I felt it was time I wrote about my experiences with death and how I myself have and are coping now. The reason i decided to do it now is on the 16th of this month my daughter has been gone 7 years. My sister this year in october will have also been gone 7 years. I lost them both within 6 months ... Read review
Advantages: None see below. Disadvantages: So many and with you for life......
I felt it was time I wrote about my experiences with death and how I myself have and are coping now. The reason i decided to do it now is on the 16th of this month my daughter has been gone 7 years. My sister this year in october will have also been gone 7 years. I lost them both within 6 months of each other, I hope to see things differently myself and hopefully help others coping with the immense pain death brings.
We are now casting ... ...finally had become pregnant again. My pregnancy was plagued with problems from the start but it never occurred really that something bad was going to happen. During my screening tests for spinal bifida which i might add I always have had done. They went through the usual why to test, etc. I signed the form and had it done. Went away and for the next week totally forgot about it. However after a rushed and panicked call from the midwife this was set ... more
I felt it was time I wrote about my experiences with death and how I myself have and are coping now. The reason i decided to do it now is on the 16th of this month my daughter has been gone 7 years. My sister this year in october will have also been gone 7 years. I lost them both within 6 months of each other, I hope to see things differently myself and hopefully help others coping with the immense pain death brings.
We are now casting our minds back to April 1999. After several miscarriages I finally had become pregnant again. My pregnancy was plagued with problems from the start but it never occurred really that something bad was going to happen. During my screening tests for spinal bifida which i might add I always have had done. They went through the usual why to test, etc. I signed the form and had it done. Went away and for the next week totally forgot about it. However after a rushed and panicked call from the midwife this was set to change. My test results had come back showing spinal bifida to be above the action limit. This was by all means not good and was told i had to be at the hospital for a scan the following morning.
The following morning I was first taken in to see a consultant who claimed that spinal bifida was likely and most probably be really severe. He suggested even before the scan that we start to think of termination. How could i do that in shock and dazed I went in for the scan. The consultant came in had a nose looking for any signs of a gap at the base of the neck, Nothing. He said things were fine and it was likely that it was a mild case that heaps of people even me and you may have without knowing. In mild cases it can cause backpain in later life. Full of relief we went home and started to relax again about the pregnancy.
Getting to 20 weeks the scan all went fine they said everything was quite normal but I was carry an awful lot of fluid also baby measured a bit larger for my gestation. The next four weeks were plagued with labour pains and frequent visits to hospital. Seeing as my first daughter was six weeks early i took no chances. After several weeks of this I really felt at 27 weeks things had settled down. Then late at night nearing the 28 week mark I was rushed in again with cramping and a small amount of bleeding. I was advised I had to stay in hospital and bedrest, was given steroid injections for the babies lungs in case of early delivery. The following night after being asleep for an hour my waters broke. At the time of course i knew it was my waters but the stupid midwife, told me I had wet myself. How that women was a qualified midwife i will never know.
I demanded she fetch a consultant who confirmed my back waters had gone and I needed to be rushed down for delivery. I tried so desperately to keep the baby in would push when they told me to, but in the end i had no choice and my frail 28 week daughter was born. I never got to see her straight away taken from me immediately, I knew something was wrong but was never told anything. A very long and desperate four hours later I was finally allowed to see her. The doctors explained that it was not just prematurely but there was something else wrong. My daughter was a mass of wires, And all the heartless I am sorry i have to swear B@stards could say was "looks like down syndrome not dealing with that here."
That was it I lost my temper and had to be removed from the room i swear down that dr would have been floored. So after the doctors deliberation and lets face it he diagnosis turned out to be wrong anyway. Was transferred to nottingham city hospital to a special neonatal unit. This unit specialises in very early babies and ones with severe problems. When we arrived a consultant looked at my daughter now named Lara.
They found a far few problems at 28 weeks she weighed 4lb 6oz to start with this was deemed good or maybe she was more weeks than they first thought. But coupled with polycystic kidneys, a large tongue, organs to large for her body which in effect made her look bloated a diagnosis was made. They said it was quite a rare condition and the consultant had only witnessed it twice himself Beckwith Widemann syndrome. I had never before heard of it, and after long discussion with the consultant the prognosis wasn't good.
If in deed she survived the prematurely alone she would most likely be brain damaged, and in long term pain. Lara was given lots of drugs to combat this, Over the next two days she was resuscitated twice. At the end of the third day they said things had settled and did I want to go home for the night for a break. I did go home that afternoon to fetch more things. Because of how far the journey was and I couldn't drive I had to stay home over night.
At 4'o clock in the morning I was woke by a knock at the door, standing there was a policeman. He told me to get incontact with the hospital as Lara had got considerably worse. I put my clothes and shoes on and walked to the nearest phonebox. I phoned they said she was getting worse, And could myself and her dad get over straight away. So I phoned my mum who came to pick us up, picking up my bag of stuff on the way out. My mum said you won't be needing it she knew things were not good.
Arriving at the hospital after putting the security code in started to walk to were my daughters bed was. I was very quickly ushered into another room. I was then told my daughter had died just before 4 in the morning had had a massive heart attack they could not resuscitate her. I can't describe really how I felt, Of course I burst into tears, blamed myself I shouldn't have gone home etc. I'll never forgive myself for the fact my daughter died and I was not there to be with her.
They then brought my daughter in in a moses basket for me to hold her. They do this mainly so you except it but how can you and that feeling I felt holding my dead daughter will never leave me. Photos were taken of which i still have footprints, hair, handprint, and other things she had on her stay there. These were placed in a box along with photos over those four days. I had her blessed although I am not particularly religious It did help at the time. After 4 hours it was time to say goodbye, I felt like someone had ripped my heart out leaving my daughter in that room alone.
After there had to be an autopsy to determine the cause of death. So I had to wait two long weeks for a funeral. I stopped eating at the time never spoke to anyone. It was like being in your own bubble and not hearing anyone else. I feared leaving the house and had panic attacks for months after. We live in a small town and I was quite heavily pregnant how could I face people with no bump no baby. I just didn't want to explain it I couldn't understand it myself.
The funeral service was done at the local hospital chapel with a service after at the crematorium. Even then it never sank in I just switched off. I started drinking to much and not eating enough this made it even worse. Even two years after the pain was to much to bare and I tried to take my life twice, blaming myself for not being with her. But the truth to that is I couldn't have done anything I know that now. She had died from septicaemia blood poisoning. I still feel this pain nearly 7 years on and thought a short poem would explain it. My sister I will review in another as It would be to long.
Angel Lara
My Lara she just slipped away. I feel the pain everyday. Her Angel wings took her far. Her innocent eyes lost their stars.
I tried to push it from my mind, In severn years I still find. I miss you to much that angel face. One day with a falling grace, I will see you again.
Your pain has gone, but left behind. Imprints on my heart. With tearful eyes, I remember my four days with you. Forever may you rest till I can be with you. With love sent on Angel wings, I hope its peace this msg brings.
I know I may have upset a few but if you have read this I thank you x
Advantages: None Disadvantages: Having To Carry On Without Your Loved One
There are times in everyone's life when for a brief moment we think about death. As we grow older we think about our Grandparents dying and then as we get older still we occasionally think about our own Parents dying, before pushing the dreadful thought to the back of our minds. From time to time we even think about our own death and our own immortality, but the death of a Partner is something that I had never even contemplated until earlier this ... ...of bereavement for my 350th Ciao review, and I know that it will be the hardest review that I will ever write, but I have decided to write it for many reasons, and I make no excuses for publishing it today on what would have been my Partner, Trevor's 38th Birthday.
Most of us have lost someone very close and dear and that experience for each and every one of us is unique. It is something that has to be dealt with in a very individual and personal ...
micksheff 04.08.2006
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: exceptional Review of Member Advice on Bereavement
Advantages: sometimes the pain is at an end Disadvantages: too many to mention
When I was a little girl my dad was my champion, my guide, the one who I turned to in times of need and the one who loved me unconditionally and repeatedly told me no matter what I did I would never lose him.
I lost him.
It has been five years since my dad died and there is not a day that goes by that I do no think about him. He may not always be in the forefront of my mind but he is there lurking in the recesses, ready to come out with a sharp ... ...How I miss his voice and his humour. for you to get a better picture of him, let me start at the beginning of our journey together as a family; the journey that saw us lose our backbone.
September 1999
My dad was taken into hospital after a routine blood test showed an abnormally low amount of red blood cells in his blood sample. I was at work when he was taken into hospital and was called at the office by my distraught mum. I can remember asking ...
pooliebaby 25.06.2005
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Member Advice on Bereavement
Advantages: None Disadvantages: Too many too mention
This is the first personal review I have written, so dont know if it will be any good, but I am speaking from my heart, and if it helps even one person come to terms with the loss of their loved one it will be worth it.
MY STORY
While I was growing up, my mum was my best friend. We shared everything and I told her everything. The thought of her ever not being there was inconceivable and I never thought it would happen. Then 5 years ago it did.
... ...dad and I went to work, leaving her in bed having a lie in. As always, I took her up a cup of tea before I left, and she gave me a hug and told me how much she loved me. I said I loved her too and those were the last words we ever said to each other. I now take great comfort in the fact that she left knowing how I felt about her.
That afternoon, while I was on my tea break, my boss came in and told me that my dad had went home and found my mum dead ...
lesleyanne2 05.03.2005
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Member Advice on Bereavement
Advantages: Their pain has ended Disadvantages: Yours has just begun
At the age of 16 I've had to face one of the most painful, traumatic experiences anyone could ever have... losing someone close to you... This is hard for me to write as it's still something I'm sensetive about but if I can help someone with my experience, it's worth it.
My Nan had always been there for me. When I was born she gave up her job to look after me so that my Mom didn't have to. Everyday I'd see her, we'd paint, sing, I'd help her with ... ..."Nanny-Mom" as I saw her as some sort of second mother.
As the years went on we regained our closeness. I'd still see her every weekday and phone her every Sunday night, I could tell her anything, things I couldn't tell my Mom. When it came to me going to high school I only saw her every Thursday, I still felt close to her but I felt she was becoming more distant from me. I asked my Mom if anything was wrong with her, it did cross my mind she may ...
x__Kelli__x 24.10.2004
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Member Advice on Bereavement
Advantages: None Disadvantages: The pain of losing someone can be unbearable,
Losing a loved one is always painful and everyone has his or her own way of dealing with the grief. Last year was an awful time for me. In the space of 6 months I lost 2 close relatives in my family and both of my husbands’ grandmothers died within weeks of each other. It always seemed that there was a funeral to go to, and I had long since forgotten how to smile. As the months slowly crawled into each other, and my tears had started to dry, life ... ...me one day for a chat and she seemed a long way from her normal cheery self. She had not long had a baby, so I put her subdued mood down to tiredness due to the lack of sleep, but I asked her how she was anyway. She said she was fine, but was feeling a bit low and could do with a bit of company. So, I decided to round the kids together and got ready for the short drive in the car to her house.
When I arrived at the house, she was already standing ...
wardenblw431 22.10.2004
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of Member Advice on Bereavement
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Advantages: Shadow gave us all a lot of love and happy times Disadvantages: She's no longer with us
and run down the road with me in tow looking less than pleased, and less than suitably dressed for running round the neighbourhood. It was just her little game though. She never went too far, and if I stopped chasing her and walked away she'd come running back to find me again.
If she couldn't get out she'd sit on the window sill and chatter away - at the birds, the other cats in the street, or even just the leaves on the trees blowing in the wind. Then she'd jump down, and weave in and out of my feet, chattering away, or lay in the middle of the hallway as protest until I gave her some attention. Or she'd race around the house with her toy mouse, getting in everyone's way.
When she was tired, and contented, she'd go and lay at the top of the stairs and sleep.
Things are too raw right now.... I was going to write in memberadvice ...
Advantages: A challenge with interesting questions! Disadvantages: I don't provide interesting answers to those interesting questions!
talk, at great length and not generally paying much attention to the rules of grammar. The grammar check in Word is frequently telling me off for writing in too many fragments, and I tend to overuse commas.
x. Which is your favourite of all your ops?
Oooh, tough question! I've never been unhappy with anything I've posted, and I'm proudest of the ones I've got diamonds for, purely for the extra recognition. For personal reasons, though, I think my opinion on MemberAdvice on Bereavement, "She's With the Angels Now" offered an emotional release, so that stands out. If I had to pick a personal favourite, though, it would probably be my "humorous" eulogy, "Did he Fall, Or Was He Pushed", purely because I just cut loose with it, and set about having fun. That, and a couple of others I won't mention as it will look like advertising ...
Soho_Black 11.01.2004
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Ciao members have rated this review on average: very helpful Review of My Ciao'ing
I didn?t even know existed and have gone on to try them and like them. Blurbubble recommended Daktarin cream for example and now I wouldn?t be without it.
**USER GROUPS**
It?s nice to have somewhere to chat to other members, both as a member of the main Ciao group as a public domain and also of the more exclusive groups where more personal comments can be made between friends.
**GUEST BOOKS**
The guest books were a brilliant addition to Ciao in my opinion. Quite often I wanted to pass a comment to another member and had to add it onto an opinion comment where it wasn?t really appropriate. The guest books are ideal for the banter and information that doesn?t really fit on an opinion comment.
**MEMBERADVICE OPINIONS**
This is another great idea for a forum where we can give and receive advice on anything from coping ...
