Just recently I did one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. I decided that my relationship with my husband, the father of my two children was finally over. I thought about the decision for weeks before I finally carried out the act. Would it have been easier to have a row with him and throw him out in temper – but we didn’t even row anymore, if we argued he would just give me the silent treatment until it had all blown over. Would it have been easier if he had broken up with me – most definitely, but I knew that I could have been waiting forever for that to happen. Should I have just ran away from the situation, up rooted my children and never seen him again – but that wouldn’t have been fair on any of us, especially the children.
It wasn’t just hard to decide to break up with him but the timing was rather important too, I am coming to the end of my contract where I live so I wanted to start my new life in my new home (which I’ve still not got) with just me and my kids. Even though it would have been much easier for me to wait and have him and his brothers help me move and get sorted, it wouldn’t have been fair on him to think that it was a new start in a new home for the both of us, only to end it with him a few weeks later.
Like I said, it was a hard decision to make and an even harder act to carry out.
I asked my friend if she would have the children over for tea and I would pick them up before bedtime so I could talk to him alone. It wasn’t long after wards that he came home from work and I asked him if we could have a chat.
We were sat opposite each other in the kitchen and I looked at him and said “I’m really sorry but I don’t want to be with you anymore”. Just like that. He looked surprised which quickly turned to anger and confusion. I started to explain myself and then he began to put up his natural defences telling me to ‘save it’ and ‘tell someone who cares’ I was determined not to get upset, I didn’t want him to think that the decision I had made was fuelled by anger, or stress, or any other reason for that matter. I just told him again how sorry I was and turned to leave. ‘If this is over put those rings on your finger in the dustbin’ he yelled at me, so without turning round I did just that. ‘Can you collect together whatever you need for tonight and we’ll make arrangements for you to collect the rest of your stuff some other time.’ And with that I left to go and see my children. As soon as I had slammed the door behind me I wept like a baby, because even though I don’t love the man, I do care about him and I know the kind of hurt you can cause someone that loves you when you break up with them.
Things have been very difficult since then for the both of us, the hardest thing is sharing our children, but I know that it will get easier and that if I’d have stayed in the relationship for years I would have ended up a very bitter woman. I think my kids will understand when they are old enough to, and I think that they would want there mum to be happy above all else. If I thought that it would have made my kids happier if I’d have begrudgingly stayed in a unhappy relationship for them then I would have, but my children will be brought up to be confident enough to pursue there own happiness on whichever path they choose to take in life. Being ‘happy’ is overlooked far too much for my liking and even though it is a word we use probably daily, are we really aware of its meaning?

So in conclusion to my advice on breaking up

· Be sure its what you want to do, until you’re positive that’s what you want don’t do it, because it’s people’s lives that are being disrupted.
· Try not to do it in a raging argument with floods of tears and angry hurtful words, a calm confident approach will ensure you are taken seriously.
· Make the initial break-up quick, as painless as possible and try to save any ‘arranging’ till the next day when both parties have thought about the situation.