Is beauty only skin deep? > Reviews (98)

When I originally sat down to construct this opinion, I wondered just how much there could be to say on the topic. As a concept, you could easily think that beauty is only skin deep because in the traditional sense, beauty is regarded as a physical thing. However, the debate is rather more profound that that, so I’ve tried to examine the question a little further.

I have some stonkingly good-looking friends.

I have some average looking friends.

I have some quite odd looking friends.

The fact of the matter is that I like them all in equal doses, if not in different ways. To me, the ones who could be models can be as trustworthy and as kind as the ones who couldn’t. We have this tendency in life to make sweeping generalisations about people. One of these generalisations is that a beautiful body automatically means a vacuous and cruel mind. This is, of course, grossly unfair in many cases, but the myth continues to perpetuated by the models and celebrities who are paraded across our television screens. There is an assumption in life that you can’t have everything, so if you are perceived as being attractive, then it is automatically assumed that you are thick or cruel – or both.

With most generalisations there is often a founding of truth, and I think it would be fair to say that this is the case here. Beautiful people are very often as vain as they are attractive and there are few people in the world who would find vanity a particularly attractive quality. Self-obsession and pre-occupation with one’s appearance would suggest that the person has little time for anyone else, and is concerned primarily with their hair and make-up before anything else. Nonetheless, can anyone reading this honestly say that they really don’t care about their appearance? Is the contempt that we show towards such vain people not born out of jealousy over the fact that we don’t look like them?

In my review of My Seven Deadliest Sins, I cited vanity as one of my seven sins. As I stated in my opinion, I don’t consider myself to be male model material, but my appearance is very important to me. I like to spend time on my appearance before I go out. I want my hair to look groovy. I want my skin to look clean and healthy. I want my clothes to complement my body. I want all of these things for my own benefit, because when I feel as though I look good, I feel good – and I see absolutely nothing wrong in that whatsoever. I doubt anyone would disagree that getting dressed up for a night on the town is a superb confidence-booster. I seldom feel more positive about myself than when I have bought some new gear, got dressed up and gone out for some drinks and mischief. I don’t see this as something restricted exclusively to young people – we all want to look good and feel attractive.

But why should it matter what I look like? Will I get served in the pub any quicker? Will I get past the grumpy bouncer on the door any easier? Will I manage to get a seat in the bar any easier? I don’t care what anyone says – of course I will.

The fact of the matter is that we live in a society where appearance is consciously and sub-consciously very important to us. We may not realise it, but very often our behaviour towards someone will be dictated by our observation of the way they look. We are programmed to find certain things attractive and our brains can be led – or fooled – very easily in this way. Studies have shown, for instance, that a conventionally attractive man or woman is much more likely to pass a job interview than someone who is not. (How these studies are performed I’m not sure, but I do believe in what they tell me).

I think that it is very important, nonetheless, not to confuse sexual attraction with general attraction. When it comes to sexual attraction, we may well be enticed or excited by different things when compared to how attractive we find someone as a friend or colleague. Physical attraction can be quite spontaneous and often inexplicable – and of course, we all find very different things attractive. I hold very much to the belief that beauty – in a mental, emotional or psychological sense – is very much associated with physiology.

It’s not a case that I think that all beautiful people are decent, loving individuals, but I firmly believe that a person’s inner character is born out through their outer appearance. Conventional beauty elements (big breasts/muscles, trim waistlines etc) are irrelevant here – the real clues are altogether more subtle. For instance, I think you can detect a person’s nature from the shape of their mouth, the way they laugh or through the way they look at you. All these things – and more – can be infinitely appealing or infinitely unattractive. It has long been my belief that if somebody is poisonous, bitter and cruel, then this will be exhibited in their physical appearance. I don’t mean that they will look like an old witch (although this is quite often the case) but that there will be subtle clues such as a thin, nasty-looking little mouth, a sneering expression or an insincere smile. Once again, these are generalisations, but my experiences of people in general have nearly always conformed to these beliefs.

I believe that this is why many relationships crash and burn – and why others thrive – because as individuals, I think that some people are quite intuitive and able to identify qualities in their friends and partners, whereas others are not. I’m sure it would explain many of the physical attractions that I – and I’m sure you – have felt towards people who at face value are not conventionally attractive, but seem to have a certain special quality. When I was a teenager, my eyes would instantly be drawn to someone’s figure and body – now I tend to look at eyes, teeth and hands (!) I also find that these natural indicators of inner-most character are extremely difficult to disguise – slapping on the make-up or pulling on a pair of designer jeans will not change the person within. It is because of these beliefs that I find Internet relationships very unappealing – words can easily lie, where looks cannot.

The dangers of over-emphasising conventional “good looks” are evident. Thousands of women and girls suffer from terrible eating disorders in their continual attempts to obtain that perfect figure. As a society we are almost completely obsessed with our bodies and our appearances and we seem to have adopted an attitude that we cannot start to look any older. This is no longer a burden carried solely by the female sex – men are under increasing pressure to look a certain way, as society has clearly developed a notion of how we should all look. It is this sort of pressure that we should seek to avoid, and it is this sort of attitude that really is only skin deep. Thousands of pounds spent on cosmetic surgery will not encourage self-confidence – in fact, the opposite is almost entirely true.

There is a big difference between looking after your appearance and becoming obsessed by it. Albeit that they were written in quite a humorous way, it has greatly saddened me that many members have made comments about the fact that they want to lose weight before the Ciao meeting in Birmingham. Everyone should feel happy and relaxed to come as they are – the perpetual pressure to look good exists even within our community.

Beauty and poison run hand in hand – neither is only skin deep. In my experience there are plenty of external clues that reveal what the inner person is really like. Whilst it may be true to say that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, it’s still always worth having a look at the preface…..