ADOPTION
 Jul 23rd, 2001
(Jul 26th, 2001)
Advantages:
You get real support from social workers and those who are involve . They become familiar with you, and try to match a child .
Disadvantages:
It will take real perseverance, time and efforts to attend all meetings, but it is worth it !
Recommendable:
Yes
Detailed rating:
Effectiveness
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  Elainebaba
About me:
Friends! I am still here! I am more busier than ever. My hubby is in a nursing home. See I came here...
Member since:01.07.2001
Reviews:54
Members who trust:590
Review rated by 64 Ciao members on average: very helpful 
This review received a counterstatement by a party concerned
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Have you ever wanted or think about adoption, what is involved, the rise and pitfalls of adoption. I will try to tell you about our successful adoption of our four children, each child with different parentages, and not related to each other by birth. The oldest being 27.When we found we could not have children, we approached 1.A.S. Independent Adoption Service, we heard that not only they were charity approved adoption agency but also they deal with multi-racial adoption, minority, as well as majority groups from all religions or none. You have to go through the normal channels to go through the process, and I always think about a mother going through nine months of pregnancy and during those times, preparations are vital in order different stages to go through, well it the same with preparing for adoption. We went through counselling, advice and support sessions. We were told that getting a baby would be difficult and at that time, there were needs for the older child. What I admired about the I.A.S. is that they really understand multi racial issues, every one of their teams have good roots that are strong,
This reflects the understandings of people of different races and religions, their expertise in providing homes for children always end in good relations, in practice they seek to eliminate discrimination and promote opportunities and good relationship between all groups. I.A.S tries to meet the needs of every child, they treat each child as individual, they make every effort to identify and match the child with a family, and the key always is recognizing the child’s racial, culture and understand of their origin, history and ancestry.In short, that is exactly how those fulfilments were met. It was not easy. We did have wonderful support through out, preparing us as parents, has not been easy, we always accepted guidance, we did not know everything, and we had a lot to learn in bringing up and rearing children and still has a lot to learn! Our children came to us within two years of each other. We did not get them altogether, that is a good thing, because it allowed us to adjust and meet the needs of each child. At that time I gave up my full time nursing career, the children presented real challenges, it was not an easy task, there were times, when I really ‘felt regret’ of adopting them, I had to learn to keep a positive attitude. Who says children are easy to bring up?We always told our children the truth about their adoption. As soon as they could understand, and familiarise the word ‘adoption’, for example, we use to show the children pictures of their natural mothers, and will tell them, ‘that is your real mother who give birth to you’ or ‘we are glad we have adopted you,’ We even told them that Jesus was adopted by Joseph and Moses by the Pharaoh's daughter.
It was a continuing process over the months that have led to years.
We did not use ‘terminology’ for example, we said something like, ‘your mum was not well to look after you’ she loved you very much and felt we can give you the love, and we are glad we have you, because we too prayed for a child like you’
As a mark of respect, we kept their birth names, but give children a middle name of a bible character.We shared history, letters and other information to help them understand their past. We had a file of children and told them it was on the shelf and was accessible any time they wanted to know more. By the time they have reached adulthood, they were able to understand everything.
It is important to tell them, you have that moral right and legal responsibility to tell them. Gradually those possible difficulties were built on openness and not secrets. They have met their mothers and their siblings, as the future looms on, we try to give them the support they need. They have not expressed any desires to live with them, and looking back, although we wanted mixed raced children, we are glad that we did not choose and pick them, they were picked for us, we consider them to be a blessing from God, and pleased that he has answered our prayers. We are also grateful to our families in giving support and accepting them ’as their own.’ When I look back, it was so easy to give up, but it does take time and effort to make a success, there will be failures, but at least we can say we have done ‘our best’ without regrets. Even though I never had the privilege of being ‘pregnant’ I could never fully appreciate what that feelings is like, I could imagine, it must a wonderful feeling for both parent especially for you mums, but my wonderful feeling is that we were given the opportunity to be a ‘parent’.But most of all our grateful thanks to I.A.S, they found ‘our family’ they help us to understand and prepare us for the future, the training, consultations, and understanding and finding families of all children are unique qualities and they have certainly living up to that name. The I.A.S. knows how to match families. Ours was one of them.
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by (2%):
20.11.2005 18:08
Beautifull review!!
16.07.2004 15:30
Well written and lots of detail. Very touching - well done. Pete ;-)
13.10.2003 11:05
Matching families sounds like the right way to go about adoption. It seems closer to natural birth. We as parents can't choose the exact child that we want, but it is matched to us by nature. In the same way you didn't choose your children, but they were matched to you. I feel that this way you maybe avoid having certain expectations of the child. Would you agree with that, or am I way off the mark? :0) How old were your children when they came to you?