Hogfather - Terry Pratchett > Reviews > Millennium Hand and Shrimp

Author's product rating:   

Would you listen to it again?	Absolutely
Story	Outstanding
Characters	Outstanding
Listenability	Once you start it, you won't be able to switch it off!
How does it compare to similar audio books?	Excellent
How does it compare to audio works by the same author?	Excellent

Advantages:	DEATH, a warped Assassin, and real honest to god boars
Disadvantages:	The Cheerful Fairy .  .  . seriously, weaker sub - plot, VERY seasonal, so best read at Christmas time

Recommend to potential buyers:

yes

Full review

Do you believe? Do you REALLY believe? Oh, I don’t mean belief about the world – we all KNOW the Discworld is a disc (duh!) resting on four elephants, which in turn stand on the shell of the great A’Tuin – that’s not a matter of belief – that’s fact. No, what I mean is do you BELIEVE, as children believe. The tooth fairy exists (actually, several of them – too many children and too many teeth – so there’s now a franchise.). And, most particularly, so does the Hogfather – sitting on his sleigh, pulled by four pigs (or, perhaps boars…every legend has its beginning…which usually involves blood) every Hogwatchnight, distributing presents to GOOD boys and girls.

However, THIS Hogswatch, something is amiss. For one, the Hogfather seems a bit…well…on the slim side. Skeletal, you might even say. And oddly, seems to speak IN CAPITALS. His elf looks a bit ropey, too. And the pigs…well, ‘piggies’ is not an apt word for them.

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The Plot(s)
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You may have gathered that Hogfather, the 20th instalment in the Discworld series, is about…the Discworld’s equivalent to Christmas. Sort of.

You may even have gathered that DEATH is involved. You’d be right. But like much of Pratchett’s work, things are a wee bit more complicated than that.

The Auditors are back. Remember them? The grey, robed beings that always speak in the plural, for they loathe life and individuality. And belief is truly chaotic. So…something must be done.

Enter the assassins. After the Auditors pay a visit to the head of the Assassins (and incidentally pay the Guild a substantial sum of money…in plain, solid gold discs), Lord Downey assigns Mr Teatime (pronounced, as he often insists, Te-ah-time-eh) to the…inhuming. Mr Teatime is…odd. Disturbed would be a better word.

You see, it is so much easier to kill belief when the object of that belief is eliminated. And as it is children who believe, as a rule, without questioning, and with true conviction, if you control the children, you control the belief. And, as anyone with even a passing interest in magic (and voodoo) knows, is that if you get a body part (such as a tooth), you gain control. After all, what DOES the tooth fairy DO with all those teeth?

DEATH cares (remember Reaper Man?). Since the Hogfather seems to be…missing, it’s only logical (!) that DEATH should assume his duties. Of course, the pillow under his suit barely gives him a belly – hardly a fat one. And it’s a real chore to get a fake beard to stay on when you haven’t got any ears. Nevertheless, DEATH makes sure that he, as the Hogfather is seen. For seeing is believing.

Death’s granddaughter, Susan, who is now a governess (wielding a mean poker – keeps the monsters and bogeymen at bay. And it works), is also involved. She is human…mostly. It is up to her to save the Hogfather, and make sure the sun rises. (Confused? You will be).

Meanwhile, as children are ceasing to believe in the Hogfather (“he’s just your dad”), there’s loads of spare belief sloshing around. The wizards at the Unseen University are discovering this the hard way. Who SAID there couldn’t be a Verruca Gnome? And if there’s a god of wine, why not one of hangovers (actually, Bilious is an ‘oh god’…as in ‘oh god, I feel awful’)?

And there’s the Tooth Fairy’s home – the original Tooth Fairy. But the sky is so odd…and since when is a stream REALLY blue, and fish don’t swim on TOP of the water, do they? (Hint, think small child’s drawing). And all those little TEETH…

Oh…and don’t forget Foul Ole Ron (favourite quotes – ‘Buggrit. Millennium Hand and Shrimp’. The dog makes more sense. Really), Duck Man (‘What duck?’), Arnold Sideways and the rest. For once, they will eat like kings.

And remember, most legends have their origins in blood. And sometimes their conclusions.

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The Review
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Oh, I DO like DEATH. A seven-foot skeleton, dressed as the Hogfather. DEATH cares about the living, and genuinely likes people. OK, he struggles a bit with the HO. HO. HO. But he means well. And as usual, he has some of the best, and most poignant lines, and scenes.

Take the little match girl. “’AND WHAT DOES SHE WANT FOR HOGWATCH? HO. HO. HO…’ Something small dropped into his hand. ‘This,’ said Albert. ‘OH.’ There was a moment of horrible silence as they both stared at the lifetimer. ‘You’re for life, not just for Hogswatch,’ prompted Albert…’BUT THIS IS HOGSWATCHNIGHT…’That’s how it goes Master. Master?’ NO. Death stood up. THIS IS HOW IT SHOULDN’T GO.”

Whereas once (in Mort), Death told us that to change the fate of one person would change the world, after the events of Reaper Man, Death has realised that sometimes, one person IS the world. One person matters.

The climax of the book has Susan, DEATH and the Auditors battling over the fate of the Hogfather. Death tells the Auditors (currently in the shape of hounds), “ALL THOSE SENSES, WIDE OPEN TO EVERY FRAGMENT OF THE WORLD. THAT BEATING HEART, THAT RUSH OF BLOOD. CAN YOU NOT FEEL IT, DRAGGING YOU BACK?” Death understands life, perhaps even better than the living.

Well, that’s (more or less), the first plot. The second plot, involving excess belief-sloshing and the wizards is amusing. It’s the bit where you are more likely to snigger. But…it doesn’t resonate with me in the same way the doings with Susan, Death, and the baddies (Teatime, Medium Dave, Banjo, Chickenwire et al) do. After all, why has no-one asked the question, what happens to those teeth? And…who would you rather run into…a seven foot tall skeleton, or a disturbed and warped young man, whose open face hides a truly deviant mind. DEATH is more human than many people. For, you see, the poker goes straight through DEATH, but kills the monster. Even the children (Twyla and Gwaine, poor kids, what were their parents thinking) know THAT.

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The Recommendation
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After Reaper Man, this is possibly my favourite Discworld novel. DEATH the character is superb – well drawn, with some of the best lines in the series. Again, Pratchett teaches us lessons, without us realising that’s what he’s doing. We are wrapped in the story, laughing at the weeing pigs in the department store, and Death’s pathetic attempt to be jolly, and holly, and other words ending in –olly. And yet…

What is belief? Oh, and I’m not talking necessarily about belief in a god. Do you think you have no faith in anything? Really? Susan thinks DEATH is claiming “‘humans need…fantasies to make life bearable.’ REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE. ‘Tooth fairies? Hogfathers?…’ YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES. ‘So we can believe the big ones?’ YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY…”

You see, the EASY answer is that ‘humans need fantasies to make life bearable’. But there’s never an easy answer.

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The End
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“‘…Why did you do all this? I THINK IT’S SOMETHING TO DO WITH HARVESTS, he said at last. YES. THAT’S RIGHT. AND BECAUSE HUMANS ARE SO INTERESTING THAT THEY HAVE EVEN INVENTED DULLNESS. QUITE ASTONISHING.”

And from me, happy Hogswatchnight, Millennium hand and shrimp.

Cheers,
Kate