I met my husband five years ago. Both of us went through divorce and both had children from our former marriages. He has two wonderful daughters and I have three gorgeous girls. Five fantastic daughters between the ages of twelve and twenty two.

I went through a horrific divorce. My husband's was easier, no real complications. But despite this, divorce is never easy for the children. And remarrying is even harder.

Meeting each other's kids was something we were both very careful about. My girls met my husband before I met his daughters. They seemed to like him. He had the hardest time breaking the ice with my oldest. She took the whole divorce issue the hardest. So therefore, she was very judgemental. Initially she thought he didn't talk enough. What she didn't understand was that he was just as nervous meeting her, as she was meeting him. My husband was a housefather for many years, so he was very comfortable around kids, especially girls. My younger two took to him easily. He was full of play and fun.

Now imagine how his own daughters felt, having some strange woman come into their home and forcing them to share the most important man in their lives. The one man who gave them unconditional love and security. Not easy. His youngest daughter had a very hard time. His oldest daughter and I hit it off right from the beginning. The youngest is the same age as my oldest, so I could somewhat relate to what she was feeling. She did not want me around. It was that simple. In the early stages of our relationship, when I would visit, I would stay in hotels. If there were family celebrations, I would not go. We decided it was best not to make the girls feel uncomfortable. I let his girls know that I was not there to replace their mother, but I was there to be a friend, if they wanted. After several months, I moved in. His youngest withdrew. My oldest had lashed out at her dad when he moved in with a woman, so again, I could relate. I think withdrawing is even harder, as you just can't get through.

I found myself tiptoeing around her, staying out of her way. She never ate with us and would go into her room and blast the music. One day, she came downstairs and I said "good morning" to her. Nothing. For the first time, my husband saw this and for the first time I saw him get upset. He approached her about it and I went and hid in the garden. I told him that I understood, that it is very hard for her. He just didn't like to think that his daughter was being rude. It was ok, hard, but ok.

The only time I got attention from her was when my husband was away. We would eat together, go out together and sit and talk and laugh for hours. When he was around, she wanted his undivided attention. All very interesting.

All of our children met several months later at Christmas. It was awkward at first, lots of silence, but once everyone got into celebration mode, the ice was broken. All of the girls get along.

The hardest part was our moving. We had to move a couple hundred miles away for business. We waiting until GCSE's were finished. The girls had a choice as to where they wanted to be. His youngest came with us and his oldest stayed there. She had just finished her "A" levels and was ready to embark on university. Plus she had a boyfriend. Leaving her behind on that moving day was the most gut wrenching experience. A day I would not like to repeat.

The girls settled in nicely in our new home. It really felt like home as we bought it together. It was ours. From day one, kids from the village came to introduce themselves and the girls made friends. My oldest and my husband's youngest began their "A" levels together. His youngest began to socialise and settle in. Everyone was getting along. Then we went back to the old stomping grounds to see his oldest perform in a gig. Something happened and his youngest must have realised how much she missed her. She was not the same after that. She cried the whole way home. She withdrew again. After several weeks of this, my husband approached her and asked her if she wanted to move in with her mum. She said she didn't think it would help, but she would give it a try. She was very apathetic towards everything. She moved out and our hearts broke. She looked so lost. She settled into college and met a guy, which always seems to help. She was ok there.

Now the girls are older. Everyone gets along beautifully. All five girls are like sisters and they are to us, our daughters. With maturation, there are still problems. The oldest of the girls now will only come here to visit on her own, not with her sister. She wants the love and attention to herself. She does not want to share it. We don't even bring her sister's name up when she is here. We are very sensitive to her needs. They all from time to time feel pangs of jealousy towards my husband and me. They don't realise they always come first in our lives. My two oldest say to me that I sometimes act differently around my husband. I don't see it, but they do, so I need to be careful of their feelings. His youngest not too long ago, broke down in tears to her father, apologising profusely for her behaviour all of those years ago. He assured her that it wasn't her fault. She still feels like she doesn't know where she fits in sometimes. My youngest, bless her, just goes with the flow.

We are a very lucky family. Merging two families is never easy. But with patience, understanding and love, we managed to get through it. I didn't step on my husband's toes when it came to his children and he didn't step on mine. We both stepped back and gave the children the space and respect they deserved. I think respect is the key. If we want our children to respect our decisions, we must show them that same respect in regards to their feelings and decisions. It's hard work being a step-parent, but when you get there, it's worth all of the heartache, agony and tears. I wouldn't trade my family for the world. All five of our children are treasures. We are very lucky indeed.