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At the age of 16 I met a bloke he was older than me but I liked him so after a month I moved in with him. At first he was kind, caring and loving, then he turned after 6 months he became demanding, nasty, violent my worst nightmare. He used to keep me near him 24 hours a day, I couldnít go anywhere, speak to anyone even look at anyone one if I did I got beat up. He fractured my skull, raped me, fractured my hand ,threw me against walls and loads more. I had bruising all of the time.
I was petrified of him, scared to speak to him, I was his slave anything he wanted I had to do or else. I became very withdrawn and quite and weak physically and mentally, I just got to the point that I didn't want to live anymore. Everyone knew what was going on but I kept denying it, I was to scared of what he would do if I told the truth. He told me he did it because I got him mad. I believed it was my fault and I deserved everything that he did to me.
I became so low, had no confidence or self-esteem. Years later I went to the doctors because my hand was really hurting he sent me for x-rays and was told my hand was fractured. He asked me a load of questions then said I was suffering from severe depression he prescribed me Prozac. I was taking it daily, the beatings continued, then one day I had, had enough I couldnít take anymore I wanted to kill myself.
I had been self harming myself for a year, then that morning I got a letter through the post off a girl that lived to doors down from me. She wrote that I didnít deserve it and its not my fault he does itís his and sheíd help me in anyway she could. This gave me hope. So when he was there shouting at me and scrapping glass against my face I lost it. I kicked and punched him the adrenaline got the better of me. I really went for him. I blacked his eye and kicked his knee that much I cut it with the heal of my boot. I got out the house and ran.
Iíve never seen him again and don't want to but he left me traumatised and will never be able to forget what he did to me. If i did see him again I wouldn't be held responsable for my actions, I just wish that someone would hurt him like he hurt me.
I was then 24. So depressed, I just lost the will to go on. I didnít even know what day it was. My body had become immune to the Prozac so they gave me sertraline (Lustral). First my G.P. gave me a 50ml dose then after a month a 100ml dose. I have been taking this ever since. It is great. It helped me gain my confidence back; I totally changed into me the person that had been hiding inside for all those years. Now I am very happy I still have my down days now and again but not like I used to. I love life now and they have been reducing my dosage to take me off them. Which is brilliant.
My advice is if you think you might be suffering from depression go to see your doctor, it is better to be safe than sorry. Lustral have helped me out so much. I feel they have given me my life back. Some people can get addicted to lustral but i haven't so it's different for different people.
Lustral is an anti depressant. It is used to treat depression or obsessive-compulsive disorder in adults. Itís a small white tablet and comes in dosages of 50 or 100ml. Your doctor might prescribe a higher dosage but itís different for individual people.
If you have liver problems, or are a child under 6 years old or have been taking MAOIís then you should not take lustral. If you have any other medical problem then you should speak to your G.P. about it if he wants to prescribe you lustral.
To take lustral you take the dosage prescribed by your doctor in the morning with water, try to take it at the same time each day and swallow the tablet whole. Do not chew the tablet (It doesnít taste very nice at all).
If you take to many tablets you should contact your G.P straight away or go to your local casualty department and take the tablets and box with you.
You will have to take lustral for between 2 and 4 weeks before you start to feel better, and you must continue taking them to get better do not just stop taking them only do so if your G.P. tells you to.
You can get some side affects with lustral some are a dry mouth (which I get), feeling/being sick, loss of appetite, upset stomach, diarrhoea, sweating, shaky feeling, change in sex drive, dizziness, not being able to sleep or excessive sleeping.
DO NOT give your lustral to anyone else this is dangerous, and always use it by the sell by date. Lustral is made by Pfizer limited in Sandwich, England.
ALWAYS KEEP MEDICINE OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN.
Now I am a lot stronger and I've met the most wonderful man alive and we are totally in love. We have 5 fantastic kids, I wouldn't change my life now for anything.
Lastly I'd just like to say if you or anyone you know is getting beaten up and/or abused like I was get help or get them help. It stays with you always and is horrible to go through. Contact the police or a womens refuge and get away from it before your seriously injured or even worse killed. I believe that if I'd stayed there I wouldn't of been alive today to tell you my story. So If you are beaten please, please get help. There is help out there.
I would just like to say thankyou for being so open. I know it is not easy to talk about these things. I have been in a similar situation, though not with the physical abuse. I became seriously ill at the age of 18, and my boyfriend at the time was an alcoholic. I lived with him and he became my carer. All my friends and family loved him to pieces and kept telling me have lucky I was to have him and how great he was to stay with me. In the mean time he wore me down emotionally and mentally and occasionally physically telling me how useless and pathetic I was. I wouldn;t leave the house or answer the phone and I wasn't allowed to do anything for myself. I became very depressed and everyone put it down to my illness. I thought I was going mad as I was alweys being told how great he was. It was only when one of his friends wife came round that she actually sore what was going on and reasured me that it wasn't all in my head that I started to question things. though I could not see a way of it ending and I tried to kill myself. He found me and I was sent to see a psychiatrist. this woman allowed me to move in with her for a year to sort myself out. and now I have my own place and a new man in my life who is great. After 5 different types of anti-depressants and 2 psychiatrists later I have come to terms with this situation and this is down to being on lustral. I still have other issues but I have accepted what happened and am getting on with my life. So good luck for the future and take care of yourself. Lol xxxx
thethirdeye 30.11.2002 16:49
what an awful experience - thank goodness you've found confidence and happiness with a decent person now and that you've found a drug which works for you
KarenUK 28.11.2002 17:35
I'm really sorry you had to go through all that, but I'm pleased the medication is helping. I suffer from depression too, I'm on Cipramil.