Advantages Their pain has ended
Disadvantages Yours has just begun
At the age of 16 I've had to face one of the most painful, traumatic experiences anyone could ever have... losing someone close to you... This is hard for me to write as it's still something I'm sensetive about but if I can help someone with my experience, it's worth it.My Nan had always been there for me. When I was born she gave up her job to look after me so that my Mom didn't have to. Everyday I'd see her, we'd paint, sing, I'd help her with housework... she meant everything to me, I'd even call her "Nanny-Mom" as I saw her as some sort of second mother.
As the years went on we regained our closeness. I'd still see her every weekday and phone her every Sunday night, I could tell her anything, things I couldn't tell my Mom.When it came to me going to high school I only saw her every Thursday, I still felt close to her but I felt she was becoming more distant from me. I asked my Mom if anything was wrong with her, it did cross my mind she may be ill, she was like a cat with 9 lives, she had numerous scars all over her body, had nearly died once from internal bleeding and always seemed to have a cold, but my Mom said she was fine.
Around that time my Dad's father was in hospital having a hip replacement. I went along with my Dad to visit him and in the middle of conversation my Grandad said "Hows Edna? Have they heard anything?"
Alarm bells started ringing in my head, why was he talking about my Nan? What did he know that I didn't? I asked my Dad shortly after, "What's wrong with Nan?" but he ignored me and my Grandad's expression changed drastically as if he knew he'd said something he shouldn't.
I felt a mixture of emotions, the first was emptyness, I felt numb, I couldn't speak, I could just feel my eye's brimming with tears, the second was fear, I was terrified of losing her, yes she was a fighter, but could she battle cancer? It sounds selfish but the final feeling and most powerful was anger. Why my Nan? Hadn't she suffered enough? Then my anger went to my Mom, why hadn't she told me, why did my Grandad find out before me, he was nothing to her, did I not deserve to know?As soon as my Mom answered the door and let me in I looked at her full of hate and screamed "What gave you the right to keep it from me?!" I then ran upstairs and locked myself in my room, crying all night.
My Mom revealed my Nan had asked me not to tell her as she didn't want to upset me, she apologised and promised to keep me informed.The next time I saw my Nan was hard, she knew I knew and I was trying hard not to treat her differently, but I found myself having to go upstairs so she wouldn't see me break down.
My Nan had a complication. She had a rare kind of cancer which meant she had to have chemiotherapy first. She then had to have her breast off and then radiotherapy. It was a difficult time, she was very weak, depressed and kept having delayed treatment due to high blood pressure, but eventually she was given the all clear.
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