If I'm So Wonderful Why am I Still Single - Susan Page

The humorous title attracted me to this book, well that’s my excuse for picking it up at the library. But then I recognized the neuro-linguistic programming basis of some of its content and, sure enough, Susan Page turns out to be a life coach from California with surprisingly a Master of Divinity degree. However, the theological background makes no impressionable mark, as far as I can tell on her exposé of how you should tackle the business of getting yourself a partner, if that is your true intention in the first place.

The author firstly gives a brief historical background to American society’s sea change from the “old nuclear family idea”, via “experimental living together” in the sixties, to the ultimate goal of freedom. This is where both men and women strive to gain affluence in order to enjoy egoistic consumerism and total independence and self-sufficiency at the cost of intimacy and relationships.

In the author’s view nowadays singledom has replaced the idealism of partnership. Love is no longer the all-consuming endeavour of individuals. [What a condemnation of our times!] It has been replaced by the competitiveness of the business world where to be wary of others is essential. Selfish egoism has undermined former skills of commitment to meet the needs of another and to nurture the welfare of a beloved one.

What I like about this book is that the author tells you honestly and directly that one must be focused and purposefully determined to obtain one’s heart’s desire. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a cold-hearted plotter but rather that you cannot go into a romantic chase half-heartedly. The same can be said of anything you want in life, you must not only go fishing but also persevere until you have landed that particular fish. Once you have landed it, it might not turn out to be the right one for you but at least you have done your best. Perseverance is this author’s magic word.

Her own experience unveils the truth behind the seemingly puzzling conundrum of why singles find it hard to find love. She exposes the “hidden ambivalence” about what you really feel concerning singledom which alone sabotages your search for love. The first exercise you complete will reveal whether you are single-minded about the search for a relationship or whether you are not prepared to give up the selfish state of living alone. Or worse still, continuing to accept being stuck with a dead-end lover, instead of learning how to say no to a “better than nothing relationship”.

This is truly the first self-help book that I have found appealing with its humorous style in dealing seriously with the subject matter with genuine helpful innovative tactics on how to think clearly about all aspects of relationships. Susan Page has conducted workshops for singles and couples since 1980, and, this has helped her to intersperse the exercises with true anecdotes from individuals whose life experiences support the teachings.

Indeed reading through it, one can conceive the possibility of using the tips given about romantic relationships for any other situation in which one might find oneself in need of some self-help. After all, the advice is very commonsensical and based on sound psychological understanding of the human interaction with today’s society. If you have several options all of which may be good and right, then making a good decision even though you are still ambivalent, at least it means you have made a decision, whether it is to have a partner, move house, or take up a new career.

Even though there are plenty of exercises that help you check and monitor your progress and if not, then put you back on track, there is one great drawback, if you are truly on your own. You are encouraged to have a friend who is willing to give you true feedback. Now if you are truly alone where do you find this mythical true-blue friend, in the first place? A self-help book should be a book where the author expects the reader to be working on their problems on their own, with only the author to give the reader the impetus to attain that illusive goal in their life. But this is not the case. So, if any of you, dear readers, are on your own, and may think you can achieve your goal under your own steam with only this book as a guide…all I can say is best of luck to you, and more power to your elbow! I would suggest that you do read just for a chuckle or two, and maybe, even a tip or two.

At the very end of the book, the author, being an American, obligingly provides you with a detailed plan of how to set up your own support group. However, I feel that this does demand some research to find out if there are enough people around wanting to participate in a self-help group and to meet at a time and place acceptable to all. Having had the experience of joining a carers’ group, I know this project would demand a lot of energy, patience and time to organise for a very small group of like-minded people, without any real notion if it will take off and continue, as people naturally will move on. Out in America, I believe people are more gregarious and willing to give self-starters support, whereas over here you do need a well-established network of friends before ever considering setting up a voluntary support group of any sort.

Oh, and by the way a word of warning from the author… “serious self-exploration is never a painless process.” I have been through it with a very generous, kind-hearted and genuine pal, who has seen me through thick and thin, and I believe she has helped me come out the other side a better and happier person. I owe her a great deal and can only wish I can do as much for her, whenever she needs me. I cannot thank her enough for sticking by me in spite of all my misdemeanours. She is one in a million!

“If I’m so wonderful why am I still single” is published by Piatkus,
ISBN Number: 0 7499 2460 8 – price £7.99