** Warning: Some use of swearing **
"Larn Yersel' Geordie" ~ Scott Dobson
- Paperback ~ £2.75
- 32 pages (October 1986)
- Publisher: Butler Publishing
- Language: English (Well, is it really?!?!?!!?!?!?)
- ISBN: 0946928010
- Categories: Young Adult, Society, Politics & Philosophy, Humour
Why have I got this book?
A Geordie work acquaintance bought it for 3 mates and I, following a weekend bender earlier this year, with the focal points of all piss taking directed at her Geordie accent and my dulcet Scouse tones! You can imagine the fun I am sure (yawn ..!)
I love accents and think they are fascinating, not because I am from an area that has a particularly famed one itself, but because of the fact that it can almost help to create a whole new language. For example, any Englishman trying to understand a Glaswegian in full flow is quite simply fucked. I know, because last time I was up there, the kind gentleman who was telling me that we should run or surrender our lives had to text it into his phone, so I could eventually understand what he was saying, before we give it toes around the corner! (I jest of course!)
Have you ever done that?! Had to repeat yourself to someone that many times that you eventually have to type it into your mobile phone?! Only problem is, for me, it still comes out in Scouse colloquialism, so it doesn't make a blind bit of difference! (All-rice eh larrr … owz it angina derr kiddda?)
Essentially, this book is centred around one specific area where colloquialisms rain down in their black and white bucket loads …. "Whyaye Pet", in New-cass-ell
Col·lo·qui·al·ism (ke-lō'kwē-e-lĭz'em) ~ A colloquialism is an expression not used in formal speech or writing.
Newcastle is one such area, very similar in many respects to Liverpool, that has suffered from inner city decline from traditional tertiary industries in the 1980's following the decline from the industrial revolution, still evident in manufacturing today, with Coventry suffering no more than anywhere else at present.
The North-East is famed for it's easily identifiable language of it's own, that being the "Geordie" of Newcastle. For anyone listening to a Geordie speak in their native tongue and at pace, you have very little chance of understanding what is being said because of the use of colloquialisms, but also because the pace mixed with the accent does not allow you to differentiate and split the syllable's. This is evident with any pronounced accent.
To provide quick reference to the "Scouse" accent for a moment … My Father (bless him), has had many different jobs through the years … get-a-way driver, safer cracker, drug dealer … (Only kidding) … but he was a Liverpool taxi driver for many years and even had his own min-cab firm at one stage. Anyway, I recall when I did work experience during my days at school (around about when I was fifteen), he come to pick me up from my "place of work" (get me!), and also agreed to give a lift to a guy called Joe from the office … Joe was a very chatty guy and was happy with his verbal diarrhoea during the car journey home.
When Joe had been dropped off, my Dad turned to me and said "Could you understand a fucking word he was saying?" … "No Dad .. I just smile and nod…except for the time last Monday when he slapped me for doing so because he was actually telling me about his Nan dying over the weekend … " … My father was astounded by the fact he had met someone from the same city in which he was born, raised and worked as a taxi driver, yet couldn't understand a word he was saying!
Dialect is a strange and wonderful thing and I recall attending a Sales conference a few years ago now when the speaker mentioned that people with accents should actively use them in sales and not try to disguise them. After all, in sales, it's all about being remembered, and anything you can use to differentiate or stand out from the crowd should be utilised. Good advice I thought... Shame I'm not in sales. I think he had different advice about Scousers, but I won't go into that.
These types of books are very popular, and I actually do own two out of a series of three called "The ABZ of Scouse" and "Lern Yerself Scouse".
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Larn Yersel' Geordie
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Until sitting down to write this review, I hadn't thoroughly looked at this book, which - I must say - is a gem and a great source of humour, as you would expect from almost any Geordie. In fact, I don't think I have ever met a Geordie I have never laughed AT ;-) !!! Sorry, sorry …. I mean WITH !
The book comes complete with little cartoon characters throughout the 32-pages, which gives me the impression it's also suitable for children. Well, it certainly is for big silly children like me!
* The Introduction ~ Provides a little background on the intention behind the scripting of the book, which is basically to allow readers to become fluent in speaking "Geordie" … "Whyaye"
* Historical Background ~ Now, I have to say, this is where I beg to differ slightly from the author who explains that "Geordie" is not a regional accent but an language in it's own right. I won't spoil the author's little history lesson at this juncture, but whilst I do believe that there is truth in what he says, my view is that language and accent are two entirely different things. For example, when I try to speak French or Spanish, I still speak with a "Scouse" accent and people are able to differentiate.
An accent is the lilt that the speaker provides the words when they are being spoken, which sounds different from region to region. Hence, if someone in the south of England were to say "Bath", it would be pronounced "Barrth". Now, I always jest with people who talk in this manner and state that whilst it may be the Queens English, the word quite clearly doesn't have an "R" in it, not that I am in a position to talk about the pronunciation of English according to the Oxford English Dictionary.
In fact, the reader can learn some very valuable and interesting facts in this historical background section, from pages 4-7.
* To Learn Geordie Sounds ~ Now, most of the time when I meet a Geordie, it's at a football ground or in a pub, typically before a football match, so the typical sounds are belching and farting!
Something I don't think is typical of just a Geordie male or indeed female.
The book starts with the "Geordie R" and provides a master-class on how to perfect the sound, before moving on to the next "Geordie sound" and then the next … I did wonder whether this was farting and belching in different keys, but alas, sadly it is not, which is a shame because that would be quite impressive!
* Phrases ~ As the book progresses from the mastering of the different "Geordie sounds" it moves into providing typical Geordie sayings with an explanation of their meaning. One of my favourites, more so because of the explanation given is as follows;
"Shortly the barman will genuflect and utter the final benediction: 'Seeyordrinksofflads" (In English "Time Gentleman please")."
Now, if we were actually to add spaces to that particular example, we can clearly see that it make sense in it's linguistic make-up "See-yor-drinks-off-lads", and would make sense if spoken at a slower pace.
* Exercises ~ Now, the "Geordie exercises" are not to be mistaken with those performed by the Newcastle United football team during pre-match warm up, but are vocal warm up exercises the book takes you through! It's almost like fitness video, but more humorous and without the rigorousness associated with such a routine! Comically enough, it's reciting poems and nursery rhymes.* Vocabulary ~ The book finishes with a vocabulary of Geordie phrases, which can come in very handy at the pub or at the match, judging by most of the content.~~~~~~~~~~~
Some Favourites
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- Geordie = "Ah wes palatick" / English = "I enjoyed myself"
- Geordie = "Howay doon to the Chinese, pet" / English = "Would you care to dine with me"
- Geordie = "Mindshesweelstacked" / English = "What a stunning figure that young lady has"
- Geordie = "Ootside!" / English = "Let us settle this matter in a civilised manner"
- Geordie = "Aal cloot yer lugs" / English = "I am sorry but corporal punishment appears necessary"
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Conclusion
~~~~~~~~~The book is actually fairly educational as well as fun and is intelligently structured, allowing for people who really do wish to "perfect" their Geordie accents to, well, pretty much do so. Great to take out with you when your drunk … but be prepared to order ribs … nope, it's not a lesson or restaurant scenario … just that you will need new ones the next day.
So for now, I'm saying "taa taa te yer all"
Thanks for reading
Newty
Whyaye Pet ... Im gan doon toon ! 
