Iris: A Memoir of Iris Murdoch - John Bayley

It disappoints me to have to give such a sad story just three stars. But I have to be honest and for me, it just wasn't what I was hoping for.
I bought this book as a present for my mum as I'd read great reviews about it and having gone through the terrible illness of Alzheimers with my grandma and now my grandad, I was interested to read about someone else's experience of it. I read the book and still can't quite work out how I feel about ...
...John Bayley is an extremely intelligent man but yet, there's just something missing.

In this biography of a sort, John Bayley takes it upon himself to tell the story of his wife, Iris Muroch (1919 - 1999). The novel is split into two parts: "Then" and the substantially smaller "Now". Evidently, "Then" describes how they met and how they grew in their life together before Iris developed Alzheimers and in ... more

It disappoints me to have to give such a sad story just three stars. But I have to be honest and for me, it just wasn't what I was hoping for.
I bought this book as a present for my mum as I'd read great reviews about it and having gone through the terrible illness of Alzheimers with my grandma and now my grandad, I was interested to read about someone else's experience of it. I read the book and still can't quite work out how I feel about it, as it's wonderfully written and plain to see that John Bayley is an extremely intelligent man but yet, there's just something missing.

In this biography of a sort, John Bayley takes it upon himself to tell the story of his wife, Iris Muroch (1919 - 1999). The novel is split into two parts: "Then" and the substantially smaller "Now". Evidently, "Then" describes how they met and how they grew in their life together before Iris developed Alzheimers and in "Now", John attempts to explain how things are after Iris is no longer herself. The book is called Memoirs of Iris Murdoch but on reflection, it should probably be called, "The life of John and Iris" because John is naturally half of everything he writes about and the book is as good an insight into his life and personality as it is to Iris's.

Iris was born in Dublin to an Irish mother and English father. After the war, the family moved to London where Iris grew up in the western suburbs of Hammersmith and Chiswick. She studied classics, ancient history and philosophy at Somerville College, Oxford. After a year without employment in London, she took up a postgraduate studentship in philosophy under Ludwig Wittgenstein. In 1948 she was elected a fellow of St. Anne's College, Oxford, where she worked as a tutor until 1963. After that, Iris devoted herself entirely to writing, producing 26 novels in 40 years making her one of Britain’s leading post-war fiction novelists. Her work on philosophy clearly proves her intellectual superiority. It is perhaps due to this that her life is so fascinating yet paradoxically, it may be her husband's brilliance that makes this book equally mundane at times. Although all things philosophical and literary interest me, I find Bayley's constant reference to other authors and philosophers somewhat tedious and tiresome.

John begins by describing when he met Iris. They weren't the teenage lovers we might imagine; Iris was actually 34 and John a 28-year-old virgin. Iris seemed oblivious to John's existence when he first saw her riding her bicycle and immediately fell in love, or was it just fascination? Whatever it was, it was enough for him to pluck up the courage to talk to her. After that, they spent a lot of time together, most notably swimming in any bit of water they could find, and never really put a label on their relationship which seemed to suit them both.
John repeatedly mentions how marriage never even came into question for them until they'd been together 3 years. Even then, John claims the "operation" ("one could hardly call it a ceremony") lasted only 3 minutes. For me, this sums up the whole story of their life together. Bayley manages to fill 294 pages with very little emotion. Although he claims to have known he wanted her from the moment he saw her, there is very little passion after that. Their life seems to have been just "ticking along" and although John claims this is just how he wanted it, can you really be happy in a relationship where you know your partner is seeing other people yet this issue is never even brought into question, just accepted? It’s as though it's easier that way. Iris wrote her books in one room and John did whatever task he had for the day in another and this seems to symbolise their whole life. In fairness to him, Bayley repeatedly tries to portray how he wouldn't have it any other way. That it is this "solitaire à deux" that makes them who they are. The fact that Iris went out and he didn't know where to or with whom was fine with him. That was just the way it was. When they spent weeks or even months apart it didn't faze either of them:
"I never 'missed' Iris and I don't think in that sense she ever missed me. Apartness, when it happened was itself a kind of closeness."
He makes a valiant and convincing attempt at conveying these feelings but for a romantic like myself, I just can't begin to understand a kind of relationship where things are kept from each other and you don't 'miss' someone when they're away.

Despite all this, there is obviously something that kept them together all those years and in a way, it's irrelevant whether that was love, admiration or companionship.
"It is wonderfully peaceful to sit in bed with Iris reassuringly asleep..."
When they made their vows (even if it was only a 3 minute operation), they obviously intended keeping them. ‘In sickness and in health’ certainly came to mean more than they could ever have imagined or wished for. Whilst writing her last novel in 1994, Iris started to show signs of Alzheimers disease. In its initial stages, it usually goes unnoticed, as it may only be minor things that happen such as forgetfulness and confusion. Unfortunately, things only get worse and after a few more years, Iris Murdoch, the university lecturer and author ceased to exist and was replaced by a woman who was no longer able to hold her usual intellectual conversations and although she still showed signs of her former self, her husband describes her as having regressed into “a very nice 3-year-old”. This is what is so sad about Alzheimers. The person you love is still there physically but their mind has gone and so they’re not really there anymore despite what your eyes are telling you. The emotions you go through when you witness someone close to you suffer like this are intense. Going through it with my grandma was one of the most painful things I’ve been through and the fact that it is so drawn out just seems so cruel so I’m baffled by Bayley’s easy acceptance of it all. I again fail to really relate to him as he claims that “I cannot now imagine Iris any different” because it’s the complete opposite of my feelings in wishing to only remember my grandma how she was before Alzheimers took hold.
To his credit (and to my relief), Bayley is brutally honest in part 2 as he explains how frustrated and angry he gets with the constant questioning and repeating of conversations. He admits to losing patience and yelling at her a few times, reducing her to tears. This may seem cruel but when you’ve been in those shoes, it’s perfectly understandable and of course, he immediately regrets it.

It’s difficult to say whether I’d recommend this book or not due to all the reasons mentioned above at various points. If you’re a fan of Iris Murdoch, then you’ll probably enjoy it. If you’re not, then it could go either way. As I said, there’s rarely a page goes by without mentioning some literary work which makes it feel more like an academic than a leisure read. When I enjoy a book, I finish it in a couple of days; this one took me a couple of weeks. That’s not to say that I didn’t enjoy this book because I did but I just didn’t really connect with it. So if you consider yourself well up on your literature or are a fan of Iris Murdoch, give it a whirl, otherwise, I’d probably read Geri Halliwell’s autobiography instead!

As for the film that has been made starring Dame Judi Dench and Kate Winslet, I have yet to see it, but I imagine it's wonderful as it stars 2 wonderful actresses who wouldn't have done the film if they'd thought otherwise. Maybe it's a case of the movie being better than the book. I'll have to watch it and see...

Thanks for reading. All feedback is welcome and appreciated!

Amy
 

...less