Homebase (Shop)

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On first approach, Homebase is reasonably accessible. They usually have a good sized parking lot (although my local one is designed on the Labyrinth principle - the "nope, I can't drive through there" approach). For some reason however, they haven't been able to settle on a uniform entrance approach, and I frequently find myself trying to get in through the exit doors, as I flit between two different HBs with different entrance ...
...areas.

Homebase stock (just in case you don't know), Hardware, Power tools (mwa ha ha...), Lights and electrical fittings, television and telephone bits and bobs, Paint and decorating stuff, Wood and trim, flooring and tiles, doors, doorframes, bathroom fittings and accessories, homewares (kitchen stuff to you and me), garden plants and seeds, garden equipment, garden food and poisons (not that my weeds seem to be the least bit bothered ... more

Ah Homebase... there's one of the little green fellas not too far away from you, no matter where you are.

I have suddenly had much call to visit DIY superstores of all shapes and sizes. This is due to purchasing a flat with my wifee to be. She asks for little, just a complete redecoration job :-)

So, I now make regular visits to Homebase, B&Q and Wickes to purchase bits, pieces and things that go buzz...

On first approach, Homebase is reasonably accessible. They usually have a good sized parking lot (although my local one is designed on the Labyrinth principle - the "nope, I can't drive through there" approach). For some reason however, they haven't been able to settle on a uniform entrance approach, and I frequently find myself trying to get in through the exit doors, as I flit between two different HBs with different entrance configurations.

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Layout
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Once you get inside the store, you realise that the labyrinth guy has been at work here too. Although the stores appear well laid out, with nice big signs indicating the different sections, you often cannot find the section you want, and the signs line up fairly abitrarily with areas.

Homebase stock (just in case you don't know), Hardware, Power tools (mwa ha ha...), Lights and electrical fittings, television and telephone bits and bobs, Paint and decorating stuff, Wood and trim, flooring and tiles, doors, doorframes, bathroom fittings and accessories, homewares (kitchen stuff to you and me), garden plants and seeds, garden equipment, garden food and poisons (not that my weeds seem to be the least bit bothered by them), bar-b-ques and garden furniture, air conditioning units and fans, patio heaters, batteries, and all the other bits and bobs you expect to find in a DIY shop.

The complication comes when you don't know which section something is in.

For example, I spent much time cruising around my local store in Walton, seeking Aerial wall sockets. In electrical? No. Finally I find them - in the lighting department. Of course! Where else would you put them? I usually turn on all my lights using the television set... AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!

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Co-ordination
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A second problem often occurs when trying to do a job around the house, that of a complete lack of coordination by whoever does the job of restocking at Homebase.

I have been laying a laminate floor for the last week, and admittedly this was purchased from B&Q. However I thought I would get some doodads for the doorway. A laminate to laminate seperator or two and some laminate to carpet and laminate to kitcheny tile type surface doodads.

Homebase was loaded up with laminate flooring, kitchen flooring, bathroom flooring... you name it. BUT (dum da dum dum daaaaaaaaaaaa!) do they have matching door doodads? NO THEY DO NOT. Beech flooring available by the mile. Just don't try to do the doorway.

Ho hum.

I also thought I would purchase some lighting (it was after all 20% off "family" evening. Family? Take the kids to a DIY store... are they MAD?

Anyway, I digress...

I found some rather nice lighting. A Taku triple light floor lamp with matching ceiling tripod lamp. Both were on display. The floor lamp was dear... £99. But I thought, what the heck. Found a ceiling light, boshed it in the trolley. How foolish of me to think that they would keep the floor light in stock.

I look back now and laugh at my naivete. Ha ha. Ho ho. Of course the &@@£%^$3 lamp wasn't in stock. Mind you they forgot to mention on the display that it was now reduced to £39.99 (wahey!! lets have two!).

At this point in time, a stroke of genius hit me - doink.

i toddled over to the "orders" counter, and was able to order two of the blighters with the 20% discount. Hoorah!

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Customer Service
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Ordering the lights took some time. In order to work in Homebase there appears to be a stringent recruitment policy. Staff must posess an inate ability to use the word "init", as in "we aint got nuffink aht back, init". Staff must work as slowly as possible and try to ignore as may people as possible.

When the store is busy it is vital that all of the staff disappear and only one checkout be opened.

Most importantly, you should not know anything about the products you are selling. DIY expertise is not to be found at Homebase.

Anyway, after about 30 minutes of watching a hearing impaired lady trying vainly to explain to the amoeba behind the counter that all she wanted was someone to carry a rather large and heavy item to her car, and watching another chap trying in vain to get an air conditioning unit, I finally managed to order the light. Mind you she did try several times to use the wrong light gun to scan my discount voucher. Ho hum.

Another customer service policy I have discovered is that all that big heavy stuff is just a pain in the neck so, if you can't be bothered, put an out of order sign on the wood cutting service.

I needed MDF, and I needed it to fit in my car. On the day I wanted to buy it the cutting service was repotrly broken. BROKEN? BROKEN? I telephoned days later to be told it was mended. I walk in - the "broken" sign is still up. I enquire and Mr Lazy Git, after being kicked up the wotsit by a senior member of staff who detected the agitation level of the customer was high, walked to the cutting are to chop up some board for me.

He made it quite clear that I was asking a great deal, with lots of heavy sighs, ho-hummings and grumpiness. How dare a customer ask for a service to be provided. Blooming cheek!

The employment criteria most essential to the job of customer service however, is stealth training.

If you ever try looking for someone, in the vain hope that they might be able to tell you where that elusive doodad is or whether there might be one in stock that was just too heavy or inconvenient to consider putting on the shelf more than once a week, you will not find one.

In fact, most of the time if you approach a customer help point you will be lucky to find someone. Maybe they are all searching for items "aht back". My personal theory is that they are genetic mutations and capable, like the chameleon, of blending in to the background (is it a coincidence that the natural colour of the chamelone and the homebase employee is green?).

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Price
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Homebase can be pretty pricey, but they do have discount days and suchlike. Generally, B&Q have the same items but for a few quid less.

Actually buying something is a whole different obstacle. Homebase usually have a reasonable number of checkouts (between 6 and 10 in the ones I visit). The catchis that only one of those checkouts will EVER be open. Very occasionally (the manager's birthday?) a second or even a third will be opened, but only when there are so many customers that there is a risk of riot.

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Product Quality
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Homebase have a line of "value" products called "Homebase Essentials". These are cheap and cheerful and guaranteed to last a 3rd as long as the expensive one you could have bought.

Most products are stored and displayed conveniently, although a huge number do appear to have been delivered by Parcel Force with that trademark "kicked about" look. Generally I have found that if I pick a box that looks like it's not done too many rounds with Lennox Lewis, the product inside seems to be in one piece and unmarked.

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Summary
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Homebase is a stockist of DIY stuff. However all stores are laid out differently (if we can confuse, we will - Homebase motto) and the only consistent features of all stores are staff who know next to nothing (other than the opening hours of burger king and when it is grammatically correct to use the word Innit) and shelves which contain everything but the item you actually want to purchase - unless said item has been beaten into submission or used as a prop by Hulk Hogan.

It would be so easy to make them into great places to shop, but I suspect this will not happen. They also tend to be more expensive than their rivals unless you find a day when they are doing lots of nice discounts.

But, I have to say, if you can avoid them - do so. They need to try a LOT harder.

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Other info
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Opening Hours are usually from 8am to 8pm, except Sundays which are 11am to 5pm, but this can vary depending on location.

To find your local branch, nip to www.homebase.co.uk and click on the store finder. 

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