... I went to work for a half day (and, I'm not ashamed to admit that while there I did quite a bit of hiding in a cupboard so that I wouldn't be asked to help with setting out the buffet) and then, buoyed up by party food and a paper cup of shandy, I decided to go to Ikea.
I don't know ... Read review
Advantages: Reasonably cheap, wide range of stock. Disadvantages: You have to make the stuff yourself.
...I was thinking. The Ikea in Belfast has only been open a fortnight or so, and people are still a bit new-fangled with it. Also, it's three days before Christmas, which seems to be all the motivation some people need to cram all the small, whiny, snotty-nosed children they can find into a mega-big car and bring them to a very large homewares shop in order to have a public row with their partner and then slap aforementioned irritating children around ... ...have any awareness of what Ikea is will now be chuckling gently at my foolish optimism. More of my experiences later, though. First we'll have a bit of history, shall we? (NB. Some or all of the history may be made up, because actually researching stuff is quite tedious.)
Ikea is a Swedish firm that's named after a giant who was made entirely out of sofas. It was established…ooh, ages ago by two men known as 'Ike' and 'A'. ... more
Want to know what I did today? Course you do. I went to work for a half day (and, I'm not ashamed to admit that while there I did quite a bit of hiding in a cupboard so that I wouldn't be asked to help with setting out the buffet) and then, buoyed up by party food and a paper cup of shandy, I decided to go to Ikea.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking. The Ikea in Belfast has only been open a fortnight or so, and people are still a bit new-fangled with it. Also, it's three days before Christmas, which seems to be all the motivation some people need to cram all the small, whiny, snotty-nosed children they can find into a mega-big car and bring them to a very large homewares shop in order to have a public row with their partner and then slap aforementioned irritating children around a bit.
Now, don't get me wrong; I'm as much of a fan of couples having excruciatingly vicious public rows as the next person, but today I just wanted to buy two lamps and go home again. Those of you who have any awareness of what Ikea is will now be chuckling gently at my foolish optimism. More of my experiences later, though. First we'll have a bit of history, shall we? (NB. Some or all of the history may be made up, because actually researching stuff is quite tedious.)
Ikea is a Swedish firm that's named after a giant who was made entirely out of sofas. It was established…ooh, ages ago by two men known as 'Ike' and 'A'. They decided they could think of nothing more pleasing than persuading people to part with large chunks of their disposable income on stuff that they really didn't need, would have an odd product name and would be immensely frustrating to put together. They also decided that the absolute best way to make people feel right at home would be to ensure that there is a slightly sinister looking middle-aged female shop assistant who is always, always lurking behind whatever piece of furniture you're examining and who will look at you in a way that suggests she knows you'd be stealing all the stuff you could get your thieving hands on if only she wasn't there to intimidate the bejesus out of you in her lurid yellow outfit (that may have been just my experience, mind, but worth a mention, I think).
Anyway, I'll not go through all the products, because, Christ, that'd take AGES, and I can't be arsed. I'll give a bit of an overview later on, but my memory's not great so you might want to have a wee look at their website as well.
When you first arrive at Ikea (having spent an agonisingly long time trying to find a parking space and quietly, but fervently, wishing syphilis on all the gits who park their 4x4's and people carriers so that they take up two spaces) you'll be greeted at the door by a teenager who will thrust a map in your face. The foolhardy will say 'no, I'm grand thanks. Christ, I can manage to find my way around a furniture shop'. Trust me, unless your handbag contains a compass, GPS and ordnance survey map; or you're Ray Mears (and if you are, what the hell are you doing in Ikea? Eh? Shouldn't you be whittling all your furniture out of a badger?), within 5 minutes you'll be reduced to begging the first shop assistant you see for a map. Ikea, you see, is deeply confusing. Firstly, there are no windows, and therefore no natural light. This is a deliberate ploy to make you lose track of time and enter a somnambulistic (impressive word use, no?) state so that you don't notice that you've just signed all your wages over to the Swedish. Secondly, bearing in mind that all the shops are cavernous warehouses, it's astonishingly warm in there. Thirdly, it's always packed with people. At a conservative estimate, there were three hundred and ninety five thousand million people in the Belfast one today. Lastly, there is a track marked on the floor, but it maps out the most insanely circuitous route (so that you see absolutely all of their wares, even if you only wanted a light bulb). All of this conspires to make you feel disorientated, dehydrated, aggravated and a bit teary (not unlike a night out drinking with me, then). Incidentally, you can try to break away from the path, but by Christ, the shop assistants don't like that AT ALL.
'Erm, Madam, I see you've chosen not to follow the path.' 'Yes, you see I only need two lamps, so I thought I'd just go back this way.' 'Why? Why would you think that? Stay on the path, Madam.' 'Well, my way's quicker.' 'Stay on the path.' 'Why?' 'There be monsters…'
All throughout this conversation she kept moving closer and closer to me so that I had to back up towards the path (or end up nose-to-nose with her. I thought that'd be weird for both of us). When I was safely on the path she tailed me around the shop until I got to the checkouts to make sure I didn't try any such rebel tactics again.
This isn't really of any use to you as a consumer (but then, when am I ever any use to you as a consumer?), but the soundtrack in Ikea is, frankly, bizarre. Whilst there I heard 'Christmas Wrapping' by the Waitresses, Mary's Boy Child by Boney M, 'If You Want Blood (You've Got It)' by ACDC and 'Express Yourself' by NWA (the last two were something of a surprise).
Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Ikea sell pretty much everything you could possibly want for your house (and also LOADS of tacky crap that you really don't, but will be seduced into buying, nonetheless). The prices are a bit cheaper than a furniture shop like DFS, but not astonishingly so. Mainly, you're going for the huge range of stuff, the immediate availability of everything, and the weirdness of the staff. Their ranges are generally quite high quality; everything I've bought from them (light fixtures, wooden dining chairs, plates & cups) has been robust. The styles are all either frighteningly reminiscent of the 70's (all lurid colours and rounded shapes) or very modern (muted colours, sharp lines) with absolutely nothing inbetween. A word of warning: the vast majority of their stock comes in flat-pack format, and well, I don't need to tell you that flat-pack is the work of the devil, do I? Steel yourself for a weekend of incomprehensible instructions, lost component parts, injuries and immense frustration.
Smaller things, like lamps and pictures will be stocked in the main body of the shop, but bigger things like shelves and cupboards will have a tag on the display model which will tell you where to go in the self-service bay to collect a packaged version. Then you'll wrestle the huge parcel off the shelf, realise that you don't have the strength in your arms that you thought you did and hit yourself on the forehead with it more times than you'd think possible. Finally, at JUST the point where you've managed to manoeuvre it onto the trolley a yellowy shop assistant will appear and ask if you'd like any help with that. You'll have to be restrained from hurting them.
The checkout process is torturously slow, because stupid people always want to pay with small change, and have tremendous difficulty in counting it out accurately (when you combine that with the fact that the checkout staff are sufficiently lacking in intellectual prowess to have opted to work in Ikea, well, you've got a recipe for disaster, really).
Almost forgot about this, but there's also a charmingly soulless restaurant featuring such delights as a '95p breakfast' and I bet that for that kind of money, all the ingredients are organic, and 'Swedish Style Meatballs with Loganberry Sauce', and, well, who amongst us could fail to find THAT appetising, eh? If you're in the mood for hard-to-identify-food in sauces made from unheard of ingredients, though, you can eat like a really rubbish king for around three quid. In a way, you've got to grudgingly respect Ikea for their sheer, bloody minded determination to invade every area of your life. There's a little grocery bit outside the restaurant where you can, should you wish, purchase some of your very own meatballs to 'enjoy at home.' Who are they aiming this at? Who would CHOOSE to eat as if they're in Ikea when they're not in Ikea? I find that mindblowing. I don't know what else they sell in that bit, to be honest, so utterly transfixed was I by the poster that read (with, let me say, utterly inappropriate use of an exclamation mark) 'Like the meatballs in the restaurant?' (Hell no! The meat was of a colour rarely seen in nature and NO-ONE bloody knows what loganberries are.) 'Now you can eat them at home!' (What? Why? Is it some kind of punishment?)
I realise all of this sounds a bit negative, but Ikea's pretty good, really, once you accept that it's slightly sinister, staffed by mentals and will swallow whole hours of your life when you only went in to buy a set of teaspoons. Bring sandwiches, a fan, and a GPS, though, if you want to make it out in under 11 hours.
Advantages: loads of things to choose from, cafe, good quality Disadvantages: parking, gets too busy, toilets few and far between, transaction charge for credit cards
...blue with a bright yellow IKEA sign around each side of the buildings.
When can I go?
Opening times vary from store to store but through the week they are mainly open 10am till 10pm some may open slightly earlier and at least 1 closes at midnight.
Saturdays are usually 9am till 10 pm but again this can vary some don't open till 10am and some will close at 8pm.
Sunday opening seems to be 11am till 5pm but some stores open at 10am but you can't ... ...the most popular lines at IKEA is an up lighter, it is a simple silver coloured base it an adjustable pole and an opaque plastic up lighter shade. Almost everyone I know has at least one of there and at around £6 they are a bargain. They stock a vast range of wall lights, table lamps, floor standing lamps and light fittings as well as bulbs. They are worth visiting if only to stock up on energy saving light bulbs at around £1.50 each depending on ...
tarara 14.01.2005 (16.01.2005)
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Ikea
Advantages: Good variety of items, good shopping experience Disadvantages: Can be busy
I had never visited an Ikea until recently, mainly because I have never lived near one. I now live just up the road from the one on Wembley and so decided to take a visit. Ikea is a Swedish store that basically sells everything for the home from furniture to decoration. It is a huge store and is really obvious from the moment you see it due to its blue and yellow colouring on the building, which of course is copying the Swedish flag. Ikea is meant ... ...prices. If you have an Ikea family card you can get free tea and coffee, which is great. The café consists of lots of tables with chairs that are all chairs that are sold in the store so you can even have a look at the chairs whilst in the café. The most famous meal at Ikea is the very Swedish meatballs. You can get these for a really cheap price of 3.25. They also sell other hot meals, puddings and snacks so something for everyone. All of it is ...
wendz86 20.10.2009
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Ikea
Advantages: Furnish your home smartly and cheaply Disadvantages: A long walk through temptation
...when searching for reviews including Ikea that they number 666 - The mark of the beast- so here goes with number 667.
I am fortunate or unfortunate (depending on your perspective) to have an Ikea store within 5 minutes drive from home. This is more in theory than in practice as the store is situated in Wednesbury just beyond Junction 9 of the M6 if I don't choose my time carefully can be a 30 minute drive away. Plus if I am really foolish and try ... ...are visitors from another planet. Ikea is a Swedish company specialising in self assembly flat pack furniture and almost everything else you could need from your home at cheap and cheerful prices. Fortunately not all its products look cheap but many of the are definitely cheerful.
If you are unfamiliar with Ikea please have a look at their website www.ikea.com to get an idea of the wide range of goods that you can buy here.
THE SHOPPING EXPERIENCE
...
baeswoman 10.09.2007
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...with their large, plastic, yellow IKEA holdalls, the crush quickly dispersed into the huge maze of isles on the first floor.
IKEA is a Swedish owned chain of warehouse style stores. The IKEA principle is 'good design for everyone - without the need to save hard first.' On offer is a wealth of individually designed furniture, furnishings, kitchens, ornaments and utensils. Some of which is set out to resemble a complete room, with the rest displayed ... ...IKEA and if you have more expensive taste, the higher price tags are there too. I've never had a problem with the quality of the products and every purchase has so far come complete with all the necessary instructions and fixings.
Each item is tagged with a price, dimensions and a warehouse location code. Note down the code and take it to the ground floor warehouse where you will find a huge area filled to the roof with flat pack boxes. Each isle ...
inycon2 15.10.2004
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Ikea
Advantages: Quality furniture and more Disadvantages: Transporting
...when you arrive at the Ikea store, parking your car is fine during week days, but at weekends the only park you will get is the Heli - pad, just wishful thinking. Even so; it still remains exciting, because we are about to enter the world of flat pack.
Many of us do not like flat pack furniture and in some ways there is a stigma attached to buying and assembling our own furniture. If we go to a top store and purchase that solid wood dining table ... ...monde. But Most of Ikea furniture is solid wood! The only difference is; we have to build it our selves.
We are so much tending to be perfectionists; we cannot tell our selves, that flat pack furniture is just as good if not better than the real mc-coy.
On entering the store it is a mad dash to get our bag and pencil, you may ask what’s the pencil for, why of course it’s our little life saver so you can make note and jot down everything you see ...
halk 21.06.2007
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Ikea
Advantages: Well priced, wide range of products Disadvantages: Not for lovers of chintz
Good Afternoon ladies and gentlemen and welcome onboard the Ikea Express. Tonight I would like to take you on a journey around my local store in Gateshead, although if you shut your eyes you could be in any of the other 10 which are situated throughout the UK at Brent Park (London), Bristol, Croydon, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Leeds, Nottingham, Thurrock, Warrington or Wednesbury, although I advise you to get off right now if lace tablecloths and decorated china dinner sets are your thing as you will be sorely disappointed. I hope you have refreshments with you as this is going to be a long journey.
Before we enter the store, I will give you some background information. Ikea are a Swedish company who began trading in the 1940's,and the name was chosen to reflect the owners initials and the place where he grew up. The company traded ...
nicanddarrell 04.02.2003
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Ikea (Shop)
Advantages: Price, and contemporary style Disadvantages: Shop locations, & delivery
Us Northern Irish people are at a disadvantage - should we fancy a day out at Ikea we cannot simply jump into the car and head off, no sir - it all takes planning. Book the boat, book accomodation and clear the old credit card!
Ive been to 2 IKEA stores Newcastle and Warrington and come April l will have enjoyed the Edinburgh Shopping Experience also.
Personally l love IKEA - l love the impluse buys, the fact that furniture is soo cheap, for those starting out in their first homes IKEA is a god send.
What l hate is the way we in Northern Ireland are disadvantaged - for example should l wish to purchase a suite of furniture or anything requiring deliverly, l would have to make my own delivery arrangements. There is a lucrative market in Northern Ireland, loads of available income and an up and coming market (simply look ...
purdy 16.02.2001
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Advantages: Good quality flat pack items. Good amenities in-store. Disadvantages: Not enough stores to fulfill demand.
in the bathroom) A bit pricy, but everyone loves it when they see it!
The TV/Video stand is well made too. This was just £15 and took 10 minutes to assemble. The only downside is that I cannot fit everything under the TV, but then nowadays who can (what with DVD, VCR, PS etc etc!)
Other things we have got from Ikea include mugs, pillows and towels. All very good quality and were reasonably priced. oh, and a cool yellow bottle opener too, which was just a £1.
Overall they are clearly not as accessible as Argos stores but I hope this to change in 2001. They can be more expensive than Argos but as always, you get what you pay for.
The Ikea store we visit (Nottingham) is huge. Car parking is vast, although still does get full on weekends and bank holidays. They provide toilets, and a fair cafe.
You can also buy Swedish foods ...
alflavor 27.01.2001 (28.01.2001)
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