Most people would find the thought of bringing up some one else’s children a daunting task. I was divorced, and had two children, that stayed to live with me. I stayed on my own for five years, before I met someone else. By then my children were 13 and 17 years old. My new man was 10 years younger than me and had been in a rocky relationship, he never married, but had three children with his partner. I have always loved children, as you get so much from them.

I was very nervous about meeting them, but when the time came it was fine. His children were aged between 3, and 7, a lot younger than mine were. They were very backward for their ages and did not know right from wrong. They were very active kids and fought like cats and dogs, on every visit. The children were on the at risk register with social services and had been since birth. We had decided that as we had five children between us, that the best thing was for me to get sterilized. I had only been out of hospital for two days when, we were put in a dilemma as social services were going to take the kids in to care. I had become very fond of them, and we just could not let that happen. We didn’t have much time to discuss the matter, and really we didn’t have the room to take all three children. The outcome was that the eldest boy went to live with his Nan and we took the younger two in to our home. Social services had no reason not to allow the kids to come and live with their dad and me.

We did not have much time really to think it through, and I soon began to wonder what I had let myself in for. Both the children had terrible behavior problems and so behind in learning. The little boy could not talk and was very destructive. The girl was very withdrawn, and had tantrums. My children were nothing like them and I found it very hard indeed to understand why they were like this. The most difficult thing was because they were not my children; I found it hard to tell them off, even though they did test my patience to the limit. After the first year they seemed to of settled much better, and were having supervised visits only with their mother. She actually took us to court on numerous occasions to try and get her visits unsupervised. The children did start to call me mum, which I didn’t mind at all. I felt a very close bond to them, and felt sorry for them, as I was sure that they didn’t mean to be naughty. They both were so demanding and would fight for my attention all the time. I was also working full time, which made it very difficult to cope. I could not afford to give up work and in the end my husband stopped work to look after them. Both the children could be very affectionate at times, and would try to do the right thing.

Eventually, our worst fears came true and their mother won a court hearing to see more of the children and unsupervised, from that point every thing began to go wrong. The children would come back from a visit and would be rude to me, and say your not my mum, I don’t have to listen to you. Their behavior was even worst, it really put a strain on my relationship. We were waiting for the children to see therapists for their problems, as they both needed help, and so did we. The little boy set fire to our home, but luckily no one was hurt, thanks to the smoke alarm, he got expelled from school on numerous occasions, for attacking teachers and other children. He caused damage by throwing things around the classroom. He still could not read or write and hated school. The girl was not as bad she had other problems, she was about two years behind for her age, and was unable to play by her self. Then the children’s mother became pregnant again and this was very hard for the kids to understand that she would have a new baby living with her and they couldn’t. It was a very delicate matter, and we tried to handle it the best we could.

After three years of trying to cope with them, we eventually had to throw the towel in and they were taken to a residential therapy home. I felt so guilty, but I just could not go on, with the way things were. The home is for behavior problem children and has its own school. Since the children have been there they have improved a lot, which I am pleased about. We see them every month, and they appear to be happy. They are to stay they’re for another year then hopefully they can come home.

My experience of being a step mum has not been easy and I’m sure that most stepparents manage very well. Most children are what I would call normal, and do cope with suddenly having a stepparent. My children have accepted my partner, who I am married to now. In my opinion I think a lot of it is down to the ages of the child, very young and older children seem to accept the situation much better. I hope that I have not put any body off, who is thinking of becoming a step mum or dad, as I am sure my situation is a rare one.

Thanks for reading cheers from Deni