Just For Men Moustache & Beard Brush-in Colour Gel

...a face of scratty-looking stubble. Just recently though, I persevered in the face of such comments and after a month of persistent effort to not shave, I walked into the office to be greeted by one of my colleagues, who screamed: "Urgh, what's with THE BEARD?" I was naturally ecstatic, and when another girl later said to me "Get rid of THE BEARD; it looks shit", my joy was complete: what these two ladies were telling me, in their ...
...some of my favourite things just to calm me down. It looked something like this:

- A nice tube of colour base
- A lovely tube of colour developer
- Plastic gloves
- Tiny brushes
- Little plastic mixing trays
- Really good instruction pamphlets

AT SAVERS DRUGSTORE…
By the time I got to the shop I was slightly calmer, from thinking of that list of my favourite things, but was still ... more

For many years I tried to grow a full-face beard, and at many points along the way I thought I had succeeded. But comments like "Are you GROWING a beard?" and "What's that on your face?" indicated that I wasn't quite there yet, and what I actually had was a face of scratty-looking stubble. Just recently though, I persevered in the face of such comments and after a month of persistent effort to not shave, I walked into the office to be greeted by one of my colleagues, who screamed: "Urgh, what's with THE BEARD?" I was naturally ecstatic, and when another girl later said to me "Get rid of THE BEARD; it looks shit", my joy was complete: what these two ladies were telling me, in their own special way was: well done Robbo, you're finally a man: you've grown a beard. I was over the moon.

But then it all went wrong.

"Have you dyed your beard?" asked my ex-friend Jason, as we waited for the train.
"No, why?" I asked, dreading the answer.
"Because it's really dark at the sides and ginger in the middle."
He was right. In my heart of hearts I'd always known. But like an alkie who tells himself that Lambrini doesn't count, I had been kidding myself for a long, long time. Despite having light brown hair on my head, on my face, for all to see, was a beard that was a bit black, a bit brown, and a lot ginger. So after thanking Jason for his honesty by pushing him under the next train, I stormed off to Savers, the local bargain drugstore, in a proper bad mood. No shit, I was so angry I had to make a list of some of my favourite things just to calm me down. It looked something like this:

- A nice tube of colour base
- A lovely tube of colour developer
- Plastic gloves
- Tiny brushes
- Little plastic mixing trays
- Really good instruction pamphlets

AT SAVERS DRUGSTORE…
By the time I got to the shop I was slightly calmer, from thinking of that list of my favourite things, but was still too pissed off to talk, so I just went to the counter and pointed at my part-ginger beard and the girl at the counter instinctively gave me a box with JUST FOR MEN BRUSH IN COLOUR GEL: MOUSTACHE BEARD & SIDEBURNS written on it. So I opened the box and bugger me if it hadn't got all my favourite things that I just mentioned in it! I bought that stuff right on the spot and took it home to use. Incidentally, the Ciao picture is out of date, so I've put a picture of the box as it is now at the bottom.

WHAT I DID NEXT
I went in the bathroom and took off my shirt, not because I am Robson Green an enjoy doing so in everything I'm in, but so that I wouldn't get beard colouring gel on my clothing. Carefully following the very excellent illustrated instructions in the box, I put the plastic gloves on, squirted a little line from each tube (colour base and colour developer) by side in the plastic mixing tray and mixed them together with the little brush; I then used the same brush to give my ginger beard a good old covering of the mixture, using vigorous up and down strokes, which, for some reason, seemed second nature.

5 MINUTES LATER…
I rinsed the stuff off my beard and face with warm water and hey presto, the man staring at me from the mirror (me) had a very dark, perhaps even black, beard.

JUST FOR MEN BEARD AND MOUSTACHE GEL FAQ

ISN'T THAT STUFF JUST FOR PEOPLE WITH GREY HAIR?
Nope, though it is targeted at the grey market, it is perfectly good for Gingerbeards like Robbo 2000.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU LEAVE THE STUFF IN FOR LESS/MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES?
You get a lighter/darker beard

WHAT COLOURS DOES IT COME IN?
Light brown, Medium Brown, Dark Brown/Black, and Black. Just For Men also make colourants for your head hair in these colours, so you can make sure you get a good match, if that's what you want. Though there's not enough to dye your whole head of hair with here, it is suitable for touching up your roots, which may well be the campest thing you ever do.

HOW MANY APPLICATIONS DO YOU GET?
Depends how massive your beard is. The average number is apparently 3, but anything from 1 to 5 is suggested, depending on whether you are Noel Edmonds or Santa.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD I USE IT?
However often you like; the instructions suggest once a month is average.

DOES THE COLOUR FADE?
I only had my beard for a week, and in that time the colour did fade, but only very slightly.

DID WOMEN LOVE YOUR BEARD?
Shit, yeah. The girls in my office found my beard so arousing that they couldn't even stand to look at me for more than half a second in case they died of lust or something.

ANY ALLERGY WORRIES?
There are loads of ingredients which I'm not going to list but it does contain Hydrogen Peroxide and you are advised to do an allergy test on your skin 48 hours before doing your beard. I chose to live on the edge an not do this: it was pretty exciting and I felt like a stuntman or something but I'm not suggesting you copy me, so if you do try the same thing and your beard falls off, don't blame me. You shouldn't apply it to scratched or broken skin either - that would just be mental.

HOW MUCH IS IT?
I got mine for just less than a fiver, but you may have to pay more if you don't have shops like Savers near you. Shop around.

CAN YOU USE IT ON, AHEM, "OTHER" HAIRS?
You're warned not to use it on your eyebrows for blindness-avoidance reasons. "Rude hairs" are not mentioned, nor are armpit hairs, but if you are the sort of person who dyes their armpit hairs, I don't really want you reading this anyway.

WILL IT LEAVE STAINS IF I SPLASH ANYTHING WITH IT?
Yep, it can do in some cases, so cover your sink/clothes/offspring with old rags and that if you don't them getting stained. Any hard surfaces you do splash, however, can, I found, be wiped clean if you get there before the stuff dries.

MY BEARD
Having chosen the dark brown/black variant, I ended with one dark mother of a beard: darker than my head hair, in fact. Despite the mismatch, which was entirely my fault for choosing the wrong colour, I was happy with the fact that this was easily the most prominent beard ever to be seen on my face. The beard was the same colour all over, which some might say is not the most natural of looks, but if you leave work on Friday with a grey/ginger beard and go back on Monday with a black one, you're not really going to fool anyone anyway, are you? Anyhow, I can honestly say that I was best pleased with the results. In fact, I was so bloody happy I went to karaoke to celebrate. Below are two pictures showing the contrast between by part-ginger beard and my JFM-sponsored Darkbeard.

A couple of days later, I was back at work. No sooner had I stepped in the office as my ex-friend Kelly snorted: "Eurgh! Have you dyed your beard? That's well gay - it looks darker than the hair on your head."

Kelly's locked in the store cupboard now, and I'll be damned if I'm letting her out.

Happy beard colouring

Robbo
 

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