Review of "Izal Toilet Paper"

published 20/01/2005 | Thehonesttruth
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"Taking a gamble on craps......"

Picture of roll packaging

Picture of roll packaging

Do you remember being at school and that horrible thin, scratchy non-absorbent paper that smeared everything around rather than soaking it up, and scratched your delicate bits to pieces? Well, now you know it’s name Izal medicated toilet tissue. If you don’t remember these days, you are indeed fortunate!

On paper, (pun very much intended) this offers a useful thing up to the discerning wiper of rear end’s and front bottoms. It's medicated to kill bacteria, therefore making your bottom a much more hygienic place ,although I wouldn’t try eating your dinner off it! Thats not a place you want your head to get stuck!

Less than attractive in its dull green packaging with a big paler green cross on it, this toilet paper is medicated (I should hope so, if only to clean the wounds it’s caused on my delicate little poo ring.

I tried to smell it (before use obviously) to see if I could detect any of the stuff they used to medicate it. It has no fragrance except a slight mustiness. It comes in only one colour, so if it doesn’t match your tasteful bathroom decor, well that's just tough. The colour it comes in is semi opaque beige, and it reminds me of tracing paper (and can in fact be used as tracing paper. I had to use the rest of it up somehow, as after a few wipes it was clear this belonged nowhere near my bottom, much less the more delicate parts of my female anatomy) It has a shiny side and a matt side.

Izal have two versions of this awful, torturous, painful bottom wipe available to the masochistic consumer- a continuous roll, and a tidy little box, that fits conveniently into those beribboned satin pink tissue box covers you feel compelled to buy from your children’s school fetes.

In my experience, this paper is rubbish. There's no way you can blow your nose on it without ending up with a vicious paper cut, and the snot just does not absorb, it just gets smeared around your face.
Without going overboard with the detail, its performance at the lower end of my anatomy was abysmal! In fact any drips have a tendency to skate across the surface, thereby ensuring a sure-fire deposit of said drips onto the hand. Not my image of hygienic. Still, I take comfort from the fact that the medicated coating may have killed off the bacteria en route, but would rather not put too much faith in it.

On using it for solids, again it did not absorb but smeared, leaving me with a nasty, itchy unclean feeling that only abated after I wiped again with my beloved Andrex (I'm sure the aloe Vera added to the Andrex will have some healing effect on my bottom, which again was torn to shreds by this awful paper.) My brother claims this is because I was using the shiny side, when I should have used the matt side. I only want to wipe my bottom!! Why do I need lessons in how to do it with Izal? Looking on the packet there is nothing about which side you should use, so can only assume my brother is talking out of his @rse, as is his wont. I would suggest you use this paper as a murder weapon, as it removes layers of skin with ruthless efficiency (although would be useless for cleaning up the blood afterwards!)

I can understand (but not forgive) schools for using it when I was younger, as I would imagine that it works out cheaply, as the splintered glass texture would discourage children from using too much. Nowadays schools have it easier, with their soft Kimberly Clark tissues in the white dispenser, but those of us who experienced this at school have small scars that will never disappear. I personally would rather wipe my bum on the carpet the way dogs do, than ever use this paper again!

Some of the ingredients contained within Izal toilet paper are: aqua, propylene glycol, phenoxyethanol, aloe barbadensis, Polysorbate 20, Myrtrimonium Bromide, Methylparaben, Sorbic Acid, Disodium Cocoamphodiacetate, Disodium Phosphate, Parfum, Laurtrimonium B romide, Citric Acid, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate, Sodium Chloride.

Which all sounds a bit much really, it’s only for wiping arses after all, not curing the plague!

The only slightly redeeming things I can think of about this toilet paper is that my mum's just showed me how to make a kazoo out of a sheet of Izal and a comb, and the fact that it could be used as tracing paper by impoverished artists. It starts from 50p a roll, and is available in most major supermarkets, so someone must like it, but unfortunately not me.

Thanks for reading, happy craps!
Made in UK, Jeyes Limited, Brunel Way, Thetford, Norfolk, IP24 1HF

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Comments on this review

  • GoodGuyBaz published 02/02/2007
    Too true and brought back terrible memories, but made up for it with lotza laughs.
  • smudgeybabes published 05/01/2007
    Ahhhrrrgh - Izal - horrible. I do remember making it brilliant kazoos though.
  • Dizzy_Lizzy published 09/03/2005
    I hate this stuff, but thanks for a funny and informative review. ~Liz
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Product Information : Izal Toilet Paper

Manufacturer's product description

Toilet Tissue

Product Details

Type: Toilet Tissue

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Listed on Ciao since: 12/12/2003