pubs. Libraries will take off and leave for the shores of the smart.Okay, I'm being a bit snobby and Orwellian here. But it's true.
Hello! magazine is appalling, trite nonsense. Inside it's pages it contains pictures of everybody I absolutely and totally abhor. Whether it's David Beckham or Sarah Ferguson, I can't think of the last person who adorned the pages of this glossy ulcer who I had even a modicum of interest in the life of.Hello! is linked inextricably with expensive hairdressers. I either go to a barbers (who charge about a fiver and do it in ten minutes) or to a friend (who charges about £7 and does it in fifteen). That's the typical bloke way of doing it. And you can talk about anything from footie to philosophy during those ten or fifteen minutes. But the places that you see Hello most often are the places that take an hour and charge you fifty quid. I mean, bugger that. The fact that you have to sit there and, usually, peruse Hello! while you wait just puts me off. I mean, I take books to hairdressers / barbers now if I have to wait. I'd much rather be found hiding behind Orwell or Nietzsche than flipping through this rag.
I mean, for crying out loud, the fact that I can search BBC News Online and get results for "footballers' wives" is dreadful. Admittedly, one of the stories was about how Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, was calling for people not to watch the ITVprogramme because it's shallow and materialist (all the while saying he rather liked The Simpsons).Is this all our culture is able to create?
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